tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64170390466717556612024-02-07T03:39:00.942-08:00Encounters With JoyRachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.comBlogger160125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-85167009874111719992023-05-22T14:04:00.001-07:002023-05-22T14:04:18.710-07:00Conrad Ambrose Peter <p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Trigger warning… this is a bit gruesome at points<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You have been warned.<br /><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Part one<o:p></o:p></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Well this story starts with a baby who didn't know how to be
upside down, ends with a giant head, and it has a lot of love from and for the
NHS in the middle.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was about 40 weeks pregnant when my midwife mentioned that
I was ‘measuring big’. She was a bit worried and so sent me to hospital for a
scan. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So that Thursday afternoon I jollied off to the hospital with
Matt in tow. We were all extremely surprised to find during the scan that my
fluid levels were pretty high and also the baby was hanging out sideways!<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spoke to a lovely
consultant who told me that I would need to be admitted as it was pretty late
in the day and there was a significant risk of cord prolapse if my waters broke
spontaneously. She also mentioned a C section which I was pretty resistant to. In
the end we came up with a plan for me to come in the following morning for them
to perform and ECV (aka External Cephalic Version aka you get a painful
injection and then the doctor manipulates your tummy by grabbing you hard
enough to actually bruise you which will hopefully get the baby into the right
position) and then break my waters to get him on his way. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">OR as matt so poetically put it ‘<b>its time to pull the
plug’.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I got to the hospital the next day unfortunately there wasn’t
enough midwives on shift for them to be able to carry out the plan. Though the
lovely consultant was able to do the ECV (ouch) they weren’t able to follow
through by breaking my waters. I was still very keen to avoid having a C
section which some of the doctors were suggesting, so I said I would wait.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They woke me up on Saturday at 3am to have another go at
breaking my waters but when they scanned me, baby had popped back up and was
happily chilling in a breech position. The heartbreak. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So commenced the slowest weekend in the history of all
weekends. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1hXpDitsywZDhcazdCmF9BMuNF4ktd6kXMFJQcLmtL-ES2J6upKvWKw_egeoQrW3nLs-S7d9m2P_mtDPk-dN5dX8Cadce5NbvCeJL8Ym1zGwVQiFKrGS0G8BApQDssHjdGSY438fXpJ44SqTokVMEoLW4ne_O1eJYPGTNPwpOkPJT_vlRp0_3mcqd/s1824/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1824" data-original-width="1368" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1hXpDitsywZDhcazdCmF9BMuNF4ktd6kXMFJQcLmtL-ES2J6upKvWKw_egeoQrW3nLs-S7d9m2P_mtDPk-dN5dX8Cadce5NbvCeJL8Ym1zGwVQiFKrGS0G8BApQDssHjdGSY438fXpJ44SqTokVMEoLW4ne_O1eJYPGTNPwpOkPJT_vlRp0_3mcqd/s320/3.jpg" width="240" /></a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While the rest of the country celebrated king Charles and
his nice shiny crown, the delivery unit at Harrogate went mental. Woman after
woman came in to have babies, and I waited. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every day the
midwives would scan me to see where my rascally baby was at, and true to form, he
was in a different position every time they looked. He also didn't much like
being monitored and would kick the sensors off my tummy repeatedly whenever a
trace was needed which wasn’t much fun for anyone. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">During this time we got to know lots of midwives, doctors
and other members of staff and without exception despite the ridiculously busy
weekend they were kind, wonderful and went above and beyond to make me feel
comfortable. They were also SO supportive of me trying to have the baby
vaginally which was amazing. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I had one further attempted ECV which was unfortunately not
successful. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally things calmed down on the unit and by Monday night
the staff had said that they should be able to get things going the next day. Alas
it turned out that there wasn’t anyone on shift that day who could do the
procedure.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But all was not lost!
The senior doctor had used the almighty wattsapp chat group to summon someone (anyone!!!)
who could confidently give it a go it to come in specially.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She sweetly waved it under my nose to show me that the SOS
had been issued. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let me tell you, it was pretty terrifying to have the fate of
my womb in the hands of a wattsapp group chat which most likely also contained many
memes, and a nice array of pictures of Sally from radiology’s lovely coronation
street party. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However despite my
doubts, once again the amazing NHS staff were coming up trumps and going above
and beyond to give us the best care in an extremely non ideal situation.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So on Tuesday morning
I woke up around 3am, I was very aware that this was my last chance to avoid a section
so I bounced for a while on the bouncy ball, listening to worship music and
willing this child to get head down. When the midwife came around 8:am to scan
us we found that he was finally head down and pretty much engaged. Matt and I
hastily dashed out for a walk as I was too scared to sit down in case he
bounced back up again. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We knew we needed to act quickly and the brilliant
consultant (the fantastically named Mr Efstathios Altanis) arrived on the scene
to save the day. His nickname was ‘magic hands’ which was an encouraging start.
<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was prepped with a cannula and met the anaesthetist who
was waiting in the wings to put me under general and get me to theatre if
everything went wrong. (he was a small and cheerful man who ended our
conversation by conveying to me his fervent wish to never clap eyes upon me
again. The feeling was mutual.) Two doctors a consultant and two senior midwives
all piled into the room and I was attached to the monitor and scanned the whole
time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me and Matt were feeling distinctly
nervy by this point. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The consultant was able to break my waters after a bit of
toing and froing with a crochet hook and it was very clear that there was a LOT
of fluid which had been enabling this kid to perform all the acrobatics. As soon
as the waters were broken baby panicked and wriggled out of position again much
to the dismay of the assembled crowd. They kept a collective cool head though
and continued to scan to check the cord was well out of the way and not at risk
of prolapse.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The doctors were Amazing. Magic hands justified his nickname
and somehow pushed him back into a good position, the others applied pressure from
above to keep him head down and held him in place, they kept this position for
20 minutes at which point we were all very sweaty and certain esteemed medical
professionals had a lot of amniotic fluid in their crocs. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was on an eye level with Mr A this whole time due to my (slightly
compromising) bolt upright in bed with stirrups in the air position, so was
able to use strong eye contact to convey my sincere thanks for my release from
the predicament that I had found myself in. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Next they started me on the oxytocin drip until my contractions
had started. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then we were all able to breathe again as they declared the
situation stable and left me to it. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Everything progressed nicely for a while and I got in my
labour groove feeling pretty confident about the next bit. Matt and me are
pretty well established in our roles by this point! But when I started to push
it became apparent that all was not quuuiite as it should be. <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Part two<o:p></o:p></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In all the kerfuffle my sweet son had somehow managed to get
his face turned around so that he was posterior.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Colloquialisms for a posterior presentation…. ‘Star gazing’ ‘sunny
side up’ or simply ‘OP’ which frankly make it sound far too appealing. If I were
to give it a name I would probably call it ‘torture of the highest degree’ or
possibly ‘an absolute bloody nightmare’ . <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Having breathed out my two middle children in a relatively
smug hypnobirthing style I was somewhat taken aback by the change of program
and started to make quite a lot of noise, despite the lovely gas and air. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At around this time a living legend strolled into the room. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Her name was Gail, she had a glorious Scottish accent and
was unapologetically bossy. She led the conversation with ‘what are you making
all that noise for, its not helping!’<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The other midwife and a student midwife who had been with us
from the beginning and who had been very nice to me, deferring to my experience
as <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>person-who-gives-birth-with-relatively-little-difficulty</i>
were, I like to imagine, somewhat taken aback. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But it turned out that Gails voice was the only one I needed
to hear. She was like a bossy light guiding me back to the land of the living. She
was the one who explained about the tricky position and she was the one that
told me it would feel different and that I needed to let go of my expectations
for how I had given birth before. She gave me clear instructions which some
part of me was able to follow despite the tiredness.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She also had an enormous amount of confidence in me which was
infectious. When I reached a point of exhaustion she and the others cheered me on
and reminded me of why I had so wanted to give birth in this way in the first
place (I had forgotten!!) we ditched the gas and air so that I could
concentrate a bit better and somehow that helped. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Their belief and incredible skill were how I came to push my
son out into the world. It really did involve blood sweat and tears as he also turned
out to weigh a huge 9lbs 5oz but largely and thankfully due to the midwives
skill I only had a small tear despite my history. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Y5rr7IMVgVwCKxUZzGfBTEXRJQoh7WVb4g9DwByj4j1_gUnbToW4m0KLQWRVWjnNMYDTWZmrDHHID45sf_WMRAiAZJOFsdntrbRSSSwxCBLw9_5vmWPY4MUWi7CfJiPJgkWSZYy32VZ9bL8SHqo1uvzPAofk5wd-6t8OgiznfiaphyNg_ey_8PRX/s2040/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2040" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6Y5rr7IMVgVwCKxUZzGfBTEXRJQoh7WVb4g9DwByj4j1_gUnbToW4m0KLQWRVWjnNMYDTWZmrDHHID45sf_WMRAiAZJOFsdntrbRSSSwxCBLw9_5vmWPY4MUWi7CfJiPJgkWSZYy32VZ9bL8SHqo1uvzPAofk5wd-6t8OgiznfiaphyNg_ey_8PRX/s320/2.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>I can remember snatched pieces of that night after Conrad Ambrose
was born. The way he latched on to me and fed like a champion. Matt pouring
water into my parched mouth. The cramps in my legs from holding them tense for
so long. The massive kiss on the forehead Gail gave me when she congratulated
me and told me ‘YOU DID IT! (this still makes my eyes fill with tears – she was
truly invested.) Then the following stampede of midwives who had been involved
in my care over the past four days who came in over the next few hours to
congratulate me and have a look at the gorgeous baby who had caused all the kerfuffle!
Doctors too, even wonderful Mr A was keen to know how things had resolved. <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next day we were discharged before lunch! But not before
dumping a massive pile of chocolate and snacks at the ward desk. It makes me think
that there must be a better way to say thank you. What I really wanted to say
was this;<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu2IXmchuSJZyWLkwf8qPr1M8unIt1-cpSkTaC5_-qOqZjuA2ZCN0x90USU1YjhIwUhVNnfP1jqqRZEcCNPJ7vAw_GmC-Bf1fxDxvThdoKy9SfRAnTKwB4yceZystE-8SKmH7WjkdIGJd6IURerVVOVTOZMSdjRLmCYZ6tXfM7gzRunZVcekm4Q4aD/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1204" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu2IXmchuSJZyWLkwf8qPr1M8unIt1-cpSkTaC5_-qOqZjuA2ZCN0x90USU1YjhIwUhVNnfP1jqqRZEcCNPJ7vAw_GmC-Bf1fxDxvThdoKy9SfRAnTKwB4yceZystE-8SKmH7WjkdIGJd6IURerVVOVTOZMSdjRLmCYZ6tXfM7gzRunZVcekm4Q4aD/s320/4.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>‘thank you, you gave me dignity in a terrifying moment. You listened
to me and then gave me a voice when I didn’t have one any more. You used your
time and skills to make my experience a positive one. You showed up that day
despite the horrible bits of the job, despite the rubbish pay and the horrific hours.
You got my baby out and I am so grateful.’ <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So there you go. Really this whole birth experience is a
love letter to the NHS and the amazing staff who populate it, especially the
women and the BAME staff members who keep the ship afloat. I was able to have
the birth I wanted because of people who listened to me and used their
considerable skills supporting me. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I could never forget any of my birthing experiences, for we
are formed in the flames in these moments, as mothers, as women. But for this
birth, my last birth, I will carry a feeling of triumph, of overcoming and for
that I am so grateful. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbnE26bkuBP6J50ZqRDhd2n5n-lb8Y2u0kO9DgX4gqn7-cNISZjpg9V7Prsogb0AhzMH8_AXxrV62QrlPQMLnXpV-MLR9Zk-1gKwDa7eHWq7a_WWseo_SC1kEVQd1QWFzyvmSZge7XMMhrwAAQ_IdIdvlW_ZlodTt75XPyP2mznvjmTGPTc2U5AtWi/s2040/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2040" data-original-width="1536" height="309" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbnE26bkuBP6J50ZqRDhd2n5n-lb8Y2u0kO9DgX4gqn7-cNISZjpg9V7Prsogb0AhzMH8_AXxrV62QrlPQMLnXpV-MLR9Zk-1gKwDa7eHWq7a_WWseo_SC1kEVQd1QWFzyvmSZge7XMMhrwAAQ_IdIdvlW_ZlodTt75XPyP2mznvjmTGPTc2U5AtWi/w232-h309/1.jpg" width="232" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Meeting the crew!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQK2K8Zwno0gtD5LBfdF0dFglIJRMIKyDnIRZPFPM2rCasLSgP6BJqWTGm9aaoXJvZU_XkXFeHqCscugIyFrGu9MRctQbM-NgC_LxEIbFNzvaTYB4jWqHUFQAcTJV2IKJizCFcpMfFNMI-Ajt77jp7uqdRu2ayogd7gCKbYbFx4-3JWxYKKTU6yfpQ/s1600/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1204" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQK2K8Zwno0gtD5LBfdF0dFglIJRMIKyDnIRZPFPM2rCasLSgP6BJqWTGm9aaoXJvZU_XkXFeHqCscugIyFrGu9MRctQbM-NgC_LxEIbFNzvaTYB4jWqHUFQAcTJV2IKJizCFcpMfFNMI-Ajt77jp7uqdRu2ayogd7gCKbYbFx4-3JWxYKKTU6yfpQ/s320/6.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEV4yM_4LMdZxyV5vuTF9mxr5pm84HrY1DcXlKbuAfL_vhmooYsNqb14Nb72fR1LjHXy0MWJledZBlsQg9FP9Wv_CTNEAlQ7TzP7Umlx2GGRtSXfEAoyWeO36lgbXiga-e9DZD4asPtSNECP13g-lEGzzbQxbrdRnGTnQ9gMmYf5OXnrywSx1L4oHU/s2040/8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2040" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEV4yM_4LMdZxyV5vuTF9mxr5pm84HrY1DcXlKbuAfL_vhmooYsNqb14Nb72fR1LjHXy0MWJledZBlsQg9FP9Wv_CTNEAlQ7TzP7Umlx2GGRtSXfEAoyWeO36lgbXiga-e9DZD4asPtSNECP13g-lEGzzbQxbrdRnGTnQ9gMmYf5OXnrywSx1L4oHU/s320/8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5IsvZCrc515z_wgA1EWUj0afStWv-u-2bV-WuR9Ek7JxCSgsI3kh1wDfeJIKlIZ_6aP2Y0UeJId3eSJYLYpGw9vVCsP1BcUfjYDiqD2nQ6nfwJ8d3bjYaTSNpFlMhtmMu2n6U3aUnQk8IgvlN9XsQCgKw-vfWnwXmu8JaumsP_4MEb8RJhY74Jbjv/s1600/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1204" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5IsvZCrc515z_wgA1EWUj0afStWv-u-2bV-WuR9Ek7JxCSgsI3kh1wDfeJIKlIZ_6aP2Y0UeJId3eSJYLYpGw9vVCsP1BcUfjYDiqD2nQ6nfwJ8d3bjYaTSNpFlMhtmMu2n6U3aUnQk8IgvlN9XsQCgKw-vfWnwXmu8JaumsP_4MEb8RJhY74Jbjv/s320/7.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div> <p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p><br /><p></p>Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-91949245844521651682021-09-21T12:33:00.001-07:002021-09-29T05:08:29.289-07:00Granny Jane My darling granny passed away a week ago today, peacefully and gracefully and with strength. The same way as she lived.
Her name was Jane or granny Janey as I called her. Born in 1936 she was the eldest of four children. As a teenager she was one of the very last debutantes to see the Queen at a ball before the tradition ended.
She loved books, working first when she was a young woman living in London as a librarian and eventually owning her own book shop, the Halcyon. Her house was always overflowing with literature which was one of the earliest smells of my childhood.
Its not hard to find the route of my love of reading, books have passed from her to my mum to me for as long as I can remember. We are inorexably linked by a long line of varied fictional characters.<div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkuvI18ATR_jQn-l8L0Gq7hA2V8ixCVIQHf69LmrL88QS6au49gPRxu9Ny_s0rTRYGw3yOsEEFIjYk_osw_GatT8R8VpDw989h9bcmDSu3fGUVRTwrGGRn7vGJjv4PK5o_doDoczhNSkI/s1448/WhatsApp+Image+2021-09-19+at+21.26.48.jpeg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1448" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkuvI18ATR_jQn-l8L0Gq7hA2V8ixCVIQHf69LmrL88QS6au49gPRxu9Ny_s0rTRYGw3yOsEEFIjYk_osw_GatT8R8VpDw989h9bcmDSu3fGUVRTwrGGRn7vGJjv4PK5o_doDoczhNSkI/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2021-09-19+at+21.26.48.jpeg" /></a>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div>She was also an avid lover of art of all descriptions and a frequenter of galleries all her adult life. Always popping up to London for one exhibition or another, she would send us postcards of things she thought we would appreciate or things that reminded her of us.
During lockdown she sent my kids cards and newspaper cuttings of funny things. She never missed a birthday even with 8 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren! <div><br /></div><div> Granny Janie loved horses, when I was 10 she dragged me along with her on a hack. She assumed that as her granddaughter I should have an intuitive ability with horses (I did not!) But I was just so delighted to be inexpertly bouncing along on an adventure with her that it didn't matter!
