Wednesday, 30 September 2009


'Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; 
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. 
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . 
And the Master so gently said, “child you must wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. 
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? 
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate 
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? 
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, 
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, 
We need but to ask, and we shall receive. 
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
 I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, 
As my Master replied again, simply "wait." 
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, 
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . 
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. 
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. 
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all that you seek and pleased you would be. 
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. 
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. 
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I gave, and I save, for a start,
 But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
 And though oft may my answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.'

Russell Kelfer

The road to Revelation...

Today me and some friends were having a cheeky bible study before lectures began. Not ones to be intimidated by the scarier biblical texts, (and armed with tea and chocolate fingers) we tackled Revelation. Wow. One skipped lecture later I was remembering why people study this bad boy!!
Just one of the cool things I've taken from this morning was about the disciple John who throughout his gospel refers to himself as 'the disciple jesus loved'. This man who clearly finds his identity so comprehensively in being beloved by his heavenly father, is the same man who wrote the book of Revelation. There God is shown to be incredibly pure and powerful but crucially also a God of justice who will stop at nothing to see righteousness restored.

The brutality of this judgement shown in Revelation could be seen to be at odds with the God John seems to primarily view as a loving friend. Yet he is the receiver of this (at times!) terrifying vision for a reason. John can only hear and understand this vision of absolute justice based on his own context of absolute love. for first and foremost God is a God of love, his final Judgement - though made necessary because of his holiness, is not the whole picture.

Today reminded me of the many many many things I don't know. It also reminded me that I wouldn't want to worship a God who I understood, who I could quantify, put in a box and neatly label 'safe' - He is fiercely pure and righteous in a way I will never even begin to understand, boy is he powerful, and I like it that way.

Friday, 25 September 2009


I was inspired by this picture:

To make a list of some lovely things that begin with the letter 'R'

1) Roaming

2) Romance (kicking it old school)

3) Rainbows (and cake)

4) Reading

5) Reclining

6) Recycling

7) Redemption

8) Rocking chairs!

9) Ribbons

10) Revolution

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

I carry your heart

'I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go ,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart…

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)'

EE Cummings

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Happy Tears

I've been crying an awful lot recently but not from sadness. It seems to be the only way I can release the incredible awe I am overcome with at the presence at our amazing God. I feel like i'm falling more in love with him than ever at the moment, he's so incredible and alive and IN everything! I'm aware that this sounds v cheesy but nonetheless its the truth - and I don't think i've ever cried so many happy tears.

'The tears streamed down and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested.' Augustine

Sunday, 13 September 2009


Barter - Sara Teasdale

'Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.'

I Love this poem and actually just pretty much everything that ever came out of Teasdales pen. Simple things are so important to me, there's so much ugliness in the world that sometimes the beautiful trivialities go unnoticed.

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Making a Start

Well here's post number one, very exciting though I am somewhat of a reluctant blogger... Heres the lyrics to an amazingly powerful song that I am loving at the moment, 'My Saviour My God' By Aaron Shust...

'I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me

My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be'