Encounters With Joy

Mi Chi's!

2012-01-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to check in and share some photos of one of my favourite places to hang out over here, a coffee shop just over the Italian border with some seriously cosy living room vibes. Italian cafes are inexplicably much better and cheaper than the french ones and here is no exception....

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doesn't hurt that the hot choc is the same consistency as custard either :)

settling in

2011-12-28T06:39:00.000-08:00

I'm gradually getting used to a very different way of life in the land where aged 75 you receive a free lift pass to ski – (slightly better deal than a bus pass) and the kids are dragged around in sleds instead of pushchairs. To state the obvious it is extremely beautiful. I work for a family who own a chalet that they built from the ground up. On a good day I get to stack wood and bake cakes and generally pretend to be an alpine housewife and on a bad one I am painfully aware that I am a university graduate with no real life plan cleaning toilets for a living (very nice toilets but that’s not the point!). However for every one of those moments there is ten where I am blown away by the beauty around me, the mountains that surround on every side reminding me of Gods plan for my life. On days like that I want to stay here forever.
The community here is interesting. There’s a lot of people running away from things and others who do seasons as a way of life. The crowd is quickly shifting with tourists coming through and even seasonnairs coming and going as they break various ligaments and have to be quickly replaced...
Which brings me to skiing!!! Being on the slopes is amazing I love the sociable aspect of getting to know people chatting on the lifts and skiing with them, I’m gradually working out who its wise to follow off piste and who to avoid following altogether. Not loads of news so far but i'll write again soon.

Montgenevre

2011-12-14T05:44:00.000-08:00

Having an amazing time and I don’t even have a lift pass yet..!

I'm Living with 3 beautiful girls in a very tiny flat, I’m sharing a room with Daniella who is turning a blind eye (ear?) to my loud and enthusiastic sleep talking so I can’t ask much more than that!

Also there's lots of 18-30s seasonnairs living in the town as well so will have a good group to ski and socialize with.

kiss

For Sheffield

2011-11-28T03:18:00.000-08:00

December is almost here and France looms somewhere in the not so distant future. Bittersweet is the word for this time. As I prepare to leave Sheffield for the first significant period in 5 years I am falling in love with it in a new way.

My community who surround me so completely will be sorely missed. Watching the guys next door having a ridiculous Laser tag tournament in the street from my open window as I began to pack my things reminded me that leaving here is not going to be easy. I am keenly aware that life rarely stands still. While I’m gone there will be marriages begun and babies born, new friendships and plans for the future made, and stepping out of the centre of these things leaves me in some way vulnerable.

The nursery where I’ve been working this year is a perfect microcosm of this, the children change so fast, growing and learning at an astounding rate. Today in the playground as the three year olds were chalking on the ground, the colours seemed everywhere, iridescent in the sunshine. The air was full of the newness of these children, their excitement and their many many questions.

As I look back as this time of my life as I step away into 5 months in the Alps and who knows what in the future, I am deeply aware of how blessed I have been by Sheffield. How I have grown here and learned so many things. How I have been loved and honoured in both my weakness and my strength. I have learned how to expect more from life, to face hard situations with grace and courage. To hold on to some things lightly and others with the tenacity of a bull terrier, and above all to love with the depth of heart that has been shown to me by God and by those around me.

Yes I will miss it with every bit of me, this exciting, topsy turvey, childlike life I have fashioned here. Yet I know that its time to go! I am moving towards some great unknown and this thrills me, God has opened up doors and I’ve made the choice to step through them, knowing the cost but also knowing the possibilities. I hope that I’ll end up back in Sheffield but more than this stability I want the heart knowledge that God is my home and that is enough.

my friend Matt gave me this poem over the weekend which sums up better than I can..

“Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,  
when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little,  
when we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore.  

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess,
we have lost our thirst for the waters of life,  having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity,  and in our efforts to build a new earth,  
we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim.  

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas,  where storms will show your mastery,  where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.  We ask you to push back the horizon of our hopes,  and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.  This we ask in the name of our Captain, who is Jesus Christ. ” Francis Drake

Le Pot de Miel

2011-11-15T14:56:00.000-08:00

So this week I had a very exciting job offer...............Soon I will be living in this charming place...