She was incredibly adventurous and in her seventies she and a friend rode across the Jordan Desert on Arabian horses, in what sounded like a completely mad but wonderful experience. </div><div><br /></div><div> She never seemed to stereotypically fit the box of what a 'grandmotherly' person might be, she sailed well into her retirement, they would charter yaughts, and we would skinny dip in the warm Turkish sea. Her and grandpa would show us all how the sailing should be done (generally whilst I vomited over the side of the vessel!) </div><div><br /></div><div> She was unfailingly kind, and was committed for almost 4 decades to Hartfield village church. She was very loved there and always a driving force for change and hope. She adored tennis and played twice a week in the village right up until she fell ill.
Swimming was another of her joys. I learnt to swim at Little Tye, their house where they were lucky enough to have a beautiful open air pool. She was rocking a bikini well into her sixties, always looking sensational with unbelievable long legs that sadly missed my genetic line!</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdX_FbQYoqBovezdacbu7fUbyTlJm8HD_f8Co24g8_UqxuAgxXkzBk06L0d69IQwrC42KjYtaCOFeOFPMA5h3lb0Cllql2ejEsA7C8kl-xieUOTSFPzUmbpY3_dJnXFb3uiT8RrwWqqSw/s1825/WhatsApp+Image+2021-09-19+at+21.26.35.jpeg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="1825" data-original-width="976" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdX_FbQYoqBovezdacbu7fUbyTlJm8HD_f8Co24g8_UqxuAgxXkzBk06L0d69IQwrC42KjYtaCOFeOFPMA5h3lb0Cllql2ejEsA7C8kl-xieUOTSFPzUmbpY3_dJnXFb3uiT8RrwWqqSw/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2021-09-19+at+21.26.35.jpeg" /></a></div>
When I'm stressed or sad, that is the place I go to in my head. I can still smell the flowers that grew by the pool and feel the heat from the sun on my back, water on my face, bundled up in a towel on the swing seat.
My parents were married from that house and 28 years later so was I. On a wet August day, I stepped into my wedding dress in her bedroom, three generations of us standing together, surrounded by the smell of her perfume next to her dressing table covered in photos. </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioW2A32lloouPck5R5afmuJpYczAWfsc5A6W-N7g7LHHHr_u6fHQ2YAC80u_OzVelg6jp6qeT-pUj0anwTjyjMEJG1FHyVOABeJl56qisDQTYHtkg-8Q0y5E4_JzZjKKmG4d975f0S4ug/s960/1231440_10153294299570422_1491230414_n.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioW2A32lloouPck5R5afmuJpYczAWfsc5A6W-N7g7LHHHr_u6fHQ2YAC80u_OzVelg6jp6qeT-pUj0anwTjyjMEJG1FHyVOABeJl56qisDQTYHtkg-8Q0y5E4_JzZjKKmG4d975f0S4ug/s320/1231440_10153294299570422_1491230414_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div> At Little Tye granny would bring a teapot down to the poolside, always a mix with Earl Grey and those biscuits that are more chocolate than anything else. The taste of Earl Grey will always be synonymous with her for me.
I can't express how much joy and wonder my grandmother brought into my life in the time that I was blessed to know her.
She has given us all so very much.
She shared my little brothers obsession with Tennis. She would get tickets for Wimbledon through her club and take him with her. To my older brother she gave a love of gardening and the
Great British historical houses.
This postcard from her has been in my bedside table all year.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisnuXrtdcPKigqk5rrlqCNgz2pHWsB1_2s5LK_9Y6loE10BLP8iaNMLMzsJV-r1JKEQzjIPY8UOQCx6D5BXrwzxOTR7X-9OtAm8Qm9WruCc_DT2WtAhqDUf4IjFm1pN0_cdsqDioqnL58/s2016/WhatsApp+Image+2021-09-21+at+19.59.42.jpeg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px; text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisnuXrtdcPKigqk5rrlqCNgz2pHWsB1_2s5LK_9Y6loE10BLP8iaNMLMzsJV-r1JKEQzjIPY8UOQCx6D5BXrwzxOTR7X-9OtAm8Qm9WruCc_DT2WtAhqDUf4IjFm1pN0_cdsqDioqnL58/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2021-09-21+at+19.59.42.jpeg" /></a></div>
In the end after a short but ferocious illness granny made a decision to not live a life hampered by permenant dialysis. Right to the end she was strong and in control of her own fate.
She leaves behind a legacy of love, a life well lived and death defeated through her faith in Jesus. I am so greatful to have known her and been shaped by her many passions and delights and we will all miss her enormously.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div></div></div>Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-43535345640668160592021-01-16T13:21:00.001-08:002021-01-16T13:42:37.523-08:00In which we are not feeling quite like ourselves. Clara said to me in the car this week,
<b>'I just don't feel very much like myself'.</b><div><br /></div><div><b></b>I almost had to pull over such was the arrow straight truth of this.
She is oddly in tune with and articulate about, her feelings. This isn’t the
first time that she has taken the words out of my mouth with her simple
descriptions.</div><div><br /></div><div> It struck me that yes, how can we feel anything like ourselves,
without people to orient ourselves against? Without school, without friends,
without hugs or parties, soft play or grandparents?
She is still learning about her place in the world and its suddenly been cut off at the knees (for the third
time in a year). </div><div><br /></div><div>Recently she has taken to telling people (via zoom generally)
that <b>'the world has turned upside down!'</b> (said with much enthusiasm and hand
gestures to illustrate). Her general point is that her little sister is still
trotting off to preschool every morning while she, the big girl, stays home with
daddy to do her lessons.
Life IS pretty strange lets be honest, for most of us
at the moment. </div><div><br /></div><div>We have generally settled into this third lockdown a little bit
too comfortably if you ask me. It feels less weird than the other ones. We have
become used to living with less. To limiting our ideas and perspectives. Almost,
(but not quite) immune to the staggering death toll and infection rate.</div><div><br /></div><div> (In fact, about the only thing that we’re not bloody well immune to is covid19 itself!) </div><div><br /></div><div> The last couple of weeks in Leeds we have had snow. Oodles and oodles
of it, the stuff you dream about waking up to as a kid, enough for gigantic snow
people and proper Enid Blyton snowball fights.
The children have been ludicrously delighted and have submerged themselves in it whenever they possibly
could. </div><div><br /></div><div>The schools shut this Friday, not that it mattered too much to Clara who
is, as I previously mentioned being scrupulously ( I hope) home educated by her
father. But it meant that I got a bonus weekend day from work.
I started walking to work on Friday before I heard that school was shut and found myself moved by
it afresh.</div><div><br /></div><div> You see snow offers a settling. A purity of sorts. I don't understand
it really. On a grown-up level I'm really irritated by it, and the car was stuck
so I was quite literally trapped by it. But on a deeper, older level I was
calmed and enchanted.
It brings fun and lightness in its thick unapologetic, unsolicited blanket. </div><div><br /></div><div> This Friday morning as I walked while the sun rose upon my
back I was aware of how the snow drew forth smiles on strangers faces, at
something so much bigger than us, something so gloriously inconvenient,
something to think about other than the virus. </div><div><br /></div><div> This year I feel that the seasons
have marked the passing of time better and more reliably than any of the normal
things. No restrictions have been put on them. They have continued as God
intended. sun shining and Leaves dropping when they ought to, now snow falling.
I have inhabited the perfect cycle of a children’s storybook year and it has
brought me great comfort. </div><div><br /></div><div>For despite everything, we are still here. We are
still marking the gradual passing of time allotted to each month and year just
like we always have done and regardless of how much we wish it would pass or
linger. </div><div><br /></div><div> And I do want it to pass - and very soon if at all possible. </div><div><br /></div><div>But for
now, I will stay here and inhabit my strange upside down world in the best and
most hopeful way I possibly can.</div><div><br /></div><div> I am sending my love to you as you do the same.
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</div>Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-63374450134063898392020-10-30T13:28:00.002-07:002021-01-16T13:50:20.544-08:00Landslides<p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: white;">I am in the garden, and my imagination fills it up with people
unbidden. Cousins shout and giggle at me from the hammock, the paddling pool
overflows as kids jump in and out.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">Friends in and out of our spare room, shared meals around our
too small table in the kitchen. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">Matts ordination, the smiling faces of friends old and new. Back
two summers ago to Sylvies first birthday, gazebo up blowing out the candles
surrounded by balloons and more people.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I pull myself back to the present. Just me, pushing Leo on
the swing as the blazing sun sets on another autumn day. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I felt the loss at that moment. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I haven’t written in a while because, honestly whats to
write? When there was a bit of freedom on the cards we were jumping at it and
too busy experiencing it to bother putting pen to paper! Then when it slowly
ebbed away I felt too disheartened to record it. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">Today I felt like I wanted to again though. Leeds goes into
tier three on Monday. Life will go back to being more like the lockdown we
experienced in the spring, I want to write about the strangeness of these times.
The odd sense of futility as the numbers rise again. The bizarre parcelling up
of the UK with first the devolved nations and then of England itself as we are
organised into tiers. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh53a2D969GlCPcJULu-z2k9tMjypgfW09F9ryK9ewhQw_mH6zKy191TyQ1KX0U8lsiDClg0uHsAS1CmgaWU0-ybsECrgzK0z-OpBREkSEzSM5qA-4XONRnt-b1oJ_02Vxqa_Mer1gksw0/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh53a2D969GlCPcJULu-z2k9tMjypgfW09F9ryK9ewhQw_mH6zKy191TyQ1KX0U8lsiDClg0uHsAS1CmgaWU0-ybsECrgzK0z-OpBREkSEzSM5qA-4XONRnt-b1oJ_02Vxqa_Mer1gksw0/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24.jpeg" /></span></a><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">We had some truly glorious times over the summer, visiting friends
and going on holiday. We even had people stay with us which was amazing. A meal
for Sylvie’s birthday with close friends was another highlight.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> And finally I hosted
my immediate family for my mums 60<sup>th</sup> birthday. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">That day was one of
those memories that we’ll all keep forever. </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">We've also managed to met our nephew Arlo and our niece Charlotte who were both born during lockdown. </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQkuCBi8SOANg98fZIzPm3PeAr_ZZSzmfbk8xwHnUK4eJlSRN_mM_zltPRpMtW-4Rmob5OGEzHQy5W1xKrW4mu9RGoZdYaUz-xk0INCqOSwuDHzj3MLASaicC780qTter4WXuK5qF8XpU/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQkuCBi8SOANg98fZIzPm3PeAr_ZZSzmfbk8xwHnUK4eJlSRN_mM_zltPRpMtW-4Rmob5OGEzHQy5W1xKrW4mu9RGoZdYaUz-xk0INCqOSwuDHzj3MLASaicC780qTter4WXuK5qF8XpU/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Arlo!<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="color: white;"> </span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I’m so glad that we went full throttle in the summer months
(though we were of course within the rules, safe and socially distanced etc) because
now we’ve been cast back into murky uncertainty again. <o:p></o:p></span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh00oJo_AOij4FPLXwzoplfuUZ5Gx3X4qawKKqRZ3FX6c3xMnHS1bsXRHmb7QN27PC5_P4YhYqOeWJ3w27uJcjdOKOykPxYc7Oe1TEEWXUOpYJa1zZHGK4UnnxMizT2UrZ7GzzspaMl9lE/s1408/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23+%25284%2529.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1056" data-original-width="1408" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh00oJo_AOij4FPLXwzoplfuUZ5Gx3X4qawKKqRZ3FX6c3xMnHS1bsXRHmb7QN27PC5_P4YhYqOeWJ3w27uJcjdOKOykPxYc7Oe1TEEWXUOpYJa1zZHGK4UnnxMizT2UrZ7GzzspaMl9lE/w336-h252/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23+%25284%2529.jpeg" width="336" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">|Tomlinson time<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">It feels almost more surreal to me than the first time. Of course
we’ve learned some coping mechanisms since that first lockdown and have had
some improvements in our circumstances…<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> - </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Regular bike riding is now happily a part of my
life, space for just me or for adventuring with one of the kids.</span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> - </span><span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> - </span></span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">We now have Clara in school and Sylvie in preschool so I don’t have to entertain them so much throughout the week (as long as schools stay open!)</span></span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguIwKrWnlKhwZAr8CEnxen4nHFblVKtQ8hsk0mzOCckMlzNnZXKxi6IX13B7jXjeQfD0_L2Bzb0NWWNyNpxpaslcSLw0mZve1I9kyyX3Bz-LjITNGnwDPfCH8RShlbhkgFU0bHopu5I4k/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25283%2529.jpeg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguIwKrWnlKhwZAr8CEnxen4nHFblVKtQ8hsk0mzOCckMlzNnZXKxi6IX13B7jXjeQfD0_L2Bzb0NWWNyNpxpaslcSLw0mZve1I9kyyX3Bz-LjITNGnwDPfCH8RShlbhkgFU0bHopu5I4k/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25283%2529.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">solo time with this one<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmfVRVc12uptaWu4Y8V02VXaFQf-E01WzNElnSXRGcupJdg8sGoS3fdiyZdPgRHam9HhCH7aR3tsG2g-7CFl0L2uLhfQD_6URge2wqNUXvAskYKjayRgZm5Yh8CIIIVe13kFQRLOxwMiw/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25285%2529.jpeg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmfVRVc12uptaWu4Y8V02VXaFQf-E01WzNElnSXRGcupJdg8sGoS3fdiyZdPgRHam9HhCH7aR3tsG2g-7CFl0L2uLhfQD_6URge2wqNUXvAskYKjayRgZm5Yh8CIIIVe13kFQRLOxwMiw/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25285%2529.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Best Bubble pals!<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="color: white; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> - </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><!--[endif]-->- - We have formed a ‘childcare bubble’ with a friend
to keep our 1yr olds socialising and hopefully to ensure that they won’t suffer
too much separation anxiety when things do go back to normal.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">- </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -18pt;">We did it once before and we know that we can do
it again. Humans are so resilient as we have seen all around the world in this
time.</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: white;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> - </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->I’ve finally mastered booking online shopping
slots</span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">Above all we are so fortunate that Matt has a secure job and
that we are able to keep afloat well even in the tough times. We tell ourselves
this a LOT because honestly looking down the barrel of the next six months is
so stressful that it has me reaching for the metaphorical (and often as my
waistline can attest to, the actual!) cookies.</span></p>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH-RGpPNBatqqNpgosj9b2jziAaHsrt8eD8_8zOwCLHDDyIO-gghvctKXZ0mKZ9BekNplzVoFs3nenCy2DRooUqPH2I85UW-K8AFDfMByGdu_Wcm4WJorc3gLSpdpOhvctTe6F85uaZ1Y/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23+%25285%2529.jpeg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH-RGpPNBatqqNpgosj9b2jziAaHsrt8eD8_8zOwCLHDDyIO-gghvctKXZ0mKZ9BekNplzVoFs3nenCy2DRooUqPH2I85UW-K8AFDfMByGdu_Wcm4WJorc3gLSpdpOhvctTe6F85uaZ1Y/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23+%25285%2529.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">Little Charlotte <br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I am not okay, this country is not okay and the world is not
okay. Yet somehow we must find a way through this thing. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I am trying to apply my thoughts to jobs and the future but I’m
struggling to find clarity. I am often exhausted and my concentration is not
what it used to be. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">Author Sarah Bessey recently likened the global situation to
a mountain lake into which a landslide of mud and silt has been dumped. She went
on to reflect the following which I found useful..<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;"><strong><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">‘I’d argue that 2020 is a particular
