I've been back at home now for almost a month. Its been blissful, time to bake and walk and talk with my parents. I've been so aware of the countless and constant ways that they love me and how precious that is. From my mum patiently putting up with my chaos to my dad investing in walking with me and teaching me important things like driving on the motorway and operating my new camera. They are both endlessly gracious and I am so greatful for them.
So I've been thinking a bit about what I want from my 24th year and heres what I came up with.
I want to live fearless, doing things to which my knee jerk reaction is NO WAY!
to loveboldly, generously and unconditionally like its going out of fashion
Jump into the community I've been longing for/dreading all my life
To make space in my heart, mind and schedule for daily time with God,
Find a justice cause which I'm passionate about and support it in whatever way I can
So the other night I was sad... cry into my pillow in a hopeless and snot filled way kind of sad. I've been living a nomadic existence these past few weeks since returning from France, staying in various peoples houses and sofas and it had begun to take its toll. My clothes smelt disastrous and I was no longer 100% sure where my next toothbrush was coming from. So, I was weeping into my pillow, feeling worn out and very very alone.
It was in the midst of this dark moment when the trinity elbowed their holy way into my sleeping bag. As I lay there the long arms of mother father yahweh wrapped around me and I knew that I was beloved daughter. Jesus was there too - ungracefully crammed in with his feet tickling my nose and of course holy spirit wrapped around us all and filled every gap in my weary soul.
That night was a picture to me of how the trinity of God works, how they are in perfect community with each other and because of Jesus we are invited to come into that unity, to be embraced by it and covered totally.
As I lay there in the embrace I had no right to experience I became so so grateful for my salvation, for the depth of relationship that is available to me through Jesus. The wonderful and unbelievable truth that I worship a God who is big enough to create the heavens yet makes himself small enough to squeeze into my sleeping bag when I need a hug.
The very second I cried out I was surrounded and shown how I am loved from the stray hair atop my head to the tips of my toes and all the way back up again.