Another morning lightens, gradually the schedule slips later
as we take our feet off the pedal a bit,
why hurry if there's nowhere to be?
For me and the children, no one to miss us or comment if we did nothing at all or stayed in our pyjamas all day long.
why hurry if there's nowhere to be?
For me and the children, no one to miss us or comment if we did nothing at all or stayed in our pyjamas all day long.
We are doing things though, for my
sanity if nothing else.
In the garden, we're planting out strawberry shoots. God knows that I'm not green fingered and my languishing houseplants attest to it. But I am trying. It feels like a huge effort to me, squabbling toddlers in tow (squobblers?) And grumbling babe strapped to my back.
I'm so greatful that I don't have to rely on the fruits of this garden to live. The soil is coarse and difficult, the shade and tree roots unassailable obstacles to growing and digging. Not to mention the billions of beech nuts cutting into any feet that dare to be bare.
We try to tame it a bit, have done the last two springs. Progress slow and doddering. It's hard to plant passion into a garden we'll be leaving in a year or two but we try.
I put the baby down and turn my back for a second filling up the watering cans.
When I look at him again he has a mouth crammed full of soil, he blissfully chews on its soft yielding earthiness. He smiles wide showing off teeth caked in the stuff.
I hustle him inside for a drink, its the second time he's done that this week. Just turned nine months old and into the world in a big way. Cheerfully emptying mop buckets/potties/bins whenever they cross his path. He also has a love affair going on with technology, especially my laptop which he enjoys lying on top of and licking.
Back outside and the girls have ceased their squabbles and are happy in the playhouse. The sun comes through the clouds just a little bit.
I practice gratitude.
The girls have stopped asking for the outside world. It turns out there's enough for them to learn and grow within these walls, that we are enough.
In the garden, we're planting out strawberry shoots. God knows that I'm not green fingered and my languishing houseplants attest to it. But I am trying. It feels like a huge effort to me, squabbling toddlers in tow (squobblers?) And grumbling babe strapped to my back.
I'm so greatful that I don't have to rely on the fruits of this garden to live. The soil is coarse and difficult, the shade and tree roots unassailable obstacles to growing and digging. Not to mention the billions of beech nuts cutting into any feet that dare to be bare.
We try to tame it a bit, have done the last two springs. Progress slow and doddering. It's hard to plant passion into a garden we'll be leaving in a year or two but we try.
I put the baby down and turn my back for a second filling up the watering cans.
When I look at him again he has a mouth crammed full of soil, he blissfully chews on its soft yielding earthiness. He smiles wide showing off teeth caked in the stuff.
I hustle him inside for a drink, its the second time he's done that this week. Just turned nine months old and into the world in a big way. Cheerfully emptying mop buckets/potties/bins whenever they cross his path. He also has a love affair going on with technology, especially my laptop which he enjoys lying on top of and licking.
Back outside and the girls have ceased their squabbles and are happy in the playhouse. The sun comes through the clouds just a little bit.
I practice gratitude.
The girls have stopped asking for the outside world. It turns out there's enough for them to learn and grow within these walls, that we are enough.
I
still don't feel it though.
Reading the news is scary right now. Crying for the parents who lost their 13 year old boy yesterday. Thinking about refugee camps and countries with dubious access to health care.
It's so unfair that the poor will suffer the most as they always do.
Reading the news is scary right now. Crying for the parents who lost their 13 year old boy yesterday. Thinking about refugee camps and countries with dubious access to health care.
It's so unfair that the poor will suffer the most as they always do.
The enormity of all of this keeps smacking me round the face when I least
expect it. A grim sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, catching sight of
new frown lines in the mirror.
So I am practicing taking deep breaths and reminding myself that the walls are not closing in, there is much to be greatful for and hope always remains.
So I am practicing taking deep breaths and reminding myself that the walls are not closing in, there is much to be greatful for and hope always remains.
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| right before he leaned over and ate the soil |
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| doctors |
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| minibeast forest session |
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| slime which I later had to cut out of Sylvies hair (!) |
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| this kid <3 td=""> |
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| preschool time |
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