landslide for all of us</span></i></strong><i><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> - a global pandemic, uncertainty, political upheaval, exploding
racial tensions, rise of Christian nationalism, the powers and principalities
of this world all rising. The landslides aren’t over for many of us. We have
been buried under the landslides of our times and our days…And we wonder why
nothing feels clear, why everything feels murky and uncertain and muddy. We’re
living in the aftermath of the landslide and it simply takes time for the dust
to settle…</span><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;"> in order to
have full clarity of what - if anything - is next.’</span><o:p></o:p></strong></span></i></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><strong><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">I guess what I’m saying by sharing this is
that we need to have ultimate compassion on ourselves and our neighbours right
now. So much is still to come, so much upheaval and inconvenience. <o:p></o:p></span></span></strong></p>
<p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><strong><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">So lets put one foot in front of the other together
as we move towards advent. This is normally one of my favourite times of year
for slowing down (HA) unplugging and looking forward to once again being reminded
of what Jesus was willing to do for us. <o:p></o:p></span></span></strong></p>
<p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><strong><span style="color: white; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This year we need reminding of his mercy more
than ever. I desperately need to immerse myself in the hope and joy that that he
continually brings, the renewal and strength that comes from his spirit in us. </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></strong></p><p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><strong><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="color: white; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></span></strong></p><p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_qdQV4MK-XIKO9-DkdQ9MBHc78SWCZSekjNAjxZb295RqIt7aLM4g9MsLLHQKJxGTrus2_nooh8Nq4YHXh8_xvp-K5xLaWUCeqNeWcmtuWZQh1_jefVuCC1cTyUCtwppoRHXnDTiwBoI/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25284%2529.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_qdQV4MK-XIKO9-DkdQ9MBHc78SWCZSekjNAjxZb295RqIt7aLM4g9MsLLHQKJxGTrus2_nooh8Nq4YHXh8_xvp-K5xLaWUCeqNeWcmtuWZQh1_jefVuCC1cTyUCtwppoRHXnDTiwBoI/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25284%2529.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">making the most of time <br />with one of my best friends <br /><br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table></p><p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiltp6-VCOZ8Xmla07mPKbuu7g6qMVvvwE3hk8RxtfWy0crDB-f4hrq6njflTvgHk4X_2SNc5kSd27s0MeapidTig3d-Z9uQCoPHYiYRXy_-CVLEyTe0_qUp-kBR79zWjWzYFSerZi-ek/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25281%2529.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiltp6-VCOZ8Xmla07mPKbuu7g6qMVvvwE3hk8RxtfWy0crDB-f4hrq6njflTvgHk4X_2SNc5kSd27s0MeapidTig3d-Z9uQCoPHYiYRXy_-CVLEyTe0_qUp-kBR79zWjWzYFSerZi-ek/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25281%2529.jpeg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimACI1vEpYqLunV0EscmYlOAf-F13QrcWQ-tp94I47Tdp_Nfgq7GzjringuyP-isPhWIboh6VlpcCi4jAaYwXgdfVwVcB3mDIxtMBHCZGyAaG3YcGYzR4FI-7j6ZkU2lptIdkP3F8GImY/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25282%2529.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimACI1vEpYqLunV0EscmYlOAf-F13QrcWQ-tp94I47Tdp_Nfgq7GzjringuyP-isPhWIboh6VlpcCi4jAaYwXgdfVwVcB3mDIxtMBHCZGyAaG3YcGYzR4FI-7j6ZkU2lptIdkP3F8GImY/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.24+%25282%2529.jpeg" /></a></span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju4H0lg3nKtBFclOH07yr_MRyKtp79xiV4NPOZAXo9YgrbgYpjtTQy89VBk48cL2mYjrwhaWn2njQpo0lBL4kIwUxIn4mqgODpgqt2jm7vvzyGiA0eO9Tgoo8DD5zYECTYF1FkQnYPxxg/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+19.55.54.jpeg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju4H0lg3nKtBFclOH07yr_MRyKtp79xiV4NPOZAXo9YgrbgYpjtTQy89VBk48cL2mYjrwhaWn2njQpo0lBL4kIwUxIn4mqgODpgqt2jm7vvzyGiA0eO9Tgoo8DD5zYECTYF1FkQnYPxxg/w361-h271/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+19.55.54.jpeg" width="361" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">the BEST holiday<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim2lO-fk0valUIp81fF_X2qDEoxyWebp38OMsNtbED33QSpHz-OKoxSNEtHejgUk9JcozXeFtMdf0fj5lLlfirTuuHCmOUAJ9CgAQIElBu_tXJfQcGrOWD9TmKXCytOG9Ldhorj1a-TQc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23+%25283%2529.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim2lO-fk0valUIp81fF_X2qDEoxyWebp38OMsNtbED33QSpHz-OKoxSNEtHejgUk9JcozXeFtMdf0fj5lLlfirTuuHCmOUAJ9CgAQIElBu_tXJfQcGrOWD9TmKXCytOG9Ldhorj1a-TQc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-10-30+at+20.03.23+%25283%2529.jpeg" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: white;">we celebrated 7 years married!<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="line-height: 19.5pt; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm; margin: 0cm 0cm 12pt;"></p>Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-82254753218588575872020-06-30T12:34:00.001-07:002020-06-30T12:34:06.906-07:00Day 100<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well here we are.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Girls are back at preschool for the next couple of weeks and
we are working out this tentative new normal. we had a lovely time enjoying some freedom in the glorious sunshine last week and just figuring out how life works now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj86UHrHWpMxCqE3qxfzWt3g-blSALxD0yL40Cyv9L8JmA66ehmFLfnTKYIZYx7iGy2lRLth9R2P6Adelnld_uOaDAo1kdHRhMmoUQpSyxEqO4MkBf7oGJccWd8kKVzKCeF3RVjFdy9DdE/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj86UHrHWpMxCqE3qxfzWt3g-blSALxD0yL40Cyv9L8JmA66ehmFLfnTKYIZYx7iGy2lRLth9R2P6Adelnld_uOaDAo1kdHRhMmoUQpSyxEqO4MkBf7oGJccWd8kKVzKCeF3RVjFdy9DdE/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">coffee with my boyz</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuh4J6N8rEfrkzPeywleizIksV0kDKadq7ZobCkL-4TJHtmTVXEHSU-XuH6rXGjJbgdmUFc6wDurrucEtvci2eIyIi4hxvj7KrVMd_pbsO9KhCRRAolUmPDItSGBwbp3h42hJCWzPBbhc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.46.46.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuh4J6N8rEfrkzPeywleizIksV0kDKadq7ZobCkL-4TJHtmTVXEHSU-XuH6rXGjJbgdmUFc6wDurrucEtvci2eIyIi4hxvj7KrVMd_pbsO9KhCRRAolUmPDItSGBwbp3h42hJCWzPBbhc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.46.46.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Here is a recent exchange with the girls which sums up the
confusion of the country; <o:p></o:p></div>
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Clara: 'so we can go back to preschool mummy, are the poorly
people better?' <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: 'umm no, at least not all of them, some of them are
better but not everyone.'<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Clara: 'so can we go swimming?'<o:p></o:p></div>
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Me: 'no I'm afraid not' <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Sylvie: (interrupting in a sing song tone) 'but we can
always go to the woods?!' <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: 'yes Sylvie we can always go to the woods, how about
this afternoon?!'<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sylvie: 'but I don't want to' <o:p></o:p></div>
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Me: oh okay. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Clara: and can we see granny and grandpa? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Me: yes I think we can stay with them soon! Although
probably best not to hug them, I think, but I'm not sure *bangs head against
wall* <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I've been feeling deflated, partly by dint of the cooler
weather, partly by the baby cutting molars with a resultant serious dip in the
sleep stakes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Trying to stay well, mainly by not reading news articles
entitled 'the new swine flu', excercizing regularly and cutting out sweets and
chocolate for now (Sob). <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Just getting through each day at this point.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Gradually dipping our toe into making plans to see family and friends, the baby turned one this past weekend and we celebrated it with my brother and his family which was lovely.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW7FXLBN3x-UZgVoysHoRvKEgpP9kiBksM-PjSB72xAWRTNz62l_qQeE_x5l7FFeNYVFLeC6Ji6hLN3waev3Zqg6WE5XUi2ZfHL5XdA31KMElPSuLF1rFwom3Y32BKy1xIPCDp5fJxDR0/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.09+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW7FXLBN3x-UZgVoysHoRvKEgpP9kiBksM-PjSB72xAWRTNz62l_qQeE_x5l7FFeNYVFLeC6Ji6hLN3waev3Zqg6WE5XUi2ZfHL5XdA31KMElPSuLF1rFwom3Y32BKy1xIPCDp5fJxDR0/s400/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.09+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">one!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRF0KF57yGIR9RB1QkZ-shNWKtJnXfI4FYxBIo0XXq4QK0tYUf52anY5mvYPZdUbJi1tdCiLb0vVYSL6K55uRUM_NCdW5kT7E9sJxwonzeKi-dEVio7h7j-RccGT1bh_CTEmKzonQWS6Q/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+20.09.57.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRF0KF57yGIR9RB1QkZ-shNWKtJnXfI4FYxBIo0XXq4QK0tYUf52anY5mvYPZdUbJi1tdCiLb0vVYSL6K55uRUM_NCdW5kT7E9sJxwonzeKi-dEVio7h7j-RccGT1bh_CTEmKzonQWS6Q/s400/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+20.09.57.jpeg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">teeny babe</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
cant believe it was a whole year ago that we finally convinced him to come out!!! Full story is here...</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://encounterswithjoy.blogspot.com/2019/07/leo-isaac-david.html" target="_blank"> http://encounterswithjoy.blogspot.com/2019/07/leo-isaac-david.html</a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3RXJ1JA4EhI3IcNDrsrTpJLkd86VCticAGec2Kwj4A5LQnNhDVx-YEOh9DXR18GH-QsKrnjcVOuEk9VL4Ov2fISkErUrRYT-bSCGO0JT_gb4KVDek7XkYjIoPt4lNqG5vgwhLI6VF2LM/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.08+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3RXJ1JA4EhI3IcNDrsrTpJLkd86VCticAGec2Kwj4A5LQnNhDVx-YEOh9DXR18GH-QsKrnjcVOuEk9VL4Ov2fISkErUrRYT-bSCGO0JT_gb4KVDek7XkYjIoPt4lNqG5vgwhLI6VF2LM/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.08+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ydDblzj_k4JwfJl0R1HJ9rV7ycxeHxaff6s0UJc7wZ9lQW6yno4L2I7wfzayyg4IPq1T_1WZAgCSKqvrIiOznioOxDeCtwDvPIsRfOtKjxHaZZzpxD9S4K30f2Duzvvwgip9y_s87QQ/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.08+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ydDblzj_k4JwfJl0R1HJ9rV7ycxeHxaff6s0UJc7wZ9lQW6yno4L2I7wfzayyg4IPq1T_1WZAgCSKqvrIiOznioOxDeCtwDvPIsRfOtKjxHaZZzpxD9S4K30f2Duzvvwgip9y_s87QQ/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.08+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">with his cousin</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8LFQEJcH6EKVsw4M5ac8kLRTaoQeNskpp6mHp_YtXuUxJROOWhyphenhyphenTwTYROJjEqE7O7d1f73joNgO63WbFmagKxHQZdBz_gofiPpU64VNSGI-C_AGlryYexGFzYJE8MTDh13oDI1yLES2M/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.08+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8LFQEJcH6EKVsw4M5ac8kLRTaoQeNskpp6mHp_YtXuUxJROOWhyphenhyphenTwTYROJjEqE7O7d1f73joNgO63WbFmagKxHQZdBz_gofiPpU64VNSGI-C_AGlryYexGFzYJE8MTDh13oDI1yLES2M/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.08+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">strawberry picking </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAiGoPLgRVgu48Usp1wGrPH_VnsTr2EWPd5P95EkvZS3UM8QASRluKxCakt_8OIXkwtUzFfChqyVbBwxQaHy6_WYAIXOhuEu44cb-KAnH0b7txfnSdxES7wYt022lsVs7qwjL53C7vKH4/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.09.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAiGoPLgRVgu48Usp1wGrPH_VnsTr2EWPd5P95EkvZS3UM8QASRluKxCakt_8OIXkwtUzFfChqyVbBwxQaHy6_WYAIXOhuEu44cb-KAnH0b7txfnSdxES7wYt022lsVs7qwjL53C7vKH4/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.09.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Leo celebrated it by learning how to throw things in the
toilet! (RIP landline).<o:p></o:p></div>
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weve also been discovering some more local walks and making some new equine friends. </div>
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Sending love and hoping that everyone else is enjoying some of the simpler pleasures in this new normal. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijdDZIpuNGOk_tYoiwCcuFbgbh10MwwZkonLvnldBAtrFKOVH8d2v8PVDvVeD5L-x1cFBV4HLuaD3oFw_eUg24WfZJ0B73xIthjJ2299fHGfBTjIw-iFKf1mHgONFqR8HMU8Tz63eIDQg/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.28+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijdDZIpuNGOk_tYoiwCcuFbgbh10MwwZkonLvnldBAtrFKOVH8d2v8PVDvVeD5L-x1cFBV4HLuaD3oFw_eUg24WfZJ0B73xIthjJ2299fHGfBTjIw-iFKf1mHgONFqR8HMU8Tz63eIDQg/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.28+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXlHgxZK3ERSQJDSI7sshcd8YifVNjQED-Iwdk-1WTN3PEY50FKX34U1fg249fheJk90ksNKC_-B9QwBIKORfg-yPGtG_D_QeGFnlwpx70ZjjwojWICqH5XZQNvfI7XFqcSopq5YcPoGk/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXlHgxZK3ERSQJDSI7sshcd8YifVNjQED-Iwdk-1WTN3PEY50FKX34U1fg249fheJk90ksNKC_-B9QwBIKORfg-yPGtG_D_QeGFnlwpx70ZjjwojWICqH5XZQNvfI7XFqcSopq5YcPoGk/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx3wrAyStT5biSQVjKsbns8lyGPkjsa6wpyOvjNo8mOZTmY94yEsYH7VD-Tw3uB8fzJcghiB2gCKLyQL5kUsc3qRPzTLqohLnaMeIP6GCD2qThNEHst43FOPfxAmPbadiK3FNirFty3wY/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx3wrAyStT5biSQVjKsbns8lyGPkjsa6wpyOvjNo8mOZTmY94yEsYH7VD-Tw3uB8fzJcghiB2gCKLyQL5kUsc3qRPzTLqohLnaMeIP6GCD2qThNEHst43FOPfxAmPbadiK3FNirFty3wY/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfsZ56BovrBrYLO_YZN_2S-yhA8fBiRQfXl5YgW1nVOiKBqgAnOA8RJqihyc8zkFJBn-k-vn6v-evdxSGIyUDkaykAIbPoK8IfncuV7XfPbJbHhMomOuMuKtJV4WUvgqkGu6_09Yhc0rs/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25284%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfsZ56BovrBrYLO_YZN_2S-yhA8fBiRQfXl5YgW1nVOiKBqgAnOA8RJqihyc8zkFJBn-k-vn6v-evdxSGIyUDkaykAIbPoK8IfncuV7XfPbJbHhMomOuMuKtJV4WUvgqkGu6_09Yhc0rs/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27+%25284%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">love adventuring with these lovelies</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdOfvkdSMnH4e8vHNl6cJkdBYgwSb0Fvy61tenXKYfsN1tzQ2k0TPAynObgiM52kJSxF2t3cwP8B3EvkDOQKgCY1JaTkXbYXtOqck53_JeX1daZyUc2JiUkIW6RwUlCwkQrf-4JkIAnt8/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdOfvkdSMnH4e8vHNl6cJkdBYgwSb0Fvy61tenXKYfsN1tzQ2k0TPAynObgiM52kJSxF2t3cwP8B3EvkDOQKgCY1JaTkXbYXtOqck53_JeX1daZyUc2JiUkIW6RwUlCwkQrf-4JkIAnt8/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.27.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheaDlh2X5S5oZGIdLhgeYFI_34TgGsIaJMA69x6bQWJYTPcwfFSWlyZELaYBfriYMbgXK0BguV-Ek6miIB27jUXTWxDXo6ZF7o69EcYPYnVD8QdrXn0Oa1oF3iE0LI5vQfXhob4tlNH3E/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.28.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheaDlh2X5S5oZGIdLhgeYFI_34TgGsIaJMA69x6bQWJYTPcwfFSWlyZELaYBfriYMbgXK0BguV-Ek6miIB27jUXTWxDXo6ZF7o69EcYPYnVD8QdrXn0Oa1oF3iE0LI5vQfXhob4tlNH3E/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.43.28.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">garden haul</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw4zH_69ZjDun_LkhLgMTq2L6iWMELoUQpM_knbJ4hrhU2kClSCBZRCUEAsIyDAoKz78Fq4Tph6_iujX8A2_bMXBixf01LTZx-Z1mqWumEr88ffG6jKwChOdjKVKTx45Hl-5SGNf_6_lg/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.07.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1599" data-original-width="900" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw4zH_69ZjDun_LkhLgMTq2L6iWMELoUQpM_knbJ4hrhU2kClSCBZRCUEAsIyDAoKz78Fq4Tph6_iujX8A2_bMXBixf01LTZx-Z1mqWumEr88ffG6jKwChOdjKVKTx45Hl-5SGNf_6_lg/s400/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-30+at+19.41.07.jpeg" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I made Jam! for the first time since I did it here.....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="http://encounterswithjoy.blogspot.com/2010/07/jam.html" target="_blank"> http://encounterswithjoy.blogspot.com/2010/07/jam.html</a></div>
<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-68818209164591489392020-06-11T12:40:00.001-07:002020-06-11T12:46:06.223-07:00Balancing Act <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-al9z0xIq8mSOYQRSEaNRJZZIEJJYrUjrGFcP1_gY9x5NrWxxLOFcel_RUimo5TrsiaDMgJauQwSirJrp2DJ2CvKT7ZMjQtsfy090-20gobKygiftZYZ0aB39Jxbth19ZhWHi5iSYMA/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.07.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1408" data-original-width="792" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-al9z0xIq8mSOYQRSEaNRJZZIEJJYrUjrGFcP1_gY9x5NrWxxLOFcel_RUimo5TrsiaDMgJauQwSirJrp2DJ2CvKT7ZMjQtsfy090-20gobKygiftZYZ0aB39Jxbth19ZhWHi5iSYMA/s400/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.07.jpeg" width="225" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I look at this picture I think of the balance tipping.
