Almost one month to the day until we get married.
I've been thinking a bit about what it will mean to be joined, the two of us bound in promises and covenant and I'm going to write a couple of speculative posts on this theme.
To begin, something new means letting go of the old. i've had a love hate relationship with being single and now i'm looking at that time through a beautiful sepia haze called hindsight I'm feeling strangely nostalgic about all the old dreams and expectations. One thing in particular which caused me some trouble was when I would compare the real men in my life to is someone I will refer to as:
'The prince of possibility'.
in essence the prince based on is the largely unfounded belief that Prince Charming/Prince Harry/a miraculous combination of Brad Pitt and Billy Graham is
Just. About. To . knock. On. The. Door
The beauty of this theory is because this dashing fellow is always in the future the possibility of his approach is always there dangling enticingly.
It has been amazing and wonderful to get to know and love matt in a frighteningly real way, learning all the time and looking forward to continuing to do so in the future. However there is still an element of sacrifice in nailing my colours to the mast and knowing that no one else is ever going to walk through that door.
(even if they do, they'll probably discover us playing chess and eating cheeseballs.
could be awkward.)
The funny thing is that I feel no hesitation.
I think what it comes down to is this;
All the things about Matt that I know to be true i.e. integrity, my best friend, amazing kisser father heart etc have become so real to me that the prospect of gambling all of this (for lack of a better word) - happiness on the faintest possibility of someone better is no longer an option.
I know this won't always seem so simple though. And once again I feel like such a baby! I am somehow being allowed to enter into this huge crazy intimidating and solemn thing that is marriage.
But I keep expecting someone to point at me and say I'm not allowed to, that I'm too young or too unqualified.
But I know also that those same vows are the vessel for something called family, wherein there will be plenty of space for imperfection, tears and belly laughing, food, babies and life.
and I know we can do all those things.