Last night I watched the stars with my window flung open as far as it will go, wrapped up in my duvet like a giant marshmallow. I've been doing this as far back as I can remember, stopped in my busy tracks by the ridiculous splendor of creation.
this summer has been, in a word: humbling. I spent much of it on my knees scrubbing floors or toilets wearing a fetching blue overall. My spare time has also been quiet, spending time with the few friends left in the village, swimming in rivers and hanging out with my parents and grandparents.
I took and failed my fourth driving test, thankfully with my sense of humor still intact :p
Nothing exciting or groundbreaking has happened, I haven't even really left the village, with the exception of a week in Sheffield to do this;
and yet despite this I feel that I am greatly changed. Quietly and gently in this mundane chapter of my life the Father has been shaping me.
and yes I have known great frustration with my circumstances, despair (a fairly natural emotion when faced with a hopelessly blocked toilet!) and interestingly, a fair amount of road-rage -I'M A LEARNER HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I'M A BETTER DRIVER THAN YOU?!!!!
From this vantage point I've heard tales of exotic travel, spiritual revelation and romantic engagements, all of which is enough to turn even the most content and godly young woman green with envy. And as I am by no means an example of that rare and delightful creature, Suffice it to say that I was a nice shade of emerald.
Yet somehow in the midst of this he's changing me.
Little encouragements kept me going, reconnecting with families I used to babysit for and seeing how great the now very grown up children were doing. Work writing me a beautiful email to say how much they'd enjoyed having me on the team, my driving instructor becoming a friend and even having a giggle with George the examiner who said he genuinely wished he could have passed me...!
So back to my windowsill and the stars. The scene may not have changed as the years have passed, but my heart has.
Last night as I lay down to watch the stars I was aware that I was being drawn closer to the creator. Even after a summer like this one where I was just putting one foot in front of the other everyday in what felt like a dry and dusty land. I have been learning him better, learning what his voice sounds like, the look of him and the shape of his heart for his children. Still not as much as I want too but closer and closer.
As I lay there he told me he was giving me five shooting stars. By the time four were gone My eyes were drooping and he told me to close them for ten seconds. On the count of ten I opened them and there was number five rushing celestially across the sky.
in that moment I knew the summer was not a waste. We were in it together. From the day where I sat in a field and cried because I was too discouraged to walk any further, to last night when the incredible truth of God was indelibly burned across my eyes.
so, this is the song this post is named after;
'Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you, you make all things new.'
Brooke Fraser 'Shadow Feet'