I think about what a delicate tightrope the whole world is walking on right
now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A balance that can come crashing down at any moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This picture looks peaceful and calm, but 10 minutes later
me and Sylvie were both crying our eyes out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Like I said, things can change quickly around here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">At the start of the week we all felt quite hopeful! Things
were gradually getting better, the girls were due back at preschool for two
mornings at the start of the week and Matt had taken the week off for a much
needed break and change in routine. Day trips were planned and we were excited.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then suddenly, on Monday evening after a lovely morning of
preschool Clara complained of a headache and we realised she was running a
temperature. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She was still hot in the morning so we took her to have a
Covid test done. As those of you who have had one know, it is a far from
pleasant experience. She was scared and upset and it was pretty stressful for
Matt as well who had to administer the test in the back of the car. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUh2XXsT0zad-K8_YzXQz5bcGYzNgZigH65CJBT6_Q5ky_ysUZvmehsPFu6ou_4SnX8al_njygetkZYUg3IFf8Zg70AMjVvcZbk_AyyJZs0FcmyNBb6ycyzmvCG-EWUJmZoGFuJ3HKQ5w/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUh2XXsT0zad-K8_YzXQz5bcGYzNgZigH65CJBT6_Q5ky_ysUZvmehsPFu6ou_4SnX8al_njygetkZYUg3IFf8Zg70AMjVvcZbk_AyyJZs0FcmyNBb6ycyzmvCG-EWUJmZoGFuJ3HKQ5w/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Since then we've been waiting for the result. She perked up
very quickly and has been her normal cheerful self (which I am beyond greatful
for) but the flip side is that we all have to isolate until we get a negative
test back for her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This has cast a serious gloom on Matt and I, which the (ever
observant) children have picked up on. Watching these precious rest days waste
away. We've tried to do some fun things, but I just feel terrible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Trapped once again, freedom taken away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I hate this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Just after the first picture was taken I attempted to put Sylvie
In her bed. Just as she was dropping off a friend rang the doorbell and woke
her. After that she was inconsolable. I lay down next to her and after a while
began to cry as well, rocking her in my arms. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is so hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">These days can feel isolated and introspective. In the same
hour I can feel both like parent of the year and a complete failure. There is a
sense of disconnect for me that I am finding is casting me severely off kilter.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Like I said before, we are all balancing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yet some things need to come crashing down. I've been
following the changes triggered by the aftermath of the tragic death of George
Floyd. So many voices are speaking up and finally being heard. We all need to
re-examine ourselves in the light of George Floyd's murder and in the light of
the many other black lives needlessly lost. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Personally I am sorry for where I haven't been aware enough
or perhaps interested enough, to speak up and make changes. To push forwards
into a world where Black lives are valued and protected in the same way that
their white counterparts take for granted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am commited to re-educating myself and those I hold sway
with. To standing as a better and stronger advocate until privalege is
something that we can all enjoy whatever the tone of our skin. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is so much to learn and we are often scared to say
anything in case we say the wrong thing. But maybe life is too short for us to
live enthralled to the terrible possibility of being wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So these are the tightropes I'm balancing on at the moment.
I know I'm not alone no matter how much it can feel like it sometimes. So many
of us are asking deeper questions both of ourselves and of the systems all
around us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I'm struggling for God, longing to hear his voice in
this mess. Longing to feel his grace for the terrible hash we humans have made
of things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Right now he speaks to me through our Psalm 23 baby board
book. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZHiaHN-8jee8jbtiZi_I_jN7H15e3mq9V2s7svnN7_gQAnhyphenhyphenRWnXaUos8b5QP-_rIQDi8MZsy_x4_ZWFAHbkwTRIa-8e8BfiaPBHG_lK1_rT4ZwShYMQArFwIoxOYBZ2InKNQ9XGFtfM/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.07+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZHiaHN-8jee8jbtiZi_I_jN7H15e3mq9V2s7svnN7_gQAnhyphenhyphenRWnXaUos8b5QP-_rIQDi8MZsy_x4_ZWFAHbkwTRIa-8e8BfiaPBHG_lK1_rT4ZwShYMQArFwIoxOYBZ2InKNQ9XGFtfM/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.07+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Every night Leo reaches for it and somehow every night it ministers to
the raw and confused places in me. I think anything else would be too
complicated right now. But somehow in the words intended for a child, I have
found some peace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have included the final paragraph here.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The book is 'Found' Psalm 23 by Sally Lloyd Joles</span></div>
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<i> 'Wherever I go I know</i><div>
<i> God’s never stopping<br />never giving up<br />unbreaking </i></div>
<div>
<i>always and forever love will go too!”</i><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
Looking forward to brighter days soon.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZZGi8MXGvIZCwZQpyCirfsAnHvVMC_Br_an9p7VDcsxtPx01pkoT-oqCUNqfhz_iGJUouw7iyW9QvtSpIlAL2FwzXI4SlSsdUmA_5YbKgSUnNZfMr10t_ZntKTfJ0qoxkzSgmwai2izc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZZGi8MXGvIZCwZQpyCirfsAnHvVMC_Br_an9p7VDcsxtPx01pkoT-oqCUNqfhz_iGJUouw7iyW9QvtSpIlAL2FwzXI4SlSsdUmA_5YbKgSUnNZfMr10t_ZntKTfJ0qoxkzSgmwai2izc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyTp4EwKZ3erpRb-u2eCx7hJDIQuZ4Ux8Z_Y3hOPXGvCDRKO1TrDTlVZUz1udNYmST6hjW39SlfgsaDqBZwahomsNvtGBjXZeEFg2vhNiAq1xaLr3aH-Fh-LYCxTnT2wp8lIoR4HF7fCw/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyTp4EwKZ3erpRb-u2eCx7hJDIQuZ4Ux8Z_Y3hOPXGvCDRKO1TrDTlVZUz1udNYmST6hjW39SlfgsaDqBZwahomsNvtGBjXZeEFg2vhNiAq1xaLr3aH-Fh-LYCxTnT2wp8lIoR4HF7fCw/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEbQbZCXNl037HiOk-3kKEydRuhUY9Jab-BRq94FAtVBAvYA-bi1EOnVfqVcNubjZb7HqpST0oZFd7P40OXyfNNdWmS-wu7-LxllBDvXcO9uFoj4haF0B_GoJJtkzCJhbD0TryaoH0lXs/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1408" data-original-width="1056" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEbQbZCXNl037HiOk-3kKEydRuhUY9Jab-BRq94FAtVBAvYA-bi1EOnVfqVcNubjZb7HqpST0oZFd7P40OXyfNNdWmS-wu7-LxllBDvXcO9uFoj4haF0B_GoJJtkzCJhbD0TryaoH0lXs/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.08.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">birthday dungerees</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_MomEUzkLiG6cCu2XlcDVT84p7Fpc1REHshi1hpcMaXXlaI9HkFM_H2P2XPovGiWlt_FtV_6qXFEvWNj7_sE2rrdLHklzpSnub1jZGXt2l6RlGOTnZuDTUwt7dUWvq3R7MEX03axhtrw/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.09+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_MomEUzkLiG6cCu2XlcDVT84p7Fpc1REHshi1hpcMaXXlaI9HkFM_H2P2XPovGiWlt_FtV_6qXFEvWNj7_sE2rrdLHklzpSnub1jZGXt2l6RlGOTnZuDTUwt7dUWvq3R7MEX03axhtrw/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.09+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFTbI-MnHfgp8AvWZ09zxTjUvYniIASPEMewms0jxcNeq9L9d8zuUvVSaN2rrNezPFKjtx3mMkrpkLhg3gPLQhLx8joN1fy-7aAmAiRFndoscq0Y98s553hJtiq9oc3c1AgarmN6nqE20/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.09+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFTbI-MnHfgp8AvWZ09zxTjUvYniIASPEMewms0jxcNeq9L9d8zuUvVSaN2rrNezPFKjtx3mMkrpkLhg3gPLQhLx8joN1fy-7aAmAiRFndoscq0Y98s553hJtiq9oc3c1AgarmN6nqE20/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.09+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">back when it was sunny!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3gY5INL1fZSW1iWsThU9cU7AQOllHtA7LTngHCdNtlg66Ns98b3F02IxC6npLOuxUJKZf8peTJJXi7sqP9KPbEZMOtXQtFTn56Tiv9JtpBssycXdI5bITjMrPIsvSpIHgEIgvV1idzk/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.09.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3gY5INL1fZSW1iWsThU9cU7AQOllHtA7LTngHCdNtlg66Ns98b3F02IxC6npLOuxUJKZf8peTJJXi7sqP9KPbEZMOtXQtFTn56Tiv9JtpBssycXdI5bITjMrPIsvSpIHgEIgvV1idzk/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-06-11+at+20.16.09.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
and finally speaking of balancing Leo is now officially a Biped!</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwye-5i7EI4MNVpizB3CIjuBymA-nB3uV7go0GahS3QhV6ywwEpNKTR19R07FKshtTVTqgq1hCUa9cpkLRdPQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-75249077362980408372020-05-29T12:49:00.000-07:002020-05-29T12:49:03.773-07:00week 10<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Deaths of flowers <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I would if I could choose<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Age and die outwards as a tulip does;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not as this iris drawing in, in-coiling<o:p></o:p></div>
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Its complex strange taut inflorescence, willing<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Itself a bud again - though all achieved is<o:p></o:p></div>
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No more than a clenched sadness,<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The tears of gum not flowing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I would choose the tulips reckless way of going;<o:p></o:p></div>
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Whose petals answer light, altering by fractions<o:p></o:p></div>
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From closed to wide, from one through many perfections,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Til wreched, flamboyant, strayed beyond recall,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Like flakes of fire they piecemeal fall.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Edith Joy Scovell</div>
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I was reminded of this poem by my birthday bouquet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2v5YpYMeG65ww6Wr3quuJXZE4Jax6v0fiMf6Ie5djnh1bnpr_6ktxGBxWR-dSWNLe8LqmzH8ww5erKJwdkS08vSfZZbr2pybTmCJp3VXDumgFJ7HxK4_vObl-3dVggVZRHPCbm9oaHJ4/s1600/tulips.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2v5YpYMeG65ww6Wr3quuJXZE4Jax6v0fiMf6Ie5djnh1bnpr_6ktxGBxWR-dSWNLe8LqmzH8ww5erKJwdkS08vSfZZbr2pybTmCJp3VXDumgFJ7HxK4_vObl-3dVggVZRHPCbm9oaHJ4/s320/tulips.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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I haven't written In a while. Life is moving forward again,
trundling slowly. The relief of walks with friends and now we can have
people in our garden from Monday! I've been poised for this moment having
worked hard to plant and tidy these past couple of months. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I had my 32nd birthday, it was wonderful, flowers and scones
and an online game with my family in the evening where we all groaned at my
brother's slow internet connection and slower turn taking! Lovely presents and
cards, all in all a fantastic day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuyE7xYV7OSkKrYQzqJCO3T4nxOy1ehsHYaAUfewqO5Pk_-6ZFkYhL1_m-IzeivAj9fkqSFscSGDPmyZREqnMuXm3MMdnnj_QIy3R57FSALSuNqldl_KRzoncHo0Sq5KF3yZIf18nJWkw/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25284%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuyE7xYV7OSkKrYQzqJCO3T4nxOy1ehsHYaAUfewqO5Pk_-6ZFkYhL1_m-IzeivAj9fkqSFscSGDPmyZREqnMuXm3MMdnnj_QIy3R57FSALSuNqldl_KRzoncHo0Sq5KF3yZIf18nJWkw/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25284%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We've also had word that the girls can go back to preschool
in the next couple of weeks! We are going to send them and feel happy to do so.
Which will leave me with two days a week and just the baby! Luxury. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Matt's decided to take a week off to have a proper break, we
would have been off on holiday to France next week so trying not to think about
that too much. Hopefully we'll be able to have a day trip to the seaside and do
some nice things as a family. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Dominic Cummings has dominated the news. I like many others
have been furious. I've really struggled to contain anger the last few weeks
when I've heard of or seen people breaking lockdown unnecessarily and sometimes
selfishly. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This and other stories like it are particularly painful. I
miss my family a lot. I find it hard when politicians talk about being able to
see 'both parents' now with the increased gathering numbers as I don't know
when I will be permitted to travel and stay with my parents.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So many of us don't live round the corner from family and
are wondering when this will be possible. Trying to tread lightly and not
indulge the anger but also to acknowledge the feelings.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I don't know what else to say about that other than that I
am a work in progress. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We finally got our hands on a trampoline this week which
makes me feel like a teenager again in a great way, I can even still do a front
flip!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are some photos of the nice moments xx</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM5DQWz8LyB18bkSig5kAKEo-pTPqUReLGiz6RTA3VWeEFXfZJMDaAZrQ3oxxe2XCxLVGTszMfPIIN9Fpdy2f4A2qsm-EizDw4ZDaeUbN8X_73OFeas6z6WaxgF4hl3t3mDhTMGdiMGtU/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM5DQWz8LyB18bkSig5kAKEo-pTPqUReLGiz6RTA3VWeEFXfZJMDaAZrQ3oxxe2XCxLVGTszMfPIIN9Fpdy2f4A2qsm-EizDw4ZDaeUbN8X_73OFeas6z6WaxgF4hl3t3mDhTMGdiMGtU/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbZaz6EIEZVg5VZPbhMPc3LEW-Zfvyvii3U74hf4IprYjlF9sVuflJZMN_etV1O1aIf-wHBT9bi3GC7x_NLvQydCRFxto1wlTrvbuGKM8LCLdlIm5w2iHgBcbxz_Un09HWOqWtEPGSwvs/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbZaz6EIEZVg5VZPbhMPc3LEW-Zfvyvii3U74hf4IprYjlF9sVuflJZMN_etV1O1aIf-wHBT9bi3GC7x_NLvQydCRFxto1wlTrvbuGKM8LCLdlIm5w2iHgBcbxz_Un09HWOqWtEPGSwvs/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">local swan family!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGpQ2SwPfAGSiuPQ9HrsQtEq322R7iXre0iufjEtxMJEaaW837gOo7tkx2Czf7Tc1aNdQZNeLDEvI1qcaCCgZt-lWVp5ca_Jr2up-BkobnrhE998zDrTlA5vJnmvwyVs_4KeozUAd0Wok/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGpQ2SwPfAGSiuPQ9HrsQtEq322R7iXre0iufjEtxMJEaaW837gOo7tkx2Czf7Tc1aNdQZNeLDEvI1qcaCCgZt-lWVp5ca_Jr2up-BkobnrhE998zDrTlA5vJnmvwyVs_4KeozUAd0Wok/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">trampoline!!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga7GQhTaBUfSbx2SVFamBA1aYd7Hu_avdef-9bXDz9_6hJUJqdmdfhOhsxhmA10D8YIDKUDG8rmBC6fHsBc5mvxu6CVlSIRytacODEC6V5A9bLgUaDvjiZD3s09DwD-ikVlS6j54NWIpc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1408" data-original-width="1056" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga7GQhTaBUfSbx2SVFamBA1aYd7Hu_avdef-9bXDz9_6hJUJqdmdfhOhsxhmA10D8YIDKUDG8rmBC6fHsBc5mvxu6CVlSIRytacODEC6V5A9bLgUaDvjiZD3s09DwD-ikVlS6j54NWIpc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />distanced walks with friends </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7RbSZuQudC0Za7rXN_UpsGXF8bdff5Ai_0FkECXHskqAGCPvyMdUUhWCXsQ2wSjGulARbZ8xMYHp_iPh_W-1bH1XBfmCA7OwHxSxFk5DcvJIV0GjAmVZ0Yo_J8hIGQJ1WfJadkNHSvGY/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="1322" data-original-width="1322" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7RbSZuQudC0Za7rXN_UpsGXF8bdff5Ai_0FkECXHskqAGCPvyMdUUhWCXsQ2wSjGulARbZ8xMYHp_iPh_W-1bH1XBfmCA7OwHxSxFk5DcvJIV0GjAmVZ0Yo_J8hIGQJ1WfJadkNHSvGY/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnYtCJdbvsFIrQI496aa5I85-LXNvgyuY57j_EzJrm7vm7Y25LswE05FBVLJ0EPhk6wYsQ0tWGAQnTVGewDXGBSsF5mWJVC54u6-ywWAMdA26eqDJHSteEi5tNEJoGKXIyVrPNNsz2DQM/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnYtCJdbvsFIrQI496aa5I85-LXNvgyuY57j_EzJrm7vm7Y25LswE05FBVLJ0EPhk6wYsQ0tWGAQnTVGewDXGBSsF5mWJVC54u6-ywWAMdA26eqDJHSteEi5tNEJoGKXIyVrPNNsz2DQM/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl2D6wVD4dDiEWMOJ9v01CaLsMl6bM7HaiZqkuF_OLl-xuNFM7BdZk8l29DOxYvsEyFxCUfWg5Wu7i9xNfL6EGPxZXIhmerMST-McynfhjlmIE1m-nuUXWcB2q5ufFWchU3yjjA42zwsQ/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25285%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1408" data-original-width="1056" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl2D6wVD4dDiEWMOJ9v01CaLsMl6bM7HaiZqkuF_OLl-xuNFM7BdZk8l29DOxYvsEyFxCUfWg5Wu7i9xNfL6EGPxZXIhmerMST-McynfhjlmIE1m-nuUXWcB2q5ufFWchU3yjjA42zwsQ/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.43+%25285%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj59CfDrxIKbrGqo4xWEGfNwtzmAMsTnjcuHyVxlWEMV_Mg0NB08W7M3WPtOJ1LYZH78hlUrtLSw3eYfLPiR353srOaHfYf9qiNHOVN_Ky11jFWIMF_cm9tuOlZrYutNzNiKbLAn2e2Vfc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj59CfDrxIKbrGqo4xWEGfNwtzmAMsTnjcuHyVxlWEMV_Mg0NB08W7M3WPtOJ1LYZH78hlUrtLSw3eYfLPiR353srOaHfYf9qiNHOVN_Ky11jFWIMF_cm9tuOlZrYutNzNiKbLAn2e2Vfc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.44.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">windy picnics </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKpoK3zA75r8jsu_HQmkQ7QXJzbWXXNm-ZbbECFxHVbYANU2GgQVjywRgKACmGJ17jPo9QQp2p4CDn9B5dExTZpWYX81EtU2po6fsDXJzC6FW_Fgl3EBFPoLskKLVBTG8XhMWknFBA_sA/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.45+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKpoK3zA75r8jsu_HQmkQ7QXJzbWXXNm-ZbbECFxHVbYANU2GgQVjywRgKACmGJ17jPo9QQp2p4CDn9B5dExTZpWYX81EtU2po6fsDXJzC6FW_Fgl3EBFPoLskKLVBTG8XhMWknFBA_sA/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.45+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwg_iF8SO_p4VlXhd-b8HNMXAEKVvWD71bpGlrQn0XplEoMMyUk1Wc4v6fDvU7pj1ZqRVGOyGFak5k9z4BFDfnw0NkgcmR1vOnfROagu87WLLi4cB-Pob3_xlFtNhx4oUNLN_XP_auCPg/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.45+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwg_iF8SO_p4VlXhd-b8HNMXAEKVvWD71bpGlrQn0XplEoMMyUk1Wc4v6fDvU7pj1ZqRVGOyGFak5k9z4BFDfnw0NkgcmR1vOnfROagu87WLLi4cB-Pob3_xlFtNhx4oUNLN_XP_auCPg/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.45+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Kc_RqtwUIQqjmCbFfdlzDx8Ryv049RP4ZfGky4bWALPPbNTt4u05ZF8qxvmR3CL21SHKF-5xiKyPd-nyuDSF5CSdO7LIFNn2eJyvi_JBVK41w2LxA50NpEOM6LhUagXlmPr4eF95hgc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.45.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1056" data-original-width="1408" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Kc_RqtwUIQqjmCbFfdlzDx8Ryv049RP4ZfGky4bWALPPbNTt4u05ZF8qxvmR3CL21SHKF-5xiKyPd-nyuDSF5CSdO7LIFNn2eJyvi_JBVK41w2LxA50NpEOM6LhUagXlmPr4eF95hgc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.45.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">hammock milk </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4KmXFC_S1ZV8KYN19Ut5lkroXlWCHoAVqG-rUq5cyx3sqVM-0dAH_RCK0FPATMbqsuUBIQk1dyF4qNBZCdwG08PilLMKYGmimU3MCxxzFC3e8ty0c6NE1XNzdWxd_Bvj-ECo_yqGXAc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.46+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4KmXFC_S1ZV8KYN19Ut5lkroXlWCHoAVqG-rUq5cyx3sqVM-0dAH_RCK0FPATMbqsuUBIQk1dyF4qNBZCdwG08PilLMKYGmimU3MCxxzFC3e8ty0c6NE1XNzdWxd_Bvj-ECo_yqGXAc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.46+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjffKCM9Fuxrd1jkRFfwTd6IEF04v6uiM9jp2zrDn1im1wi4ibcJYyMrUX5DYuBzHW7tVNjO__z2eGb6oFjCspB4V2K3ljW_mRffxrAsQdbWKzEZXD1AylRTkmageG2WO0UfOpgD4M-rtE/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.46+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjffKCM9Fuxrd1jkRFfwTd6IEF04v6uiM9jp2zrDn1im1wi4ibcJYyMrUX5DYuBzHW7tVNjO__z2eGb6oFjCspB4V2K3ljW_mRffxrAsQdbWKzEZXD1AylRTkmageG2WO0UfOpgD4M-rtE/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.46+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">stunning views</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRreYKyKUkX1dp2kLvN5o9ufhZfU0QVYXpy-_jPs_o3j-kIPQf0diOK6BfbFStcmz11pdy_TD5rN_s9dmkc1aBnbOLIVqz7AEXdv3Vy3r03TxGDVls-DQRqDbIQvRh7s3eTB6VJ85WuEk/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.46.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1320" data-original-width="1056" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRreYKyKUkX1dp2kLvN5o9ufhZfU0QVYXpy-_jPs_o3j-kIPQf0diOK6BfbFStcmz11pdy_TD5rN_s9dmkc1aBnbOLIVqz7AEXdv3Vy3r03TxGDVls-DQRqDbIQvRh7s3eTB6VJ85WuEk/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-29+at+18.58.46.jpeg" width="256" /></a></div>