(Montgenèvre)

spending a lot of time enjoying this sport...

It's totally random, totally from God, working at this beautiful place;

http://www.lepotdemiel.com/indexen.html

living in community with these guys..

http://www.go-montgenevre.com/

anyway I fly out on the fourth so this will turn into a (hopefully eventful!) French blog! Quick turnaround but so very exciting. I'm out in France for the whole of the Ski season so will be returning mid April!! Will keep you posted on general stories/progress!!!

X

Contentment

2011-10-17T13:40:00.001-07:00

Harvest

2011-10-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

So its Autumn again. My favourite time of year, the love of which I think was instilled in me as a child by the lyrics of this song;

Autumn days, when the grass is jewelled
And the silk inside a chestnut shell
Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled
All these things I love so well

Clouds that look like familiar faces
And a winter’s moon with frosted rings
Smell of bacon as I fasten up my laces
And the song the milkman sings.

Whipped-up spray that is rainbow-scattered
And a swallow curving in the sky
Shoes so comfy though they’re worn out and they’re battered
And the taste of apple pie.

Scent of gardens when the rain’s been falling
And a minnow darting down a stream
Picked-up engine that’s been stuttering and stalling
And a win for my home team.
by Estelle White

So, as I move into this new season i'm feeling a bit directionless, My job finishes in just one short month and I have no idea what comes next.

I don't know what it is I want to do and be, so many jumbly ideas and thoughts, maybe start an orphanage or do a counseling course or learn to teach, adopt babies, move to a country where there's rivers and mountains and SPACE! learn to make clothes, learn how to use a decent camera, write a book.....

all of the above?!

I think God is teaching me once again to trust, to put my paw in his and walk this route out with him in the knowledge of his goodness. But its not easy!! Right now its lonely and totally intimidating, I don't feel big enough to make these decisions alone and I want so much to make this fast moving time of my life count.

However its important to note that despite the bleakness of indecision there are so many things to be greatful for. Just one example is that Christine is now officially Cancer free!!!! and has dived back into 5th year medicine like an absolute hero.

I also got to visit London this month and appreciate the bikes provided at a reasonable rate by the lovely BoJo.....

So i'll skip on into the next season of life in a distinctly haphazard fashion, dancing in the street and taking pictures of (recently mainly orange) things :)

X

ps enjoying this blog at the moment, great idea... http://www.prudentadviceformybabydaughter.com/

127

2011-08-06T05:51:00.000-07:00

This week has been a month since I moved to the Beautiful new house, I also happen to have inherited some extremely creative housemates which is peachy...

It also doesn't hurt that I have a window nook that looks like this....

then add Rupert into the mix

happy days!

dancing with a banged up heart

2011-06-18T03:19:00.000-07:00

'On the day I die I want to have had desert, so this informs how i live now. I have survived much loss as most of us have by our forties, my parents, dear friends, my pets. rubble is the ground on which our deepest friendships are built. If you haven't already you will loose someone you can't live without and your heart will be badly broken, and you never get over the loss of a deeply beloved person. But this is also good news. The person lives forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through, and you learn to dance with the banged up heart. You dance to the absurdities of life; you dance to the minuet of old friendships'

Anne Lamott 'Plan B'

(farm4.static.flickr.com/3087/2757383877_ca6f0f6c49_b.jpg)

A New Definition of Worth

2011-03-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

So I have a beautiful friend, her name is Christine.

She is a marathon running doctor in training with a heart for the poor. This year she has had cancer. Maybe an excuse to take it easy for a while, curled up in a ball of self pity? Not C, She is probably the most inspiring person I know. In the middle of her chemo treatment at her most vulnerable Christine went to a birthday party. The party was for our friend Chrissy (keeping up?!) Chrissy is a woman that we met three years ago doing a soup run on the streets. Chrissy is a story in her own right, a woman with the most amazing heart yet she has been through more in her life time than I (and probably you) could imagine. She currently has diabetes and a liver condition brought on by her alcoholism which in recent years has led to her being frequently in and out of hospital. Last year she had to be shocked back into life after dying because of a drugs overdose. The party wasn't exactly the safest venue for a girl in her early twenties, but C stayed, even after a dealer showed up, scared but also convinced that she was meant to be a light in that place.

