Day Nine

Quite a lot has changed since I last wrote. Tighter restrictions are now in place.

We felt quite relieved when the information came through. I think the ambiguity of the situation was quite hard to deal with. Now at least we know where we stand and everything has taken on a sort of quiet and gentle rhythm.

Today was the day that our little niece Zoe Elizabeth was laid to rest. She lived for only a short while after her birth, having been diagnosed with anencephaly at 12 weeks of gestation. We couldn’t go to her funeral, so along with many other family and friends, we watched via a livestream.

Its hard to find words to describe how that felt. I just wish I could have been there.

I know so any people will be buried under these reduced guidelines and my heart breaks for all those families.

Meanwhile at home we were enjoying the beautiful weather in the garden and the girls particularly are enjoying more focused time with us. Clara was in tears because she missed preschool yesterday (the irony is not lost on me that she cried before going to preschool everyday the week preceding!) 

We are now self isolating because matt and I have both developed coughs. Feeling very grateful for our garden right now.

We did have some wonderful news yesterday. My sister in law gave birth to a healthy and long awaited little boy!

 Arlo David is a real beauty and we can’t wait to meet him in person. For now though we’ll be following his growth via wattsapp chat.

Made me reflect on how it would feel to bring home a brand new baby into this strange new world we’re living in. We’re so glad he’s here safely though.

art class

the woods near our house are very quiet and good to escape to!

Day Five

Today took us to Brimham rocks.
Its so beautiful there and an amazing place to scramble and slide and generally behave like big kids.

We had a nice ish picnic and headed home as it started to get a bit busy.

At home i'm finding myself more inclined to stop and cuddle the children (!) which has led to some good connection time. I have resolved to stop sulking and start planning for the next few weeks so that i've got an idea of what we're going to do by Monday. Stay tuned for hopefully ideas and a timetable.

I gave up instagram for lent before all this went down. I'm so interested to see how things will have changed when I log back on. I follow lots of other parent accounts so I'm excited for extra inspiration and encouragement. Also loving hearing from friends self isolating in all sorts of different places and circumstances, whatever else this situation is, it is incredibly unifying.

My brilliant 80 year old grandmother wrote me a letter in which she referenced post war rationing and the crazy times she has lived through. She ended with the words..

'You aint seen nothing yet!'

 I think shes probably right.

Day four

Today was Matts day off and it felt relatively normal, we wondered around a tarn and variously pushed and dragged children around, only real difference was that we swerved the café and had a cheeky cuppa using the camping stove.

 Good fun and will work out a lot cheaper in the longrun!

Although any money we’re saving will go on craft supplies, I think I have enough kids sensory activities up my sleeve to last until September (and they’re going to have to).

Another difference was that matt was clearly eyeing up all the (many many people) walking past us to see if they looked, coronaish. He also handed me the girls mittens to wash when we got home (!)

Which leads me to my next question, how paranoid is too paranoid?

Went to the GP today for an IUD check up that had to be done in person. It was very quiet and extremely eery, I washed my hands a lot.

New Wine got cancelled which made me cry (to be fair I’m crying a fair amount at the moment) I really feel now like there’s nothing to look forward to.

Definitely having a down day. Praise the lord for corona related gifs and videos, everyone needs a laugh right now.

 Also need to keep reminding myself about people in much worse circumstances than us. I am trying to, its just not helping today.

Grateful for

•           The girls being happy today
•           Seeing a lovely friend yesterday who is keen to meet up in the outside world.
•       Building a fort outside using our old futon

Day Two

All three children at home today, 

by 10:30 we had taken part in an online tots session from our local toddler group and painted pictures. Soon these activities will have to last them a bit longer than the five minutes it currently takes for them to get bored again or we are going to all go completely insane.  To be honest that seems a likely outcome whatever happens.

The girls fight over everything. I keep telling myself that we will find an equilibrium but I know Clara will miss her ‘grown up time’ at preschool away from her sister.

I feel like I’m going through the grieving process. Denial, anger and bargaining have all come and gone and I feel like I’m entering the depression. 

The enormity of what is happening all around us is impossible to comprehend. I am terrified and yet here we are in a spacious house with no real fears about money. Just down the road there will be people who will be brought to their knees financially because of this crisis. 

Today they predicted job loss of up to 25 million around the world.#

Total devastation.

And that’s just the fall out from the disease not even mentioning the death toll.