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-57402221072980738502020-05-13T12:20:00.000-07:002020-05-13T12:20:54.693-07:00May 13<br />
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Still here, feeling
a bit despondent this week. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Last week the
sun shone the paddling pool was out and I really felt like I was smashing this
parenting in lockdown thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This week we
are all tired despite the extra sleep. There have been many Tantrums and emotional
outbursts (and that’s just me!). <o:p></o:p></div>
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I just feel on
a less even footing, and the announcement at the weekend felt confusing and so
far off what I wanted to hear. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am making
tentative plans to meet with a friend to walk and another to cycle which is
exciting, but it does make me reflect on all that we are missing out on. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am also
feeling quite embarrassed to be English right now. Embarrassed by this
government who I did not vote for or want and for our desertion of the EU (see previous)
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>its painful to see the lies and mistakes
being told and made. I feel I have lost faith in democracy and it is making me
feel very uncomfortable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On the positive
side of things I am enjoying more time to read and cycling. We also installed a
basketball net which has been a lot of fun.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I wonder if
anyone else is feeling a bit down this week? We’ve been doing this so long now
that we can forget what we’ve achieved so far.</div>
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I love looking back at my phone
pictures.</div>
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Little snapshots of beauty in these never ending days.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPYQMYBLcxhe-dDfIODqUkNOAqfbwHY-rYe8QUQSu46eNpLi4jNEZVHO3n6hvYtf4dCOv3aU3YjXJqmnJ8weCZSef1i1y8PalgVPJDwmO6kwvYa_5D2i4KS4abCZ8Ax83KSFwI8yDKD6I/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.01+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPYQMYBLcxhe-dDfIODqUkNOAqfbwHY-rYe8QUQSu46eNpLi4jNEZVHO3n6hvYtf4dCOv3aU3YjXJqmnJ8weCZSef1i1y8PalgVPJDwmO6kwvYa_5D2i4KS4abCZ8Ax83KSFwI8yDKD6I/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.01+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">such a mess all the time!!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbv8l_Mv_QMKu1GV_iCT2Sd_Hu8LKYd7Sp90xCCYxroxbOuio7uMD1YSEQpHZTwZbwRmZUnNJ6MxQLlRWLdP4Cc_lf6-Absz5q2t56AJBkBERTntHI9e_vFpXG8j69QOr_FskET4EbPgk/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.01+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbv8l_Mv_QMKu1GV_iCT2Sd_Hu8LKYd7Sp90xCCYxroxbOuio7uMD1YSEQpHZTwZbwRmZUnNJ6MxQLlRWLdP4Cc_lf6-Absz5q2t56AJBkBERTntHI9e_vFpXG8j69QOr_FskET4EbPgk/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.01+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">loose parts play</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvGurP1Jmj6v8jv4eVSU9lziM7vobMCIZR7EBqt2aoROHeZWYWZFYN1dcF-VQlUUguwQ0-SA6Hg3W9XJ6IzADt365krUGmdenam6Z6WVCK-Rjy2w-eTJnEbH4WwEd8luI45Im5B4iwv4o/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.01.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvGurP1Jmj6v8jv4eVSU9lziM7vobMCIZR7EBqt2aoROHeZWYWZFYN1dcF-VQlUUguwQ0-SA6Hg3W9XJ6IzADt365krUGmdenam6Z6WVCK-Rjy2w-eTJnEbH4WwEd8luI45Im5B4iwv4o/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.01.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">in the treehouse </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYA5LFIbjjGrGofBk70N5cawwppR_2bSbS4Pg9uFO8-PIfhXO-nuY86TWTE5-c62iZfcIDjPbOPAkSwRLGv-KVM32lUSEpW10HgjENIXrMxkBpeTLnAeGk9EYTnlZKiRTChX4FAg0a7P4/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.02.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1408" data-original-width="1056" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYA5LFIbjjGrGofBk70N5cawwppR_2bSbS4Pg9uFO8-PIfhXO-nuY86TWTE5-c62iZfcIDjPbOPAkSwRLGv-KVM32lUSEpW10HgjENIXrMxkBpeTLnAeGk9EYTnlZKiRTChX4FAg0a7P4/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.02.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">keep having to wake this one up from danger naps</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX4b85JW9ewKqSMzRi9u3lw1H13_tu8TpPguBFOV5bON8ubm-SSLZg85g356NK48U7KP1vlhrGE_mZaqr2M5PHe5mWHMR4urdnG0p44Znj2UV7rdUruGT8jFP7mxomVlFXKed3eqiDstc/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.03+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX4b85JW9ewKqSMzRi9u3lw1H13_tu8TpPguBFOV5bON8ubm-SSLZg85g356NK48U7KP1vlhrGE_mZaqr2M5PHe5mWHMR4urdnG0p44Znj2UV7rdUruGT8jFP7mxomVlFXKed3eqiDstc/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-13+at+20.11.03+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">peter rabbit small world </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">sums them both up!!!</td></tr>
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-21628204753848050492020-05-05T13:53:00.000-07:002020-05-05T13:53:14.406-07:00Day 50 (May)<br />
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<o:p> </o:p>Well we did it.
We lost an entire month to lockdown!</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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This feels a
bit crazy and I am praying and praying and praying that the month of May (my
favourite month, my BIRTH month no less) will not go the same way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The last week
or so I have been attempting to prioritise some ‘me’ time like so…..<o:p></o:p></div>
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This has been
good, particularly since I discovered Schitts creek on Netflix!! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Things still
feel very repetitive (unsurprisingly) so I am whipping some more sensory based
activities out for the kids which is helping me with a bit more of a sense of
purpose. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A massive plus
has been that all our kids are sleeping amazingly well! (This is by no means a
given with them!!) But we have taken lockdown as a chance to straighten them
all out, sticker charts, nocturnal milk ban etc and its starting to pay off, with
Sylvie even deciding to ditch her night time nappy all by herself this past
week. Its so nice to feel like we are moving forward even whilst being
restricted in other areas. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We also have
finally managed to pump up our bikes and do some cycling which has been
absolutely amazing. Just so nice to do something different with my body. Leo
enjoys it too!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Clara had a
hard moment today. She completely lost it when matt had to pop out, shouting
and crying. She just seemed really stressed by it. I cuddled her and tried
to get her to talk to me about why she was so upset but she didn’t really know.
I thought we were shielding her from the anxiety of the situation fairly well,
but she’s emotionally perceptive and often more aware than we realise which
makes me wonder how much else she picks up on.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Things like this
make me feel so scared about how we’ll ever get back to normal life again. Will
the children have been scarred in some way by this experience? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dypA7JYrWOrmhTOT83Fe78LLNeRGoeGl-3y6V1eVHMSNbkfdMHWmIaxPIzF5uTxd30QwEiKNl_kTPbxkwlLqQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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Most of the
time her and Sylvie are really happy and enjoying their time together, at the
moment I can sometimes forget what’s going on as we move through the days in
our new routine but then something jarring <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>catches me unawares.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga2Eam5ttaBvgBAWnG8v4jONGNtnxhgVm73eqnrdDLdxZxEVJreE1yJ6u1QzR7UJt-3njARq2-DA_0F9Z5F-FZpig-6oUA6XKIRjpqrj1Xl7YKZKh7Ep5UIgszh9VwKC_73pd5dCiGpJ0/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-05+at+19.52.35+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1056" data-original-width="1408" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga2Eam5ttaBvgBAWnG8v4jONGNtnxhgVm73eqnrdDLdxZxEVJreE1yJ6u1QzR7UJt-3njARq2-DA_0F9Z5F-FZpig-6oUA6XKIRjpqrj1Xl7YKZKh7Ep5UIgszh9VwKC_73pd5dCiGpJ0/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-05-05+at+19.52.35+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">not easy to get a family selfie!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-43561250588452480582020-04-27T11:26:00.001-07:002020-04-27T11:26:57.351-07:00Day 42 (ish)<span style="font-family: inherit;">Found a couple of scraps of observations on my phone that I wrote over the last few days. Ithought they showed a snapshot of the contrasts we're living with at the moment so i'm publishing them together....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This morning I let the baby sleep and did my workout in peace. The
girls are increasingly independent in their play, I never know what I'm going
to find when I happen upon them again. <br />
<br />
I wake Leo and wander into the living room, chancing upon what looks like a
family of parakeets who have unfortunately exploded all over the floor. <br />
<br />
The colourful feathers I brought for crafting have been the center of some
elaborate game. Baby delightedly crams them into his mouth.<br />
<br />
We lie for ages in the sunshine tickling each others feet and shouting with
laughter, blinded by the sun coming in at the window. <br />
<br />
Piling on top of each other, boy child belly laughing. <br />
<br />
So much joy feels wrong when people are dying and grieving and fighting hard. <br />
<br />
Reconciling joy and pain again.<br />
<br />
It possibly will take my whole life to allow these two to walk along together,
natural fellows, neither diminishing the other but drawing in parallel, until
Jesus comes again. <br /><br />Two days later...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This morning I had that terrible groundhog Day feeling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I pulled the covers over my head and ignored all the children
for as long as possible, it didn't help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Snapped at Matt and scowled over my morning cup of tea. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The children can sense my ennui and are all climbing on me at once.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday this was cute, today I feel overwhelmed by the way they have so much need for
me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I just don't want to be touched right now. I feel like I might scream. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The baby is cross, I am cross. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Middle girl is a sponge soaking up my emotions and she tantrums twice before 9am, shouting fraustration and unreasonable demands.</div>
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She scares me this mirror child. </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I feel stuck and useless, I feel like life has been ruined
forever more.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We make biscuits. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I do the weekly shop very very slowly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I come home and the day is almost over. </span></div>
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Easy does it. </div>
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<!--[endif]--></span>Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-63111612306983813422020-04-16T12:30:00.003-07:002020-04-16T12:34:40.254-07:00Day 31 A hard couple of days so I am methodically jotting down moments of gratitude amongst the bad.<br />
<br />
The babies chubby legs sticky with suncream.<br />
<br />
The smell of wild garlic in the shadowed trees, just like in the sussex woods I walked as a teenager.<br />
<br />
Remembering four years have passed since Clara arrived, four years since that hard labour, and the change it wrought in me. Four years since I was broken and remade.<br />
<br />
Watching her learning to read, haltingly, worlds opening up to her. The best gift I could ever give.<br />
<br />
Easter day,<br />
he is risen even now, he has shrugged off the grave clothes even now.<br />
He reigns here and now.<br />
<br />
Hammock cuddles with each of them in turn.<br />
<br />
Yoga in the garden, woodsmoke and sunset.<br />
<br />
Planting things with dirty hands, wondering at the strangeness of the suffocating soil being the means to grow life.<br />
<br />
Claps and cheers for the NHS floating up into that same sunset.<br />
<br />
New woodland spots.<br />
<br />
Clara got into our first choice of school. Things are changing even as they stay the same.<br />
<br />
Lindor chocolate.<br />
<br />
Mudcakes being made every day on repeat.<br />
<br />
here endeth the list.<br />
<br />
I fell in love with the following poem a decade or so ago. Back then I had both time and inclination to savour the loveliness of life.<br />
<br />
In the years that have elapsed since I have carried these lines in my head, like a constant refrain;<br />
<i><div>
<i><br /></i></div>
Spend all you have for loveliness,<br /> Buy it and never count the cost;<br />For one white singing hour of peace<br /> Count many a year of strife well lost</i><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -16px;"><br /></i>
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<div style="text-align: left; text-indent: -16px;">
Increasingly I am doing this, my time constraints have changed over the years but my desire to encounter beauty has not.</div>
<div style="text-indent: -16px;">
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<div style="text-indent: -16px;">
Even more so in these days, </div>
<div style="text-indent: -16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-indent: -16px;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
pursuing that beautiful <i>'white singing hour of peace' </i>and the relief it brings to connect with God even</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
for a tiny moment, in being present and practicing gratitude. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left; text-indent: -16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-indent: -16px;">
Here is the poem in full;</div>
<i><br />Barter <br /><br />Life has loveliness to sell,<br />All beautiful and splendid things,<br />Blue waves whitened on a cliff,<br /></i><div>
<i>Soaring fire that sways and sings,<br />And children's faces looking up<br />Holding wonder like a cup.</i></div>
<div>
<i><br />Life has loveliness to sell,<br /> Music like a curve of gold,<br />Scent of pine trees in the rain,<br /><br />Eyes that love you, arms that hold,<br />And for your spirit's still delight,<br />Holy thoughts that star the night.<br /><br />Spend all you have for loveliness,<br /> Buy it and never count the cost;<br />For one white singing hour of peace<br /> Count many a year of strife well lost,<br /><br />And for a breath of ecstasy<br />Give all you have been, or could be.</i></div>
<div>
<i><br /> Sarah Teasdale </i><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">four years old!!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">yesterday it seems!</td></tr>
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Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-54233129287620700952020-04-10T12:37:00.000-07:002020-04-10T12:44:03.943-07:00Day 25Good Friday<br />
<br />
Trying and failing to engage with Jesus death with three littles underfoot. fielding questions about crucifixion from a four year old (send help).<br />
<br />
Yesterday we decorated our easter tree which is a nice tradition, Matts been working hard on various digital church things so hes been a bit out of the picture. we've also been prepping for Claras 4th birthday which falls on Easter sunday! We've got a good pile of presents and matts been editing a hilarious video of lots of friends and family singing to her which is making me laugh and cry little bit.<br />
<br />
Last night I watched a live gig of one of my favourite poets Hollie McNish. Loving getting to experience things virtually that I never would have made it to in person, definite silver lining.<br />
<br />
I fed the baby in the hammock, hes all chubby armroles and wispy fair hair. He seemed happier today, I can finally see that bloody tooth emerging when I peer into his mouth. Hes changing every day at the moment, its nice that I can watch it unencumbered by nursery runs and other commitments.<br />
<br />
It was a nice garden time until we all realised that the grass was full of ants and we had to strip all three children off who had been rolling in the grass and were covered in ant bites!! oops!!<br />
<br />
Me and the girls went for another long walk this time found a whole new (to us!) wood on the edge of a quarry with motorbike tracks in the middle, it made for very interesting watching. They are getting so adventurous. All this extra walking and suddenly they are shinning up rocks and trees, enjoying it and growing their rescilience every day.<br />
<br />
I genuinely enjoyed spending time with them, they were fun and we were all so present in the moment. The way they relate to each other is changing as well now that they are limited to one another. I'm seeing the fruit starting to emerge, a bit of extra kindness for each other here and there.<br />
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Later on I baked hot cross buns (I am a notoriously terrible baker so I hope no one breaks a tooth!)<br />
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Love to everyone as we all prepare for a very different Easter.<br />
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-6266560596915043052020-04-10T12:09:00.001-07:002020-04-10T12:10:52.770-07:00Day 23<br />
Today was a good day.<br />
<br />
Me and the children went on an epic walk, I forgot the dummy and the sling but
even so we coped and even had fun!<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
As we were walking past a house with a beautiful front garden I complimented
the owner and she dug up a plant for me (leaving it at a respectable distance
of course!) <o:p></o:p><br />
We dropped off a present on the doorstep for one of the girls little friends
and got to see her smile as she opened it. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
On our walk back we exchanged chatter with the people we saw in their
gardens. <o:p></o:p><br />
We arrived home to a parcel of books that Matt had ordered, including a
surprise one for me (books are my love language).<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
The baby napped in the back garden and the girls disappeared off and played
at being cats on holiday (an inexplicable yet consistently popular game of
theirs.)<o:p></o:p><br />
We were able to do some shopping for a vulnerable lady who lives locally.