Today we visited Chrissy in hospital and I was overwhelmed with what I saw, she couldn't wait to introduce us to her friend Irene. Irene a beautiful lady of 80 is bed bound and childlike in her unawareness. Since being on the ward Chrissy has befriended her. Today she brought her a teddy bear just to see the expression on her face when she opened it. The love she showed this virtual stranger was incredible, she leaned in to give her a cuddle and a kiss, explaining that showing and receiving physical affection was Irenes favourite thing to do. Chrissy was the first to recognise the indescribable worth in someone like Irene who the world has deemed worthless.

We ended the visit with my just out of chemo friend comparing cannula scars with a woman so bashed around by life that her very aliveness is a miracle. There is something so beautiful in the way that Christine and Chrissy have dealt with their suffering and illness. Both have made a decision to love others, to trust in a God they can't see but could no more deny than they could the raging Sheffield wind.

I saw Jesus first hand today working in and through a drug addicted ex prostitute who he loves and values more than I'll ever be able to comprehend. And I was left with the distinct and terrifying feeling that this is what citizens of heaven should look like. Messy and unafraid or perhaps just unable to hide our brokenness. Known only by the earth shaking love we show for the vulnerable around us.

I firmly believe that God sees people very differently to us and I am praying that he will open my eyes too.

A Story Worth Telling

2011-03-19T17:09:00.000-07:00

I've recently been re-reading Donald Millers ' A Million Miles in a Thousand Years' where Don as ever, writes beautifully about the truths of God and life. He's thinking about the idea of life as a story that each of us tells..

'If I have a hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you.

I've wondered though if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgment, we don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage.

I've noticed something. I've never walked out of a meaningless movie thinking all movies are meaningless... I wonder then if when people say life is meaningless what they really mean in their life is meaningless,'

p59

Today I realised that no one wants to read a story about someone who watches an episode of something and then checks facebook. So I took my story firmly in hand, put on my wellies, and went out into the almost spring. I made friends with the worlds nicest dog, chatted to a fellow walker and eventually found some solitude in a new spot which I think God had reserved just for today. An amazing view of where city turns abruptly into countryside, as if the builders got fed up and went home for tea. I looked at the setting sun until my eyes hurt and remembered what it feels like to be peaceful. Later I joined the team doing homeless outreach like i've been meaning to for months. It was not comfortable, I faced questions and conflict and I felt like my eyes were opened again to suffering. I think sometimes to live a better story I just need to get out of my own way and just get on with it.

the end.

Massah

2011-01-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about the desert place recently. A time of life where it feels less like skipping in a sunshiny field of daisies and more like…well a bit like this dream I once had where I was trying to climb a mountain made of pavlova whilst gail force winds blew all around me, a tasty snack it was, an easy climb it wasn’t.

In Psalm 95 the psalmist writes about ‘the day of Massah in the desert’ ‘Massah’ means testing and I think that’s where I’m at the moment. The psalm goes on to recall the faithlessness of the Israelites who failed to trust God’s purpose in that season, apparently forgetting completely about his impeccable track record of miracles. The psalm ends with an oath spoken by god ‘They will never enter my rest.’

It seems to me this is the only thing that could possibly follow a season of distrusting God; an inability to enter the heavenly rest he offers us.

Whilst its pretty easy to point a finger at the Israelites (who to be honest really did drop the ball a bit here – I mean I’d like to think that if I had seen God rain food out of the skies and blaze ahead nightly in a visible pillar of fire I wouldn’t forget it in a hurry..!)

Sadly, the truth is that God has provided for me in equally amazing and miraculous ways all through my life yet I still get my knickers in a twist daily about the future.

So I have to accept that this Psalm applies pretty clearly to me

And I really need to enter his rest…

…I mean really!

So I’ve been breathing deeply and trying to be content with where I am, as Babs Hughs writes in her slightly sanctimonious but very useful book ‘Disciplines of a Godly Woman’:

‘we naturally long for what we don’t have’ and ‘Godly contentment is independent of circumstances and conditions.’