Struggling to contain these thoughts as I do day to day with the kids. Today they announced that schools and nurseries are closing. Inevitable but a staggering blow all the same.

We went on a completely joyless walk around a lake in which I forgot to bring food for the ducks and Leo screamed for half an hour. Lots of people seem to be out walking with friends, something I will be doing from now on.

Sylvie abandoned her scooter completely and I ended up with her in the pram and the baby on my back, not ideal!

But we will get there.

Matt attempted to tip our amazon delivery driver with a £5 note, delivery driver refused to take it lest it be germy!  What a strange time we’re living in.

Good things that happened today…..

•         Chatted with a close friend,
•          Made plans for tomorrow with another friend
•      Enjoyed having Matt around more, it looks like he’ll be able to be flexible.
•      Did a fight club workout and managed some yoga in the afternoon.

Corona Diaries; Social Isolation Day One

Big girl goes to preschool, sobbing and sobbing. 

Since corona happened she been picking up on the tense atmosphere and it affects her a lot. I make her go anyway. Who knows how much longer the schools will stay open for?

Littlest has a nap while I do my work-out. I’ve never been more grateful for my online workout subscription. At least I can exercise from home throughout the social distancing.  

Middle girl plays while I work out and we play together for a while. I take a couple of phone calls, one from a friend in isolation asking me to pick up a prescription for her. I am only too happy to oblige, desperate for things to hang my day around.

Hubby is working from home in the (fortuitously!) Recently decorated office/dining room. He is a vicar which makes things interesting. He’s currently calling round all the members of the church aged 70 and over checking that they have good support and working out how the church can help. Its nice hearing his voice in the background though I’m aware of the battle we will be facing to keep the kids out of his hair as the days turn to weeks.

11:00 I crack and phone a friend to discuss the exact definition of social isolation and whether hanging out together outside might be appropriate? This was longer than I thought I might have lasted!

Baby wakes and we head out for a walk in our local woods. I am a qualified forest school nursery teacher, but despite this we don’t actually spend much time in the woods! As we potter around and Sylvie balances on branches and pokes mud with sticks I am convicted of this and find myself actually looking forward to having a chance to explore the outdoors a bit more with the girls. Walking is surely something we’ll be able to do throughout?

We put in an Argos order for play sand and craft supplies – thinking about the essentials for spending more time at home. Also a scooter for Sylvie. Yesterday our trusty double buggy gave up the ghost so looks like middle child will be on scooter boot camp for the next few weeks until she can keep up with her sister.

The day ends in much the same way our days always end,with the infallible tea, bath and bed routine. Having small kids is a blessing in this way.

When the World Turns Upside Down

17.3.2020

Last night Boris blustered onto the screen doing his best impression of a grown up serious person delivering bad bad news.

And now here we all are. Scared and a bit confused with no idea what’s going to happen over the next few months, thousands of households having the same conversation under thousands of roofs, life suddenly reduced to the square feet you inhabit.

I can practically hear the question marks floating up into the ether, joining my own.

How will I manage to isolate with three tiny children?

 What if we catch It and are all sick?

What about my grandparents?

My brother is self employed, what’s he going to do?

Will my other brother be able to hold a funeral for his little daughter who died last week?

Will we be able to go on our much needed holiday to France in June?

My nephew is due to arrive next week, can we go and meet him?

The list goes on and on and on.

The thing I keep returning to in my head is Claras birthday party. She turns four on Easter Sunday and has been talking about/planning the party since Christmas. I want to weep at the thought of cancelling it. So trivial compared to what some are facing but its not trivial to her.

I feel like this is the point at which my whole parenting philosophy is going to come back and bite me in the bum. In four years we have left the house to do something everyday without fail. We see friends and socialise everyday also without fail. I am a raging extrovert and to not socialise with others is unthinkable for me and consequently for the children.

Pretty much the first thing Clara says to me every morning is ‘where are we going today?’ closely followed with ‘who’s coming to our house today’ her entire life has been one long series of activities and visitors!

At this point I begin to envy my introvert friends who are most likely far better equipped to self-isolate and have taught their children the value of alone time.

So this is going to be a big experiment for us and an exercise in slowing down.

I’m starting to think its not a coincidence that its lent, also that I’ve just started reading John Mark Comers excellent book ‘The ruthless Elimination of Hurry’. This is basically an anti hurry bootcamp. I’ve decided to chronicle this strange time as best I can.