She keeps chickens and gave me a full box of freshly laid eggs.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
The sun shone and the world felt like a kind place again. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Once the children were in bed Matt and I rocked in the hammock as the sun
set and we talked. Phones left inside, hoovering left undone <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-44414791368912255142020-04-07T23:53:00.000-07:002020-04-07T23:53:30.656-07:00Day 21<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I've
lost my book and everything feels chaotic today. A shanty town of play tents
has appeared in the living room and I feel claustrophobic and desperate for
some time away from the children. <br />
<br />
I thought I might have had more energy in this season of slow starts and gentle
activities but I actually have less. <br />
<br />
It turns out that I'm just not very good at slow and gentle! as an extrovert
fuelled with interaction and new things. In isolation I'm getting none of the
stimulation I normally take for granted and I'm feeling it. <br />
<br />
Might also have something to do with the baby who is teething like you would
not believe. He needs me at night so I am currently up all hours. <br />
<br />
We've been doing a lot of playing doctors recently with some chat about all the 'poorly
people'. My favourite comment came from Sylvie who looked deeply perplexed
and said.. <br />
<br />
'Maybe we should just get the poorly people a plaster to make them feel better?
Then we could go to the swimming pool and cafes again?' <br />
<br />
Don't worry, i'm emailing Boris the suggestion.<br />
<br />
The day was saved in the end by my afternoon walk. Leo was finally happy
when he was in the sling facing me dummy firmly in place and Matt kept the
girls. <br />
<br />
The woods were sundappled and felt magically removed from plague and
pestilence. <br />
Before all this happened I was a bit snooty about this little wood. It has some
oaks and a few slightly scraggy Birches thrown in and is pretty unassuming
generally. <br />
<br />
Now these same woods are like a magical fairy grotto offering space and escape.
We've been exploring them most days the last two weeks and they
keep revealing new secrets, climbing and minibeast hunting spots. Interesting
carvings on rocks and squirrel nests.<br />
<br />
We strolled around taking it in, both humming a bit, enjoying the normal
feelings and forgetting for a little while.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">hoping everyone is holding up well and enjoying the sunshine as much as possible <3 span=""></3></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this lasted 2.5 seconds before they got bored </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzncUusEDbIxIsZTaJCqb7bmaHElOhlyrI0Bo0srVn5-u_stKrkoQuh6nZVuK4_ikWOqy2d9FNmgOuvgnd_Hu1gBdw5mnU19Gw33D1II3ZhcBjePYZuyRcx4DMoCu-_ACWxNfsuSQ5laY/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-07+at+19.28.39.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzncUusEDbIxIsZTaJCqb7bmaHElOhlyrI0Bo0srVn5-u_stKrkoQuh6nZVuK4_ikWOqy2d9FNmgOuvgnd_Hu1gBdw5mnU19Gw33D1II3ZhcBjePYZuyRcx4DMoCu-_ACWxNfsuSQ5laY/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-07+at+19.28.39.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">shanty tents </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheudKYr_Dzz6NqjbwVcfSmtDcao608svlEEFWsZbHS7Xt3rbnY6nAQvx-N7mKcxsNEnALIKJ-oPvm95Kj29UI9w5Vop-gqij-mpvqFUjTaJ3C9_aD6Xe1Pbsr5kxobXKTju12TJmW5aho/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-07+at+19.31.18.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1408" data-original-width="1056" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheudKYr_Dzz6NqjbwVcfSmtDcao608svlEEFWsZbHS7Xt3rbnY6nAQvx-N7mKcxsNEnALIKJ-oPvm95Kj29UI9w5Vop-gqij-mpvqFUjTaJ3C9_aD6Xe1Pbsr5kxobXKTju12TJmW5aho/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-07+at+19.31.18.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">escaping to the woods </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2BIBEp1iGN64jJshT1ubGuU37jZDxSr5RUCtVGU1CEh18TX2CJRWgi6aJNMgxb6RyF9jVKkvhlS2ON3GfApIdMdMmkrKGNI62GGnimIVL7Nwt7XFx92R3jGZxRKSB9VgV1ai8v2Zz6_A/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-07+at+19.29.23.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2BIBEp1iGN64jJshT1ubGuU37jZDxSr5RUCtVGU1CEh18TX2CJRWgi6aJNMgxb6RyF9jVKkvhlS2ON3GfApIdMdMmkrKGNI62GGnimIVL7Nwt7XFx92R3jGZxRKSB9VgV1ai8v2Zz6_A/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-07+at+19.29.23.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-71573075751768029072020-04-01T06:59:00.003-07:002020-04-01T06:59:58.289-07:00Day Sixteen<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another morning lightens, gradually the schedule slips later
as we take our feet off the pedal a bit, <br />
<br />
why hurry if there's nowhere to be? <br />
<br />
For me and the children, no one to miss us or comment if we did nothing at all
or stayed in our pyjamas all day long. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are doing things though, for my
sanity if nothing else.<br />
<br />
In the garden, we're planting out strawberry shoots. God knows that I'm not green
fingered and my languishing houseplants attest to it. But I am trying. It feels
like a huge effort to me, squabbling toddlers in tow (squobblers?) And
grumbling babe strapped to my back. <br />
<br />
I'm so greatful that I don't have to rely on the fruits of this garden to live.
The soil is coarse and difficult, the shade and tree roots unassailable
obstacles to growing and digging. Not to mention the billions of beech nuts
cutting into any feet that dare to be bare.<br />
<br />
We try to tame it a bit, have done the last two springs. Progress slow and
doddering. It's hard to plant passion into a garden we'll be leaving in a year
or two but we try. <br />
<br />
I put the baby down and turn my back for a second filling up the watering cans.
<br />
When I look at him again he has a mouth crammed full of soil, he blissfully
chews on its soft yielding earthiness. He smiles wide showing off teeth caked
in the stuff. <br />
<br />
I hustle him inside for a drink, its the second time he's done that this week.
Just turned nine months old and into the world in a big way. Cheerfully
emptying mop buckets/potties/bins whenever they cross his path. He also has a love affair going on with technology, especially my laptop which
he enjoys lying on top of and licking. <br />
<br />
Back outside and the girls have ceased their squabbles and are happy in the
playhouse. The sun comes through the clouds just a little bit. <br />
<br />
I practice gratitude. <br />
<br />
The girls have stopped asking for the outside world. It turns out there's
enough for them to learn and grow within these walls, that we are enough. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
still don't feel it though. <br />
<br />
Reading the news is scary right now. Crying for the parents who lost their 13
year old boy yesterday. Thinking about refugee camps and countries with dubious
access to health care.<br />
It's so unfair that the poor will suffer the most as they always do.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The enormity of all of this keeps smacking me round the face when I least
expect it. A grim sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, catching sight of
new frown lines in the mirror. <br />
<br />
So I am practicing taking deep breaths and reminding myself that the walls are
not closing in, there is much to be greatful for and hope always remains. <br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeqGQ3pTur_qQcVjTgTFNFpDqWTFmg8OrCM74Pqy04RLmx20_tcaztzegNhvwj_UIxLmYKUze2mkfYku6OhTfP4nM98gr-C6z7G2NpXBFe38hr2xtCk45vO0rI4RJfhPx758HXz92aVC8/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeqGQ3pTur_qQcVjTgTFNFpDqWTFmg8OrCM74Pqy04RLmx20_tcaztzegNhvwj_UIxLmYKUze2mkfYku6OhTfP4nM98gr-C6z7G2NpXBFe38hr2xtCk45vO0rI4RJfhPx758HXz92aVC8/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiurBAmmM1BMpHr7SB1PmfPnZyfslE_vN4FihTmDp1cIBZRFSADurRGIGFcTwSAGvr1liXY1gfK3sH1rhec9zt8bhMa5p-79ilIKMlzF3yAozbmD6CHbHS9_xNIx34f7KFWrTqQ7zCEArI/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiurBAmmM1BMpHr7SB1PmfPnZyfslE_vN4FihTmDp1cIBZRFSADurRGIGFcTwSAGvr1liXY1gfK3sH1rhec9zt8bhMa5p-79ilIKMlzF3yAozbmD6CHbHS9_xNIx34f7KFWrTqQ7zCEArI/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">right before he leaned over and ate the soil</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGvtOzXY1TQT1scX5H6eEBNY4L0IgepDPVCM1HPHUklqCrxPPDv79PyMBwr5LanLP2TAeBQXjQvz0mxZDduCvMu7KoYT3Hp6dt5eVhq-_FRRwnL2V0L3GIYX1pGw8LCLe050TI0WF1sto/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGvtOzXY1TQT1scX5H6eEBNY4L0IgepDPVCM1HPHUklqCrxPPDv79PyMBwr5LanLP2TAeBQXjQvz0mxZDduCvMu7KoYT3Hp6dt5eVhq-_FRRwnL2V0L3GIYX1pGw8LCLe050TI0WF1sto/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnu6c6gmpMuqgyvyfwQSTwLjWlR10u5pFuLxEgWhOsXhtbSGxf-Ssq6YIUFKer2Kjjfl1SC9OcUv28TpCBp8hdSgOcTJ_ndtCrKXdMhnrbUWhbd8tQumL0TX54BV8RiCD5CJHTRUcCrvU/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnu6c6gmpMuqgyvyfwQSTwLjWlR10u5pFuLxEgWhOsXhtbSGxf-Ssq6YIUFKer2Kjjfl1SC9OcUv28TpCBp8hdSgOcTJ_ndtCrKXdMhnrbUWhbd8tQumL0TX54BV8RiCD5CJHTRUcCrvU/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.50.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">doctors </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifvyLlLEtDAY3sbxzPKteGOYauhKWo5oXeOWveYqfyNOoLNjzKeIQ0wmInROuH6TqzWXtysLTeahTwGPvghDHbfFWegRWSA3ibFvmFxZw_E4lN_gqhynMBDypzFogvLxVpaeDT3_ONp_E/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifvyLlLEtDAY3sbxzPKteGOYauhKWo5oXeOWveYqfyNOoLNjzKeIQ0wmInROuH6TqzWXtysLTeahTwGPvghDHbfFWegRWSA3ibFvmFxZw_E4lN_gqhynMBDypzFogvLxVpaeDT3_ONp_E/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">minibeast forest session </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBY0v5_1c9-gAq1UQ-JQiwCXpgGsMe6Y9IXk8I9atHJrf7Td-IjF6RX7s9rf39X-srsmHmnRIX3SLywAVL_-VGnKL6n6yjJ7tQHoDP1i8EAxyTJr7VBIEs7YBzoDCoS3w4_aTrxV3Kqaw/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25281%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBY0v5_1c9-gAq1UQ-JQiwCXpgGsMe6Y9IXk8I9atHJrf7Td-IjF6RX7s9rf39X-srsmHmnRIX3SLywAVL_-VGnKL6n6yjJ7tQHoDP1i8EAxyTJr7VBIEs7YBzoDCoS3w4_aTrxV3Kqaw/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25281%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZPw5fZqlOo-QGlXq_VzIg8bWAfXqUQkEWp-XgO0iEKlhFKbs2oIhTG5oRqudv-SdDIYrgm7Jf3vfx6lIsDDNl3MMV5Yv5IQ83gLicRdIpyA_0qwgYgp7_r9TE-IU46nm5MqnmVS4K-qY/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25282%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZPw5fZqlOo-QGlXq_VzIg8bWAfXqUQkEWp-XgO0iEKlhFKbs2oIhTG5oRqudv-SdDIYrgm7Jf3vfx6lIsDDNl3MMV5Yv5IQ83gLicRdIpyA_0qwgYgp7_r9TE-IU46nm5MqnmVS4K-qY/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25282%2529.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">slime which I later had to cut out of Sylvies hair (!)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy9NUH-3fzqot4DclfJwqdqM844J8bNTlHCRSac8GSaPYNOJjOoavR357IcJ8F2aOs0QCN93nmHgfol01cgVW1Px50_sQmAyJVZsVQfYrBXJS05iKCinOsBBMcxADQ1u42xzg3IGZAd5Y/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25283%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy9NUH-3fzqot4DclfJwqdqM844J8bNTlHCRSac8GSaPYNOJjOoavR357IcJ8F2aOs0QCN93nmHgfol01cgVW1Px50_sQmAyJVZsVQfYrBXJS05iKCinOsBBMcxADQ1u42xzg3IGZAd5Y/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25283%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">this kid <3 td=""></3></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil29fyAqTAwhC4JKqa553GdTBAAta7NK1ZoCnrIcZ43jnZvyQxb4WxFSrsE7ybm1GWedpVnvTUX4Q-XWFJO-IUjUQQ_WpWYD15zCRl8LlCeK_QrGrIY1BgUimVYjOJv4TMVbruHgKN51Q/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25284%2529.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil29fyAqTAwhC4JKqa553GdTBAAta7NK1ZoCnrIcZ43jnZvyQxb4WxFSrsE7ybm1GWedpVnvTUX4Q-XWFJO-IUjUQQ_WpWYD15zCRl8LlCeK_QrGrIY1BgUimVYjOJv4TMVbruHgKN51Q/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-04-01+at+14.30.51+%25284%2529.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">preschool time </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-45472315169050686852020-03-25T14:30:00.001-07:002020-03-25T14:30:40.186-07:00Day Nine<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
Quite a lot
has changed since I last wrote. Tighter restrictions are now in place.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
We felt quite
relieved when the information came through. I think the ambiguity of the situation
was quite hard to deal with. Now at least we know where we stand and everything
has taken on a sort of quiet and gentle rhythm. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
Today was the
day that our little niece Zoe Elizabeth was laid to rest. She lived for only a
short while after her birth, having been diagnosed with anencephaly at 12 weeks
of gestation. We couldn’t go to her funeral, so along with many other family
and friends, we watched via a livestream. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
Its hard to
find words to describe how that felt. I just wish I could have been there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
I know so any
people will be buried under these reduced guidelines and my heart breaks for all
those families. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
Meanwhile at
home we were enjoying the beautiful weather in the garden and the girls
particularly are enjoying more focused time with us. Clara was in tears because
she missed preschool yesterday (the irony is not lost on me that she cried
before going to preschool everyday the week preceding!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
We are now
self isolating because matt and I have both developed coughs. Feeling very grateful
for our garden right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
We did have
some wonderful news yesterday. My sister in law gave birth to a healthy and long
awaited little boy!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Arlo David is a real beauty and we can’t wait
to meet him in person. For now though we’ll be following his growth via wattsapp
chat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt; tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
Made me reflect
on how it would feel to bring home a brand new baby into this strange new world
we’re living in. We’re so glad he’s here safely though.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0JZXNr5f6bAYtd6rKCWYfd9e60XyBDrYZUwCMrCvOFDaFfhWMmaZJ-ISC7KjJjS-meSTIno9t1UUZhyW4vKk47tE7MffgHd4SXJbGT8enrFnZmyDiO-AXNUb_0bRtkX6k52OnlUn1Yts/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-03-25+at+21.26.02.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0JZXNr5f6bAYtd6rKCWYfd9e60XyBDrYZUwCMrCvOFDaFfhWMmaZJ-ISC7KjJjS-meSTIno9t1UUZhyW4vKk47tE7MffgHd4SXJbGT8enrFnZmyDiO-AXNUb_0bRtkX6k52OnlUn1Yts/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-03-25+at+21.26.02.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">art class</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkkTLo7zvAqK0LrZRzRcmiFO3JX9sMo1hR4Opk69xpgn9TEgKstkIqd_jcArY1y6fYF16Onlp_HHwSyKNsBYBts-kNTti-nMKojeoZcpUjG2tMvEK8WUx3kHb-BYf7lH8_mxZBgCmkJ_I/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-03-25+at+21.26.43.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkkTLo7zvAqK0LrZRzRcmiFO3JX9sMo1hR4Opk69xpgn9TEgKstkIqd_jcArY1y6fYF16Onlp_HHwSyKNsBYBts-kNTti-nMKojeoZcpUjG2tMvEK8WUx3kHb-BYf7lH8_mxZBgCmkJ_I/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-03-25+at+21.26.43.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNWbPbJxJvazB_SBOL4HygI_eH8tolCm02dNguTVZEQineiLI6D9v82sWQyfFrBqbQ3HlEkmUhfv_dvwbUBbiwaMiwOjVOZOrl2440UXhp3QbSuj5iha6oWHXNJwsIs2uK-cP2AM30Omk/s1600/WhatsApp+Image+2020-03-25+at+21.26.52.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNWbPbJxJvazB_SBOL4HygI_eH8tolCm02dNguTVZEQineiLI6D9v82sWQyfFrBqbQ3HlEkmUhfv_dvwbUBbiwaMiwOjVOZOrl2440UXhp3QbSuj5iha6oWHXNJwsIs2uK-cP2AM30Omk/s320/WhatsApp+Image+2020-03-25+at+21.26.52.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the woods near our house are very quiet and good to escape to!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-55511498849908169162020-03-21T12:51:00.003-07:002020-03-25T14:32:38.091-07:00Day Five Today took us to Brimham rocks.<br />
Its so beautiful there and an amazing place to scramble and slide and generally behave like big kids.<br />
<br />
We had a nice ish picnic and headed home as it started to get a bit busy.<br />
<br />
At home i'm finding myself more inclined to stop and cuddle the children (!) which has led to some good connection time. I have resolved to stop sulking and start planning for the next few weeks so that i've got an idea of what we're going to do by Monday. Stay tuned for hopefully ideas and a timetable.<br />
<br />
I gave up instagram for lent before all this went down. I'm so interested to see how things will have changed when I log back on. I follow lots of other parent accounts so I'm excited for extra inspiration and encouragement. Also loving hearing from friends self isolating in all sorts of different places and circumstances, whatever else this situation is, it is incredibly unifying.<br />
<br />
My brilliant 80 year old grandmother wrote me a letter in which she referenced post war rationing and the crazy times she has lived through. She ended with the words..<br />
<br />
'You aint seen nothing yet!'<br />
<br />
I think shes probably right.<br />
<br />
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-80814627421985488452020-03-20T13:30:00.001-07:002020-03-21T12:36:17.339-07:00Day four<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today was Matts day off and it felt relatively normal, we
wondered around a tarn and variously pushed and dragged children around, only
real difference was that we swerved the café and had a cheeky cuppa using the
