Saturday, 27 July 2013

One Flesh.

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Mark 10:6-9

When you consider marrying someone, among other things it is important to take into account the sheer amount of time you will be spending with that person.

If everything proceeds according to plan, you will wake up next to them, eat with them socialise with them. Your underwear will merrily tumble around in the same washing machine and your toothbrushes will lean together in bliss.   

(Some couples I know even go to the toilet together. But the less mentioned about that the better!)

Alongside this ‘exposure catalyst’ the real change starts to occur. As the ‘two become one’ thing happens there is a gradual shift where the couple somehow spookily begin to meet each other in the middle.

Thinkers become more in touch with their emotions after being married to a feeler. People who previously preferred to be in doors suddenly crave the fresh air that their spouse advocates.

It really is incredible and at its best it seems as though both people in the relationship become more themselves at the same time as picking up on the finer nuances of their spouses better points.

It’s scary too though. What guarantee do you have that you aren’t going to move so close to each other that you get completely sucked in.  What if one or both of you get lost?

Worries aside it is indescribable, the wonder of this thing God created when he decided it was not good for man to be alone. This togetherness.

Its one of the things I’ve really enjoyed about planning a wedding and look forward to in marriage. I enjoy the teamwork. The shared responsibility. The Helpless laughter at some private joke. Even that moment of mutual realisation of the enormity of what we’re getting ourselves into.

There are lots of little preparations in a season of engagement for the decisions we’ll be making in marriage. This week we’ve chosen the bed that we hope to share for many years (king sized naturally).
I found it surprisingly emotional, though retrospectively that might just be because we looked for the right bed for literally 6 hours and went to every bed shop imaginable we even spent some time in DHS which apparently only does sofas (who knew!!!)

We’ve also been thinking about money and setting up joint accounts, cue debates about the best way to organise expenditure! It’s a steep learning curb but I’m excited for everything I’m going to learn from Matt and vice versa. To be humble enough to learn from this person i've chosen but also to be strong enough to be me as I was created to be. 

Monday, 22 July 2013

Forsaking all others.

Almost one month to the day until we get married.

I've been thinking a bit about what it will mean to be joined, the two of us bound in promises and covenant and I'm going to write a couple of speculative posts on this theme.

To begin, something new means letting go of the old. i've had a love hate relationship with being single and now i'm looking at that time through a beautiful sepia haze called hindsight I'm feeling strangely nostalgic about all the old dreams and expectations. One thing in particular which caused me some trouble was when I would compare the real men in my life to is someone I will refer to as:

 'The prince of possibility'.

in essence the prince based on is the largely unfounded belief that Prince Charming/Prince Harry/a miraculous combination of Brad Pitt and Billy Graham is

 Just. About. To . knock. On. The. Door

The beauty of this theory is because this dashing fellow is always in the future the possibility of his approach is always there dangling enticingly.

It has been amazing and wonderful to get to know and love matt in a frighteningly real way, learning all the time and looking forward to continuing to do so in the future. However there is still an element of sacrifice in nailing my colours to the mast and knowing that no one else is ever going to walk through that door.

(even if they do, they'll probably discover us playing chess and eating cheeseballs.

could be awkward.)

The funny thing is that I feel no hesitation.
I think what it comes down to is this;

All the things about Matt that I know to be true i.e. integrity, my best friend, amazing kisser father heart etc have become so real to me that the prospect of gambling all of this (for lack of a better word) - happiness on the faintest possibility of someone better is no longer an option.

I know this won't always seem so simple though. And once again I feel like such a baby! I am somehow being allowed to enter into this huge crazy intimidating and solemn thing that is marriage.
But I keep expecting someone to point at me and say I'm not allowed to, that I'm too young or too unqualified.

But I know also that those same vows are the vessel for something called family, wherein there will be plenty of space for imperfection, tears and belly laughing, food, babies and life.

 and I know we can do all those things.