After all, what better place is there to learn contentment than in the desert of Massah?

picture via fffound

Julpepparkakor & other news of the season.

2010-12-23T13:42:00.001-08:00

Hello!!! heres some nice christmassy spirit!!!

This amazing gingerbread recipe comes from my friend Will, it is a bit of a struggle to make but so so worth it, makes the house smell like christmas!!!

Julpepparkakor

200g butter
250ml sugar
150ml golden syrup
2 heaped tsp ground cinnamon
2 heaped tsp ground ginger
2 heaped tsp ground cloves
2 eggs
1 heaped tsp bicarbonate of soda
900ml plain flour (about 600g)

Put the butter, syrup and sugar in a biggish saucepan and melt it all together till the sugar has all dissolved. Take it off the heat and add the spices and the bicarb. Then you need to cool the whole thing down somehow so you can put the eggs in without them scrambling. I usually put the pan in a sink of cold water and stir it round till it cools down. Crack the eggs in and beat. Put the flour in and stir it up. It should be a fairly stiff mixture but quite sticky still. Put it in the fridge for a couple of hours or more, so that the mixture sets quite hard and cold - so you can roll it out. Dust the surface with quite a lot of flour when you roll it out. Take about a quarter of the mixture (which should be a hard block - so you need to hack dangerously at it with a knife to get a chunk) and roll it out really thin. About a milimetre thick. Cut your shapes. Put them on a baking sheet lined with baking paper. Put them in a 180 C oven for about ten minutes - depending on how thick they are. You can tell when they're done by the smell (they smell hot-biscuitty), and because they turn pale as they cook and then back to golden brown when they're done. Cool on a rack.

My beautiful pal Kerry is currently working for the impressive Chatsworth house. We went to check out the Christmas decorations and were suitably impressed...

'Veiled Vestal' statue

making new friends!

horsing around!

christmas pic of the heavenlies :)

Hope you have a beautiful and very joyful Christmas!

There is a light

2010-12-23T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hello! Sorry its been a trillion years!! I have some christmassy posts in mind but until then there is this beautiful poem my housemate B shared with me recently.....

'There is a light that shines within me

There is a hope that burns inside me

Deep within my soul my very existence

There is a being waiting to be freed

A child who knows no fear, pain or rejection

There is an emotion

All encompassing of excitement, joyfulness, gladness and love

The creative potential of laughter

And the undeniable power of an infants joy, live inside me

Immeasurable are my limits for I call You Father.

Unimaginable my potential for You call me son

There is someone inside of me

Waiting to be unleashed

Whom you embrace

Whom I long to be

There is an All Consuming Fire

A light that permeates from my very being

You have unlocked me God

The doors You have opened no man can shut

I will praise You for all my days

For You are good

You have released me God with Your love

You are everything'

- Ian McIntosh

(picture: fc05.deviantart.com/fs21/f/2007/243/c/9/wishes_by_Mell0nC0llie.jpg)

Freedom

2010-11-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

I AM wild, I will sing to the trees,
I will sing to the stars in the sky,
I love, I am loved, he is mine,
Now at last I can die!

I am sandaled with wind and with flame,
I have heart-fire and singing to give,
I can tread on the grass or the stars,
Now at last I can live!: Teasdale

Happy girls

2010-10-26T14:53:00.000-07:00

Katie Adventuring

giggling with my mama

Emmie Rose

the fantastic Woodward sisters

Beautiful bride to be

My sweet coz

and gorgeous B!

hears to Joy!!! And to these extremely happy girls and many others that i am blessed to share life with :)

Autumn Day

2010-09-05T14:25:00.000-07:00

Lord: it is time. The summer was immense.
Lay your shadow on the sundials
and let loose the wind in the fields.

Bid the last fruits to be full;
give them another two more southerly days,
press them to ripeness, and chase
the last sweetness into the heavy wine.

Whoever has no house now will not build one
anymore.
Whoever is alone now will remain so for a long
time,
will stay up, read, write long letters,
and wander the avenues, up and down,
restlessly, while the leaves are blowing.

Rainer Maria Rilke

A Place Not Far from Here

2010-09-05T13:28:00.000-07:00

I am lately returned from two weeks camping at Lee Abbey. It's a beautiful place in the middle of nowhere which has seen many changed lives over the years, my own included in the number.

