Handing her Dignity

SJ meets avocado

Sometimes I feel like I'm winning at parenthood. Other times it kicks my ass. I'm afraid to say that a lot of moments over the past few weeks have been more akin to the latter. Allow me to illuminate you.

We have been struggling with lack of sleep recently which retrospectively makes my decision to potty train Clara slightly bemusing.

Ah retrospect.

Meanwhile Sylvie turned six months old so we've been attempting to convince her to eat something other than breastmilk which she is somewhat resistant to..! 


Potty training has encompassed some of the most unglamorous, time consuming and quite frankly minging moments of parenthood so far. 

That said, its not all bad! For one thing, you would not believe the natural high available from seeing the understanding click and catching those first few wees in the potty.

Another factor to consider is the look of immense pride on her face as she realises that she has ultimate control over her body. There is no doubt that by initiating this process I am handing her dignity.

Let's just say that the highs have been high and the lows have been low! her new favourite place to wee is on the front seat of the car in her travel potty. Slightly embarrassing if someone's parked a bit close!!

Oh and bubbles made a big difference, we love bubbles. 

There were times over the past couple of weeks where Clara was having multiple accidents a day, Sylvie was point blank refusing food and we had barely had 4 hours sleep in the night between the two of them.

Dark times, times when Matt and I exchanged a wordless look which said something along the lines of 'what the hell are we doing?!'

It should be said that generally I really really love having such a small age gap, however it does make moments like this feel particularly relentless.

glorious twosome

Still, no matter how hard things are, I've found that there is grace in the hard moments, little pockets of niceness and mornings like this one..

we stayed home from toddler group and hung out in our PJS, the girls played beautifully, I made muffins and Clara effortlessly did every wee on the potty like a pro. Meanwhile Sylvie polished off all her breakfast. (Okay she was still up 3 times last night but we've never claimed to be aiming for perfection!)

Because let's face it, everything that we've done so far on this parenting journey has been basically one step forward and two steps back. It's a winding road and the maps aren't very good. Slow and steady seems to be the order of the day, consistency and joy in the little things.

It's hard being a parent. For all these reasons and more. Sometimes I feel like on the 12th April 2016 aliens staged a hostile takeover of my brain body and heart and I've been paddling hard to keep up ever since. Struggling to think or write about anything else.

Single friends of mine recently visited for the day and we went for a child free coffee and discussed all sorts of things that had nothing to do with bowel movements! Let me tell you it was a treat! I'm so firmly ensconced in the small child trenches right now that I can't imagine a life that isn't focused around these littles.

I went running not so long ago and God reminded me that I am in fact still me. That there will come a time when the children will be independent and I will have to reimagine life all over again.

There are times that I can't wait for that day to come, though doubtless when it does I won't even notice. Like all the real wins in parenthood it will be a quiet and gradual process without fanfare or hype. 

Until then I will doubtless continue to bite off more than I can chew in the parenting stakes and find some of it incredibly hard, but I know that there will also always be the most amazing flashes of brightness along the way.  

Who doesn't love company whilst on the loo?