camping stove.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good fun and will work out a lot cheaper in the longrun!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although any money we’re saving will go on craft supplies, I
think I have enough kids sensory activities up my sleeve to last until September
(and they’re going to have to). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another difference was that matt was clearly eyeing up all
the (many many people) walking past us to see if they looked, coronaish. He also
handed me the girls mittens to wash when we got home (!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which leads me to my next question, how paranoid is too
paranoid?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Went to the GP today for an IUD check up that had to be done
in person. It was very quiet and extremely eery, I washed my hands a lot. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New Wine got cancelled which made me cry (to be fair I’m
crying a fair amount at the moment) I really feel now like there’s nothing to
look forward to. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Definitely having a down day. Praise the lord for
corona related gifs and videos, everyone needs a laugh right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also need to keep reminding
myself about people in much worse circumstances than us. I am trying to, its just
not helping today. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
Grateful for<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 283.25pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: 283.25pt; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]-->The girls being happy today</li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Seeing a lovely friend yesterday who is keen to
meet up in the outside world.</span></li>
<li> Building a fort outside using our old futon</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-35098390859428944632020-03-18T13:05:00.000-07:002020-03-18T13:05:09.881-07:00Day Two <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
All three children at home today, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
by 10:30 we had taken part
in an online tots session from our local toddler group and painted pictures. Soon
these activities will have to last them a bit longer than the five minutes it
currently takes for them to get bored again or we are going to all go completely
insane. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be honest that seems a likely
outcome whatever happens. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The girls fight over everything. I keep telling myself that we
will find an equilibrium but I know Clara will miss her ‘grown up time’ at
preschool away from her sister. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like I’m going through the grieving process. Denial,
anger and bargaining have all come and gone and I feel like I’m entering the
depression. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The enormity of what is happening all around us is impossible to
comprehend. I am terrified and yet here we are in a spacious house with no real
fears about money. Just down the road there will be people who will be brought
to their knees financially because of this crisis. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today they predicted job
loss of up to 25 million around the world.#<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Total devastation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that’s just the fall out from the disease not even
mentioning the death toll. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Struggling to contain these thoughts as I do day to day with
the kids. Today they announced that schools and nurseries are closing. Inevitable
but a staggering blow all the same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We went on a completely joyless walk around a lake in which I
forgot to bring food for the ducks and Leo screamed for half an hour. Lots of people
seem to be out walking with friends, something I will be doing from now on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sylvie abandoned her scooter completely and I ended up with
her in the pram and the baby on my back, not ideal! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But we will get there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Matt attempted to tip our amazon delivery driver with a £5 note,
delivery driver refused to take it lest it be germy! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a strange time we’re living in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good things that happened today…..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Chatted with a close friend,</li>
<li><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Made plans for tomorrow with another friend</span></li>
<li> Enjoyed having
Matt around more, it looks like he’ll be able to be flexible.</li>
<li> Did a fight club workout and managed some yoga
in the afternoon.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-81283643712906080752020-03-18T13:02:00.002-07:002020-03-21T12:35:26.362-07:00Corona Diaries; Social Isolation Day One <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Big girl goes to preschool, sobbing and sobbing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since corona
happened she been picking up on the tense atmosphere and it affects her a lot. I
make her go anyway. Who knows how much longer the schools will stay open for?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Littlest has a nap while I do my work-out. I’ve never been
more grateful for my online workout subscription. At least I can exercise from
home throughout the social distancing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Middle
girl plays while I work out and we play together for a while. I take a couple
of phone calls, one from a friend in isolation asking me to pick up a prescription
for her. I am only too happy to oblige, desperate for things to hang my day
around. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hubby is working from home in the (fortuitously!) Recently decorated
office/dining room. He is a vicar which makes things interesting. He’s currently
calling round all the members of the church aged 70 and over checking that they
have good support and working out how the church can help. Its nice hearing his
voice in the background though I’m aware of the battle we will be facing to
keep the kids out of his hair as the days turn to weeks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
11:00 I crack and phone a friend to discuss the exact definition
of social isolation and whether hanging out together outside might be
appropriate? This was longer than I thought I might have lasted! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Baby wakes and we head out for a walk in our local woods. I am
a qualified forest school nursery teacher, but despite this we don’t actually
spend much time in the woods! As we potter around and Sylvie balances on
branches and pokes mud with sticks I am convicted of this and find myself actually
looking forward to having a chance to explore the outdoors a bit more with the
girls. Walking is surely something we’ll be able to do throughout?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We put in an Argos order for play sand and craft supplies –
thinking about the essentials for spending more time at home. Also a scooter for
Sylvie. Yesterday our trusty double buggy gave up the ghost so looks like
middle child will be on scooter boot camp for the next few weeks until she can keep
up with her sister.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The day ends in much the same way our days always end,with the infallible tea, bath and bed routine. Having small kids is a blessing in this way.<br />
<br />
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<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-47798940640942877112020-03-18T12:59:00.001-07:002020-03-18T12:59:06.571-07:00When the World Turns Upside Down <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
17.3.2020<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last night Boris blustered onto the screen doing his best
impression of a grown up serious person delivering bad bad news. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now here we all are. Scared and a bit confused with no
idea what’s going to happen over the next few months, thousands of households
having the same conversation under thousands of roofs, life suddenly reduced to
the square feet you inhabit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can practically hear the question marks floating up into
the ether, joining my own. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How will I manage to isolate with three tiny children?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if we catch It
and are all sick?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about my grandparents?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My brother is self employed, what’s he going to do?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Will my other brother be able to hold a funeral for his
little daughter who died last week?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Will we be able to go on our much needed holiday to France in
June?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My nephew is due to arrive next week, can we go and meet him?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The list goes on and on and on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thing I keep returning to in my head is Claras birthday
party. She turns four on Easter Sunday and has been talking about/planning the
party since Christmas. I want to weep at the thought of cancelling it. So trivial
compared to what some are facing but its not trivial to her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like this is the point at which my whole parenting philosophy
is going to come back and bite me in the bum. In four years we have left the
house to do something everyday without fail. We see friends and socialise
everyday also without fail. I am a raging extrovert and to not socialise with
others is unthinkable for me and consequently for the children.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pretty much the first thing Clara says to me every morning is
‘where are we going today?’ closely followed with ‘who’s coming to our house
today’ her entire life has been one long series of activities and visitors! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point I begin to envy my introvert friends who are most
likely far better equipped to self-isolate and have taught their children the
value of alone time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So this is going to be a big experiment for us and an exercise
in slowing down.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I’m starting to think its not a coincidence that its lent, also that I’ve just
started reading John Mark Comers excellent book ‘The ruthless Elimination of
Hurry’. This is basically an anti hurry bootcamp. I’ve decided to chronicle this
strange time as best I can. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-30109956862448502582019-07-04T08:53:00.000-07:002019-07-04T09:13:36.024-07:00Leo Isaac David<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Leo was 9 days late. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<br />
Now I know that due dates mean very little and every pregnancy is different but
please believe me when I say that I was very done with being pregnant. <br />
<br />
I had been having contractions for a couple of weeks on and off, they seemed
promising then didn't go anywhere. This, combined with general end of pregnancy
worries, aches and pains had left me feeling like this boy simply wasn't going to
come of his own accord.<br />
<br />
Though we had planned for a home birth, by my fourth stretch and sweep I was
feeling pretty disheartened and walking and bouncing on my ball were getting me
nowhere. <br />
<br />
In some ways we had accepted long ago that this pregnancy, birth and baby were
going to be completely different, for lots of reasons, not least that the Leeds
hospital set up is very different to the Cambridge one. <br />
<br />
So we made a decision that we hadn't had to make with the girls, kissed goodbye
to the Homebirth dream, headed into hospital and asked for a little bit of
help. <br />
<br />
Having had two spontaneous labours I wasn't sure what to expect with an
induction, but truthfully we were just so excited at the possiblity of finally
meeting our son that we were mainly really positive!<br />
<br />
We had a private room at LGI and a lovely midwife explained the procedures to
us. She then went ahead and broke my waters. This took a while, which didn't
really surprise me. With both girls my waters didn't break until my labour was
pretty advanced and this was a completely different starting point! (Time was
around 2pm)<br />
<br />
Then we were advised to 'mobilise'! So off we trotted, a brief lie down in the
sunshine to get the oxytocin flowing, then we climbed up and down a lot of
stairs. I was so keen for the contractions to get established that I was
motoring my way around leaving Matt in my dust.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh75BgueRYyuBYQ04qFKKdEyWPSvhoHD18MSsqWTuwJOeiIashbfsybtGYYPA0An0tcTGl1YAXLEaM2BXtMj1vgxcKBePa_8NoEfR66IsEw0WWhUOxf6Rbm-r2hGHxrHLRY7iiY837xYU/s1600/IMG_20190627_150814.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh75BgueRYyuBYQ04qFKKdEyWPSvhoHD18MSsqWTuwJOeiIashbfsybtGYYPA0An0tcTGl1YAXLEaM2BXtMj1vgxcKBePa_8NoEfR66IsEw0WWhUOxf6Rbm-r2hGHxrHLRY7iiY837xYU/s320/IMG_20190627_150814.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">mobilising.....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
I had read a lot about hypnobirthing during this pregnancy and was planning to
carry on with the breathing and visualisations I'd been practicing throughout
the last 6 months or so. <br />
<br />
So we pulled the blinds down, put some nice essential oils in my diffuser and
made a cosy little birth corner with the ball. <br />
<br />
The midwife then checked back in around 4pm and was happy with my progress, I
was having some good regular contractions and getting into my zone. <br />
<br />
Matt was also really great, he hooked me up to the trusty tens machine (between
me and my sis in law it's done six babies now!)<br />
<br />
He was reminding me to stay relaxed in my face and shoulder muscles which is a
good way to relieve tension and allow the uterus to harness contractions
effectively with less pain. <br />
<br />
So far so good. <br />
<br />
At around 6:00 the midwife was starting to be a bit concerned that I wasn't yet
in fully established labour, based on the calm way I was labouring (thanks
hypnobirthing!!) And the length of my contractions. She suggested that I try
the oxytocin drip which I was pretty keen to avoid!<br />
<br />
Matt and I talked about it, and were a bit unsure as we both felt that I
actually was in established labour based on our previous experiences. (I
don't seem to have very long contractions generally). <br />
<br />
But we were happy to move the process along and so consented to being prepped
for the drip. This included having a cannula inserted into my hand and a hands
free clip inserted onto baby's head to monitor him more closely.<br />
<br />
At this point I was experiencing some pretty intense contractions and started
with a bit of gas and air which was very effective at bringing me back into my
zone. <br />
<br />
But amazingly, before I could be hooked up to the drip It became clear that I
was ready to push! Nice to have our gut feelings confirmed.<br />
<br />
A ward round of doctors appeared briefly and reconfirmed this apparently but by
then I was on another planet, just so pleased that this boy was well on his way
and that I wouldn't need any more assistance to get him out - I knew what I was
doing and was on firm ground from this point.<br />
<br />
Even though in a lot of ways the pushing is the hardest part of labour, in that
moment I just felt so strong and confident, using my birth ball and rocking on
my hands and knees. Hypnobirthing really helped and I was able to control and
breathe his head down gently.<br />
<br />
They called for a second midwife to come in to help with the delivery and in a
serendipitous twist who should come in but my brilliant homebirth midwife! She
had happened to be on call, saw my name on the board and was able to assist. So
nice for a familiar face to be there, she had performed two of my sweeps and
had always made me feel really at ease. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2JfirzOaX8fRJY5O4bzCumP1tvHI1NEdd-gUVS88BPHh4KZhxcHQvR3EGsFMUAXs6_9anlmCwmjm6eI1KbwuYLu-VwVZR_iEyn8b39mXHbjJjtPqrTW385VVkFV3TXDTvTpwUQ9Od-uE/s1600/IMG_20190627_210251.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2JfirzOaX8fRJY5O4bzCumP1tvHI1NEdd-gUVS88BPHh4KZhxcHQvR3EGsFMUAXs6_9anlmCwmjm6eI1KbwuYLu-VwVZR_iEyn8b39mXHbjJjtPqrTW385VVkFV3TXDTvTpwUQ9Od-uE/s320/IMG_20190627_210251.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
Thus, Leo Isaac David was born just before 8pm after around 5 hours of
contractions. <br />
<br />
I was so relieved I didn't even notice that the cord was wrapped around his
neck so he didn't breathe straight away. Matt said afterwards that it was the
longest 30 seconds of his life!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxQSNmTbjFIu7KVKTspWSUNjkTKFQ-vqxNRSONevg1Ja8ga7YGRnAzq5WaRGOnsbYJeIMY7Yr8LjT9q6lxXfmIdRNpgSSaAZCcFQsyzDxaKm9FeySfAcrQIsQFS-PoMCSS_C6pnNB3iec/s1600/IMG_20190627_221531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxQSNmTbjFIu7KVKTspWSUNjkTKFQ-vqxNRSONevg1Ja8ga7YGRnAzq5WaRGOnsbYJeIMY7Yr8LjT9q6lxXfmIdRNpgSSaAZCcFQsyzDxaKm9FeySfAcrQIsQFS-PoMCSS_C6pnNB3iec/s320/IMG_20190627_221531.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
But the midwives quickly righted him and we heard his voice for the first time.