I wanted to share about my time at camp but have found it extremely difficult to describe it adequately. The words: beautiful, painful, awe-inspiring and vulnerable don't begin to touch the surface of all it has meant to me. With this in mind i've found a description of the values of camp we were given at the training weekend this year. I think they're beautifully written and pretty inspiring.

Reality: we won’t hide who we are – with all our flaws and failings, because God loves us as we are.

Generous community: we live our lives together and share ourselves with each other. It is a big ask and requires daily surrender to the Holy Spirit. But as a team and as individuals seeking to be a community together it is the only way. It can be costly but it’s worth it.

Simplicity: we live simply – an open fire, coal fired boilers, shared tents, hot but basic showers. And its worth it –without the layers of complexity and pressure of normal life, we make space for God.

Acceptance and healing: camp is a safe place of unconditional love in which people are valued and enabled to find acceptance and healing.

Creativity: we allow each other to be spontaneous and creative and to allow the surrounding beauty to inspire us. We want to reflect the creativity of our father God – the creator.

Space and beauty: we provide space for campers to simply ‘be’: to help everyone enjoy and breathe in the beauty of the creation. The natural beauty of the site shouts the glory of god.

Laughter: we take God’s calling seriously, but we don’t take ourselves seriously. We believe in a God who has a great sense of humour (after all he wants to use us!)

I think I want to spend more time considering how to translate these values into my everyday life.

Shadow Feet

2010-08-12T13:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the stars with my window flung open as far as it will go, wrapped up in my duvet like a giant marshmallow. I've been doing this as far back as I can remember, stopped in my busy tracks by the ridiculous splendor of creation.

this summer has been, in a word: humbling. I spent much of it on my knees scrubbing floors or toilets wearing a fetching blue overall. My spare time has also been quiet, spending time with the few friends left in the village, swimming in rivers and hanging out with my parents and grandparents.

I took and failed my fourth driving test, thankfully with my sense of humor still intact :p

Nothing exciting or groundbreaking has happened, I haven't even really left the village, with the exception of a week in Sheffield to do this;

and yet despite this I feel that I am greatly changed. Quietly and gently in this mundane chapter of my life the Father has been shaping me.

and yes I have known great frustration with my circumstances, despair (a fairly natural emotion when faced with a hopelessly blocked toilet!) and interestingly, a fair amount of road-rage -I'M A LEARNER HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I'M A BETTER DRIVER THAN YOU?!!!!

From this vantage point I've heard tales of exotic travel, spiritual revelation and romantic engagements, all of which is enough to turn even the most content and godly young woman green with envy. And as I am by no means an example of that rare and delightful creature, Suffice it to say that I was a nice shade of emerald.

Yet somehow in the midst of this he's changing me.

Little encouragements kept me going, reconnecting with families I used to babysit for and seeing how great the now very grown up children were doing. Work writing me a beautiful email to say how much they'd enjoyed having me on the team, my driving instructor becoming a friend and even having a giggle with George the examiner who said he genuinely wished he could have passed me...!

So back to my windowsill and the stars. The scene may not have changed as the years have passed, but my heart has.

Last night as I lay down to watch the stars I was aware that I was being drawn closer to the creator. Even after a summer like this one where I was just putting one foot in front of the other everyday in what felt like a dry and dusty land. I have been learning him better, learning what his voice sounds like, the look of him and the shape of his heart for his children. Still not as much as I want too but closer and closer.

As I lay there he told me he was giving me five shooting stars. By the time four were gone My eyes were drooping and he told me to close them for ten seconds. On the count of ten I opened them and there was number five rushing celestially across the sky.

in that moment I knew the summer was not a waste. We were in it together. From the day where I sat in a field and cried because I was too discouraged to walk any further, to last night when the incredible truth of God was indelibly burned across my eyes.

so, this is the song this post is named after;

'Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you, you make all things new.'

Brooke Fraser 'Shadow Feet'

Here It Goes Again..

2010-08-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

This made me giggle!

