I am in the garden, and my imagination fills it up with people unbidden. Cousins shout and giggle at me from the hammock, the paddling pool overflows as kids jump in and out.
Friends in and out of our spare room, shared meals around our
too small table in the kitchen.
Matts ordination, the smiling faces of friends old and new. Back
two summers ago to Sylvies first birthday, gazebo up blowing out the candles
surrounded by balloons and more people.
I pull myself back to the present. Just me, pushing Leo on
the swing as the blazing sun sets on another autumn day.
I felt the loss at that moment.
I haven’t written in a while because, honestly whats to
write? When there was a bit of freedom on the cards we were jumping at it and
too busy experiencing it to bother putting pen to paper! Then when it slowly
ebbed away I felt too disheartened to record it.
Today I felt like I wanted to again though. Leeds goes into
tier three on Monday. Life will go back to being more like the lockdown we
experienced in the spring, I want to write about the strangeness of these times.
The odd sense of futility as the numbers rise again. The bizarre parcelling up
of the UK with first the devolved nations and then of England itself as we are
organised into tiers.
We had some truly glorious times over the summer, visiting friends
and going on holiday. We even had people stay with us which was amazing. A meal
for Sylvie’s birthday with close friends was another highlight.
And finally I hosted my immediate family for my mums 60th birthday. That day was one of those memories that we’ll all keep forever.
We've also managed to met our nephew Arlo and our niece Charlotte who were both born during lockdown.
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| Arlo! |
I’m so glad that we went full throttle in the summer months
(though we were of course within the rules, safe and socially distanced etc) because
now we’ve been cast back into murky uncertainty again.
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| |Tomlinson time |
It feels almost more surreal to me than the first time. Of course
we’ve learned some coping mechanisms since that first lockdown and have had
some improvements in our circumstances…
- - Regular bike riding is now happily a part of my life, space for just me or for adventuring with one of the kids.
- - We now have Clara in school and Sylvie in preschool so I don’t have to entertain them so much throughout the week (as long as schools stay open!)
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| solo time with this one |
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| Best Bubble pals! |
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-
- - We have formed a ‘childcare bubble’ with a friend
to keep our 1yr olds socialising and hopefully to ensure that they won’t suffer
too much separation anxiety when things do go back to normal.
- - We did it once before and we know that we can do it again. Humans are so resilient as we have seen all around the world in this time.
- - I’ve finally mastered booking online shopping slots
Above all we are so fortunate that Matt has a secure job and that we are able to keep afloat well even in the tough times. We tell ourselves this a LOT because honestly looking down the barrel of the next six months is so stressful that it has me reaching for the metaphorical (and often as my waistline can attest to, the actual!) cookies.
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| Little Charlotte |
I am not okay, this country is not okay and the world is not
okay. Yet somehow we must find a way through this thing.
I am trying to apply my thoughts to jobs and the future but I’m
struggling to find clarity. I am often exhausted and my concentration is not
what it used to be.
Author Sarah Bessey recently likened the global situation to
a mountain lake into which a landslide of mud and silt has been dumped. She went
on to reflect the following which I found useful..
‘I’d argue that 2020 is a particular
landslide for all of us - a global pandemic, uncertainty, political upheaval, exploding
racial tensions, rise of Christian nationalism, the powers and principalities
of this world all rising. The landslides aren’t over for many of us. We have
been buried under the landslides of our times and our days…And we wonder why
nothing feels clear, why everything feels murky and uncertain and muddy. We’re
living in the aftermath of the landslide and it simply takes time for the dust
to settle… in order to
have full clarity of what - if anything - is next.’
I guess what I’m saying by sharing this is
that we need to have ultimate compassion on ourselves and our neighbours right
now. So much is still to come, so much upheaval and inconvenience.
So lets put one foot in front of the other together
as we move towards advent. This is normally one of my favourite times of year
for slowing down (HA) unplugging and looking forward to once again being reminded
of what Jesus was willing to do for us.
This year we need reminding of his mercy more
than ever. I desperately need to immerse myself in the hope and joy that that he
continually brings, the renewal and strength that comes from his spirit in us.
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| making the most of time with one of my best friends |
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| the BEST holiday |
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| we celebrated 7 years married! |