<br />
<br />
There he was, my son in my arms, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNHe_g_fwUgqBJvpscv5TIz5kUr-q7XIretPrQwz7SxWfV40GVo6vqBzaVEp-ooKJIgyBTcVXDCrLn5oNhuvKQMb9sh2MNwOAMedUsrOxUIL5135Auy35kvVz97EeeVMfFxV4PCcz7TFA/s1600/IMG_20190627_210231.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNHe_g_fwUgqBJvpscv5TIz5kUr-q7XIretPrQwz7SxWfV40GVo6vqBzaVEp-ooKJIgyBTcVXDCrLn5oNhuvKQMb9sh2MNwOAMedUsrOxUIL5135Auy35kvVz97EeeVMfFxV4PCcz7TFA/s320/IMG_20190627_210231.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
finally.<br />
<br />
8lbs 3oz, lots of dark hair, and wonderfully, unequivocally, <br />
worth the wait.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I also have to say, as with the girls, every single healthcare professional we came across during our time in the NHS system was amazing. They all seem to care so deeply and go above and beyond all the time. We are very greatful for that.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgVRg9_m_RquLRK8lzRvVNdaa4mqrcJIkFYvIvGlgKLjYG76MXmFI3eUMTtMboKIq09PL7lQANGtl2NkzPg8KSOwdLABhyote6nzsQ18iK4PGzt1UuZy1w1xlFDpAWV1b4JhYE5KAs6OU/s1600/IMG_20190702_093710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgVRg9_m_RquLRK8lzRvVNdaa4mqrcJIkFYvIvGlgKLjYG76MXmFI3eUMTtMboKIq09PL7lQANGtl2NkzPg8KSOwdLABhyote6nzsQ18iK4PGzt1UuZy1w1xlFDpAWV1b4JhYE5KAs6OU/s320/IMG_20190702_093710.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqdXmZfD98ECTL0AhAdfjT7vtgNzfuUNA5vokOkIsKeDhbHffawjDph4L12mFF7_jg78cC8x3CRSQ13-XgnaXGJXy_P-4UUPdu3B40xvLFVWBf1VrLO99v-HhCLaawuFeo5dqGan70Klg/s1600/IMG_20190629_132044.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqdXmZfD98ECTL0AhAdfjT7vtgNzfuUNA5vokOkIsKeDhbHffawjDph4L12mFF7_jg78cC8x3CRSQ13-XgnaXGJXy_P-4UUPdu3B40xvLFVWBf1VrLO99v-HhCLaawuFeo5dqGan70Klg/s320/IMG_20190629_132044.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-77309290162604175492019-05-28T11:26:00.001-07:002019-05-28T11:26:08.169-07:00When change is afoot <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGO23XRGPOfe6oipa5WjnuQMsZiVMShK6iem6VR2vD9ii9JWA4D0NtPEUa0CrVG1hmdgNLtoMigaPh0-MnqC7RGoOPFe_b9Geyt9hpr_ZirN4VRt92m6JkEh4zDMqgHQ_B9xO0BdUBIwQ/s1600/IMG_20190331_095304.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGO23XRGPOfe6oipa5WjnuQMsZiVMShK6iem6VR2vD9ii9JWA4D0NtPEUa0CrVG1hmdgNLtoMigaPh0-MnqC7RGoOPFe_b9Geyt9hpr_ZirN4VRt92m6JkEh4zDMqgHQ_B9xO0BdUBIwQ/s320/IMG_20190331_095304.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I've been thinking a lot about family size and shape
recently. As June drawers ever closer and with it the exciting/terrifying
prospect of welcoming a whole new person into our gang, I have been considering
it more and more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A while ago I found this article about how apparently higher
rates of family satisfaction can be achieved depending on configuration of
gender and the amount of children. It's been playing on my mind ever since...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/8429386/Want-to-be-happy-have-two-daughters.html">https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/8429386/Want-to-be-happy-have-two-daughters.html</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The study surveyed many different families with different
configurations of gender and number, then ranked them from best to worst in
terms of happiness and satisfaction with their lot in life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Interestingly enough, according to this study the #1
configuration to have is two daughters. Families with this combination
typically report higher levels of harmonious living and general satisfaction. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had to laugh when I read that, particularly when I realized
that adding a third child into the mix (and a boy to boot!) Actually lowers us
down to #7 on the list!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I should clarify that I set absolutely no store by this
study at all. I think it could never be especially accurate on such a
subjective matter as family life. Particularly as it looks to simplify and
catorgarize something which is fundamentally unwieldy and complicated.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feelings and emotions can change so rapidly. Also i'm
interested to know exactly who they surveyed, even within a single family,
parents and kids could have radically different feelings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, any time you change the family dynamic by having
another baby is pretty nerve-racking. I remember being pregnant with Sylvie and
worrying way too much about the effect having a sister so close in age would
have on Clara. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As its turned out they are incredibly close and their
budding relationship makes me laugh and cry fairly frequently.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi6U-0tj0mBS1H2ppHt-Q2kG0g2_vgNyO4q9sSe8DS48iDVBgvIxAnHAvV3H8oniIcZVXaXL-i-3-_UGkjNOTCsDfi8VOYMm9KvvgWFRfi071oYyEmoYahaINHoEkS2nlGlgsZr_pwzxM/s1600/IMG_20190331_130634.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi6U-0tj0mBS1H2ppHt-Q2kG0g2_vgNyO4q9sSe8DS48iDVBgvIxAnHAvV3H8oniIcZVXaXL-i-3-_UGkjNOTCsDfi8VOYMm9KvvgWFRfi071oYyEmoYahaINHoEkS2nlGlgsZr_pwzxM/s320/IMG_20190331_130634.jpg" width="240" /></a><o:p> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Looking at how great they are together made me feel like it
was a fantastic idea to have another baby to add to their little sibling party
rather than that I should leave things well enough alone and avoid rocking the
boat. (Maybe it's because I'm an optimist, I don't know!) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am one of three, two boys and one girl (that configuration
only makes it to #8 on the list but hey who's counting?!) As far as I'm
concerned it was a fantastic environment to grow up in and I wouldn't have
changed it for the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(well maayybbbe just for a little sister but that would have
sent us plummeting to #11 so perhaps it was all for the best that dad went for
the snip instead) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course there will be challenges along the way but let's
just assume for a second that there are many many more factors than gender and
number which come into how a family survives and thrives. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That being said, as parents we are not superhuman and there
must be some truth to the idea that the more children you have, the harder it
becomes to give intentional one on one time and space and to individually cater
towards children's needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I hope that this doesn't have to be at the expense of
positive family life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk_wn9-zyGRM99WaqIPfuDFoCsPglVXQ7bilFUZFg9uuMd8HGNvKZaYbf-EWUzs8ZX79uTWvqXeBFW3JoU2biDJeko0iFrrtQpzH6BXSy1JtoZdFKtoZ6LJMXsWABj2ZFT0RNL_ijfkiQ/s1600/IMG_20190331_095521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk_wn9-zyGRM99WaqIPfuDFoCsPglVXQ7bilFUZFg9uuMd8HGNvKZaYbf-EWUzs8ZX79uTWvqXeBFW3JoU2biDJeko0iFrrtQpzH6BXSy1JtoZdFKtoZ6LJMXsWABj2ZFT0RNL_ijfkiQ/s320/IMG_20190331_095521.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile in our family we have been trying to lay the
groundwork a bit for the changes that are afoot. Particularly with Clara who
has a pretty good understanding about the process.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It will still be a shock for them both I'm sure but we're
choosing to believe that what might be lost in terms of one to one time will be
more than made up for by the excitement and love the girls will have for their
little brother, and the way that these relationships will grow and develop
through the years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-1309548860131623612019-05-06T02:59:00.000-07:002019-05-06T02:59:32.497-07:00The months between. Grace this morning looks like sunlight filtering through the window, a hot cup of tea and a silent house.<br />
<br />
Just moments ago it was filled with whining and snot and the very sudden and real need for two small bottoms to occupy the SAME potty (even though we have at least 3 others).<br />
and now, bliss.<br />
<br />
How did I get here?<br />
<br />
Last night at 8:30 I went into the shower and locked the door, tears running down my face. I could still hear the sound of the girls exhausted crying over the running water. Matt had just arrived home and tagged into what was fast becoming the longest and worst bedtime ever.<br />
<br />
I wont go into details of why, mainly because they are boring. But suffice it to say that the delicate bedtime balance had been disturbed and now we were paying the price.<br />
<br />
Yesterday evening I had come very much to the end of my limited resources. Now this actually hasn't happened very often in the three years I've been a mum, indeed I've often been amazed by the ability to push through the very hardest bits of parenthood, buoyed on by love and hormones.<br />
<br />
Not this time.<br />
<br />
This time as water and tears mingled I examined my thoughts. How had I come this close to (what felt like) the edge of sanity and not even realised?<br />
I felt completely drained.<br />
<br />
Like I couldn't give anymore of myself.<br />
That no amount of love could make up for the strange grief that had taken hold of me.<br />
all that I had left was tears and water.<br />
<br />
I haven't written much this year. Or at least I haven't shared much. If i'm being honest the reason is very simple; Over the past year we said goodbye to and buried two little nieces.<br />
<br />
Isla Jean was Matts sisters little girl<br />
Bethany Grace my brothers.<br />
<br />
Both were stillborn. Isla last July, the day before Sylvie turned one. Bethany just last month after a terminal diagnosis in January.<br />
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Greif is a strange thing. Especially for the ones we never got to meet.<br />
<br />
It has been a complicated season, with many questions and a lot of pain.<br />
<br />
In the midst of it all we found out that I was pregnant again. Our son is due to arrive next month which is still wonderful and surreal all at the same time.<br />
We are so aware of the blessing of a healthy baby and so grateful for him.<br />
<br />
Yet much of this pregnancy for me has been marked by an unspoken and deeply painful feeling of guilt.<br />
<br />
I will never forget the tears running down my face in the waiting room for my 16 week midwife appointment as I saw the first scan picture of precious Bethany after her diagnosis. There was also vulnerability on a new scale as I was forced to face grief at work.<br />
<br />
At one point I was signed off, something that has never happened to me before but entirely necessary as I desperately tried to process the grief. Much as I hated to concede any weakness, my mental health had to take priority. <br />
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I have tried really hard to ignore the questions that have bubbled up in my heart around fairness and excess. Tried to separate my grief for the little ones that we didn't get to bring home from the joy of a healthy pregnancy.<br />
<br />
I have tried to stop these feelings,<br />
<br />
but I have failed.<br />
<br />
I am now trying, somehow to live with these parallels of intense joy and pain in the best way I can.<br />
In the way that we all are.<br />
<br />
This is the stuff of life. Often it makes no sense and pain is so much a part of the journey. But I have been inspired, (especially by my brother and sister in law) that God does answer these questions we ask. That he is faithful in the midst of it all.<br />
<br />
For who better to understand the pain and the joy than Jesus, our laughing, weeping saviour wo lived and died through it all.<br />
<br />
Back to the shower and the tears and the exhaustion. Back to the sinking feeling that I should be more grateful for my daughters, for my heavy stomach filled with a healthy boy.<br />
<br />
The pressure to be doubly, grateful as if to somehow make up for baby loss, for friends grappling with infertility, for death too young. <br />
<br />
But the truth is that I cant be.<br />
<br />
All I can do is experience these feelings, these emotions. to grieve and celebrate and pray until I can't carry on any longer for the people existing in the thick of it all.<br />
<br />
and its still okay to be ridiculously grateful for my wonderful children who also annoy the hell out of me and sometimes make me weep for joy or scream into a pillow.<br />
<br />
Somehow in the economy of grace that's okay. <br />
<br />
So there you are, a little stab at articulating and explaining the gap between my last post in September and this one.<br />
<br />
Enough of a gap almost for a whole baby to be made and born!<br />
<br />
A lot of the inbetween is missing. I have absolutely been guilty of wanting a neat resolution and understanding to occur before posting anything but now I realise that there is and can never be any such thing as a neat resolution.<br />
<br />
Yet to stop writing about it, to stop attempting to process and make some sort of peace with it, was causing much more damage than accidentally writing the wrong thing would have.<br />
So there you have it. <br />
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Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6417039046671755661.post-63751473845772854032018-09-07T05:44:00.000-07:002018-09-07T05:44:39.191-07:00Raising Daughters <div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">This afternoon was beautifully sunny so me and the girls went to our favourite park. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">When we got there we met three other families all with two little girls apiece. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br />It was so nice to see those eight girls running and jumping, chasing and hiding, turning upside down on the monkey bars. knickers showing, not caring. using their bodies the way they were meant, movement for the joy of it.<br /><br />I am loving watching Clara as she gets bolder with what she can do, Jumping high and long games of hide and seek, spotting her at the other end of the park shinning up a part of the climbing frame that I had no idea she could reach.<br /><br />Scraped knees and bumped noses, all the fullness and beauty of the human body and none of the grown up self consciousness.<br /><br />Then theres the baby whos almost not a baby anymore, looking at her toddler beginnings my heart catches in my mouth a bit.<br /><br />Yet shes still all chub rolls and dimples, flashing her teeth at the world. When you take her vest off she pats her lovely round tummy with apparent satisfaction and smiles absent mindedly.<br /><br />When I ask my toddler if shes beautiful she answers with an emphatic 'yes', </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Easy.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">My prayer is that the freedom they feel about their bodies now, the pride in the new things they are doing with them and the </span><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">knowledge</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> that they are inherently beautiful and comprehensively lovely will stay with them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I feel nervous for the things they will come up against and I know that my mother love cannot always protect them from the beasts that they must sla</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">y for themselves.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px;">So we will encourage them and teach them, grow them and love them the best that we can. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiELsTpTOPawUEiUUxMagP4zGCBhSdkYGbTAasLyvAMFtLzBkp4acOZPBTu_rqgx-jF87UP_8m9AeAsmDBRYOfRl5C20lskwLotCAwFi_MCAEia5sVBmMzPhX9EWEJz3NanvGKw7Ojd7Tc/s1600/4ac6e4f0-4e94-4d1b-bcf9-58c7b92452e9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1296" data-original-width="972" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiELsTpTOPawUEiUUxMagP4zGCBhSdkYGbTAasLyvAMFtLzBkp4acOZPBTu_rqgx-jF87UP_8m9AeAsmDBRYOfRl5C20lskwLotCAwFi_MCAEia5sVBmMzPhX9EWEJz3NanvGKw7Ojd7Tc/s320/4ac6e4f0-4e94-4d1b-bcf9-58c7b92452e9.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">forest school girls</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxPyFkK7rm8ueHucURAisUXp3_jL1dNcgFjLOkWcpKgR7vMWg11tz0nWIccq1uuLUPJ8S8teEqzs1xGqksw9ADCtSjJ6BS4VBO8UNG34Y9kUo5FbbQHhGIniD6c1yCYUWt0hz2-P2LX9k/s1600/4fdf355e-6cba-4f24-bf15-1bbd1c3a6666.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxPyFkK7rm8ueHucURAisUXp3_jL1dNcgFjLOkWcpKgR7vMWg11tz0nWIccq1uuLUPJ8S8teEqzs1xGqksw9ADCtSjJ6BS4VBO8UNG34Y9kUo5FbbQHhGIniD6c1yCYUWt0hz2-P2LX9k/s320/4fdf355e-6cba-4f24-bf15-1bbd1c3a6666.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">being a pirate!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPdctwEz_yOaFty9VUDCsHI4SHIZWR16KvbX-8z3UwtRPZLPIyy8lj4ab42Eys_z1akh5-hzLMSzkcHiMLPJ7ygR5CVYWHtlW65qZy8hiMHm23ZZgNtpuSaG5eK4qVzDDH8OA8lkkxMuI/s1600/9be8ddf1-dc3b-4085-8520-ed55ea407818.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPdctwEz_yOaFty9VUDCsHI4SHIZWR16KvbX-8z3UwtRPZLPIyy8lj4ab42Eys_z1akh5-hzLMSzkcHiMLPJ7ygR5CVYWHtlW65qZy8hiMHm23ZZgNtpuSaG5eK4qVzDDH8OA8lkkxMuI/s320/9be8ddf1-dc3b-4085-8520-ed55ea407818.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">survival training!</td></tr>
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Rachhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06581804346669366925noreply@blogger.com1