Publish Post

Jam

2010-07-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

This is my crazy cousin Ruth...(she's also Australian but that's by the by!)

when I was 10 she taught me how to french braid my hair

and now she's imparting the wisdom of a good pot of Jam...

Raspberry Jam

half fruit and half sugar
and a lemon cut up and added to help thicken
heat the fruit til gloopy
heat the sugar in the oven
add the sugar to the Jam
wait to thicken, to test this freeze a plate and dribble some of the jam onto it
then put it in the fridge for a minute. Push finger through the jam and if it
appears pretty solid its ready (eat sample)
add to jars!

voila, extremely delicious Jam, we also made Strawberry and rhubarb (my personal fave) and Gooseberry!

Our Union Could Be Like This

2010-07-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

'Our union could be like this:
You feel cold So I reach for a blanket to cover our
shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body So I run to my garden and start
digging potatoes.
You ask for a few words of comfort and guidance, I quickly
kneel at your side offering you this, as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one
night so much you weep, and I say,
Here's a rope tie it around me,
I will be your companion for life.'

Hafiz

Love this Poem and the photograph is by Stephanie Rausser who is incredible. See more of her bursting with life pictures here: http://www.stephanierausser.com/www/#

Lately..

2010-07-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been....

picking berries

working here

spending time with these guys

playing the beautiful game

messing around with heart shaped foliage

and listening to some wisdom from this guy... http://mikebickle.org/

In short - having a jolly good time!!!

Happy Summer everyone!!

in which I find a bed and recieve a shock.

2010-06-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Introducing...

My

New

Bed!!!

and on that theme....

'I dream of you, to wake: would that I might
Dream of you and not wake but slumber on;
Nor find with dreams the dear companion gone,
As, Summer ended, Summer birds take flight.
In happy dreams I hold you full in night.
I blush again who waking look so wan;
Brighter than sunniest day that ever shone,
In happy dreams your smile makes day of night.
Thus only in a dream we are at one,
Thus only in a dream we give and take
The faith that maketh rich who take or give;
If thus to sleep is sweeter than to wake,
To die were surely sweeter than to live,
Though there be nothing new beneath the sun.'

Christina Rossetti

It's not really my new bed, rather a very well placed hammock I discovered
on my afternoon walk. I am an extremely fond of it though so will definitely
be re-visiting :) Furthermore I managed to electrocute myself on a fence
while looking for a short cut  - turns out that I'm not a massive fan of electrocution
and also was mildly disappointed that my hair didn't stand on end.
what can I say, after 12 years this village still manages to surprise me...!

2 Timothy 1:7

2010-06-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

I have a verse for the summer!!!

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

2 Timothy 1:7

I think this summer God has enrolled me in a sort of personal peace school. worry is a big problem for me and as soon as I arrived back home I was overcome with fear for all the things I have to achieve and take responsibility for.

this is unfortunate since worry happens to be something Jesus is pretty specific about on a number of occasions;

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Luke 12

yeah...not much wiggle room there then! I found the Timothy verse last night and I think it sums up what I want to learn this summer - a powerful and disciplined love which knows nothing of fear and timidity but is open to a life full of Jesus inspired chances and possibilities.

ooo and I have a job on the domestic staff of a boarding school! exciting times!

Sunset in St Peters Churchyard.

Two Steps Back?

2010-06-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

sooo I am back in this beautiful place....

for the next 3 months!!

I'm (re)learning to drive (which looks a lot less like this;

thank you'd think :S)

also living in my old bedroom and (if i'm lucky!!) working my old job in a coffee shop - in short, i'm 17 again!! except not, because I am a graduand, changed beyond recognition and it's my baby brother doing the A-levels. Madness!

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about all this, I think i'm just letting it sink in for the moment, I don't think it's going to be an easy time, it feels a bit two steps forward three steps back. But I know i'm here for a purpose and I want to be teachable during this time of rest from Sheffield and hopefully go back having drawn strength and wisdom from the past. I'm tired after a long three years and way too worried about the future so there's plenty to be done and I know Jesus will use this time for good if I let him.

ps how awesome is this website...http://improveverywhere.com/

yep. life is definitely too short not to make a scene :)

An Exercise in Gratitude..

2010-05-19T02:15:00.000-07:00

I Stumbled accross this fantastic website; http://thxthxthx.com/

this is from the blurb,'Leah Dieterich's mother always told her to write thank you notes. So she does. To everything. thxthxthx is her daily exercise in gratitude.'

enjoy! x exercise

I'll never need more than this..

2010-05-14T04:06:00.000-07:00

I wanted to extend this post as it's something really on my heart at the moment. I tend to live my life in the future, desires I have, things I want to achieve. While its good to have goals and aspirations, they can be destructive in equal measure. The quote from my last post expresses this beautifully:

'They'd dusk dream in silence. together but not.

Because his views were clouded by some very rainy yesterdays

and hers were all sunshine tomorrows.

I wish they could have just seen today'

I am definitely a sunshine tomorrows kind of girl! But recently Gods been showing me that I have everything I need. He provides for me in every circumstance:

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19

Recently he's been whispering this to me - and I realise how richly I am provided for, in all sorts of expected and unexpected ways. Not just fiscally but emotionally. He has given me people to look after me, to be brothers and sisters. Friends who consistently speak words over my life which I didn't even realize how badly I needed to hear until they've been said, who stand with me equally in pain and Joy.

and yet despite his constant provision often I am discontented, I whine and wonder why I haven't been given all that I desire. I don't want this to be the case anymore. As Oswald Chambers says (man I love this guy, he pulls no punches!!)

'May God not find complaints in us anymore, but spiritual vitality—a readiness to face anything He brings our way. The only proper goal of life is that we manifest the Son of God; and when this occurs, all of our dictating of our demands to God disappears. Our Lord never dictated demands to His Father, and neither are we to make demands on God. We are here to submit to His will so that He may work through us what He wants.' My Utmost for His Highest.

and I'm learning that there's such joy to be had in this submission of will. I haven't been cheated out of my hearts desires, nor have they disappeared. I'm just learning to be content in the vast riches he has already lavished upon me!

and so! This verse from an old hymn grows in significance daily :)

'I take o cross thy shadow, for my abiding place;
I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of his face,
content to let this world go by,
to know no more of gain nor loss
my sinful self my only shame
my glory all the cross.'

Elizabeth Clephane

Distractions on a Monday

2010-05-10T08:23:00.001-07:00

Things currently claiming the attention that my dissertation deserves...

1) my longing for an adventure.

2) my all consuming desire for a Polaroid camera.

3) this amazing picture..

(spotted here; http://www.smashingmagazine.com/2008/04/28/really-stunning-pictures-and-photos/)

4) 'Truffles' an amazing blog which teams up beautiful pictures and words to make mini snapshot stories.

(http://www.trufflegirls.com)

anyway.....back to work :(

Desiderata

2010-04-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

'Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.'

Max Ehrmann c.1920

The Beauty Of Potential

2010-04-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of an abandoned and falling apart cottage I came across on a walk in the village recently..

I thought these little signs of past life were amazing!!

Call me crazy but I see a lot of potential for this place - all it really needs is a bit of loving care (and a roof!)

curse of the optimist?! Maybe so but I still hope I have an abandoned cottage to call my very own one day.....!

Community

2010-04-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

'Community: a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common interests and goals'

So, community is something which has always been extremely precious to me. I've been blessed exponentially with some truly amazing groups of people around me at every phase in my life. I recently found something I wrote back in 2008 centered around my most faithful and enduring community of all and thought I would share it.

My Family

We strip down and jump in random rivers, splashing and dam building even when its freezing; it's all about the adventure.

We go on wildly long and exhausting walks and then collapse into a vat of tea. In the evenings we play games and sing until we're too tired to continue.

We eat together, well and often.

We share bathwater, each others children and anything in-between.

But most importantly, my family is expansive, open to anyone who needs to be in it, everyone is welcome as our joy is deepened by that of others.

(pictures from a recent week spent in lovely Wales!)

I have come to the conclusion that for a community to be truly successful it must be genuinely open to not only accepting, but loving new people. Only in this complete openness can we remain refreshed and challenged, and live glorifying our saviour.

I hope that I will always be inspired to always live my life like this.

Courage

2010-03-11T12:16:00.000-08:00

'Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow'

M Radmacher

Wildflowers

2010-02-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

Jesus has been singing this over me recently, I'm stressed out with final semester uni stuff, plans for the future, a cold and what seems like a ridiculous amount of commitments...

But when I hear this and I know it's him singing over me, i'm back in my favourite field on the hazy late summer afternoon when I took this picture, breathing in the fresh air and knowing he walks with me. Completely at peace.

'You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, kill off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover
Go away somewhere all bright and new
I have seen no other
Who compares with you

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, go find a lover
Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong somewhere close to me
Far away from your trouble and worry
You belong somewhere you feel free
You belong somewhere you feel free'

Tom Petty

Rossetti on Valentines day

2010-02-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

'I lov'd you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drown'd the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? my love was long,
And yours one moment seem'd to wax more strong;
I lov'd and guess'd at you, you construed me--
And lov'd me for what might or might not be
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not "mine" or "thine;"
With separate "I" and "thou" free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of "thine that is not mine;"
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.'

Christina Rossetti Monna Innominata: A Sonnet of Sonnets, sonnet 4

Taking To The Open Road..

2010-02-08T02:59:00.000-08:00

'No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?'

Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller

I kind of wish I could take to the open road but while physically I can't just bog off I'm very much enjoying reading about Miller's epic journey.

love this advert - a genius reminder to embrace the real world :)

Roots

2010-01-26T03:49:00.000-08:00

Over the Holiday a friend and I were chatting about the idea of Roots,
whether we are deeply rooted in God alone and more specifically how do we develop truly deep roots that will continue to hold firm and offer nourishment in times of trouble.

This idea of roots has stuck with me. I long to be deeply deeply rooted in Christ, to be so anchored by my roots that a hurricane could not move me.

This year God is calling me into a new intimacy with him which seems reflective of the push for these deeper roots.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”- Jeremiah 17:7-8

I found this beautiful verse yesterday...

'Rise up my darling, come away with me, my fair one look the winter is past and the rains are over and gone the flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has begun'

Song of Songs 2:10-12

It's just so him - tenderly calling me away from the complicated life I've painstakingly built to a place of simple surrender. He knows I need it yet I still spend so much of my time fighting it, fighting intimacy with him. Why? Because its scary! And the truth is that if we really want that intimacy we'll have to leave things behind.

I can't stop listening to this song;

'I will waste my life, I'll be tested and tried
With no regrets inside of me to find I'm at Your feet
I will leave my father's house and I will leave my mother
I will leave all I have known and I will have no other

I am in love with You There is no cost
I am in love with You There is no loss
I am in love with You I want to take Your name
I am in love with You I want to cling to You Jesus
Just let me cling to You Jesus

I'll say goodbye to my father my mother
I'll turn my back on every other lover and
I'll press on yes I'll press on'.

Misty Edwards

?

2010-01-02T16:34:00.000-08:00

'Oh you are coming, coming, coming,
How will hungry Time put by the hours till then? --
But why does it anger my heart to long so
For one man out of the world of men?

Oh I would live in myself only
And build my life lightly and still as a dream --
Are not my thoughts clearer than your thoughts
And colored like stones in a running stream?

Now the slow moon brightens in heaven,
the stars are ready, the night is here --
Oh why must I lose myself to love you
My dear?'

Sara Teasdale

A Brand New Year

2010-01-02T15:27:00.000-08:00

'Let the great world spin for ever down the ringing grooves of change.'

(Tennyson from 'Locksley Hall')

well hello 2010!!

I was in Norfolk for New years Eve celebrating with old friends in their beautiful farmhouse! We played lots of games and had a fantastic bonfire (thank you boys!) and a gorgeous beach walk on New Years day. For a glimpse of the prettiness look below :)

So the year 2010 stretches ahead of us, full of potential and unknown variables, I'm excited to find out what God has in store for me this year and i'm really looking forward to getting to know him better and learning to rely on him more completely.

and as for resolutions....One of mine is to read and write more poetry - so watch this space!!

Hello Snow

2009-12-22T03:20:00.000-08:00

Hello Snow!!!

(I'm Home and loving it)

Emma and Andrew

2009-12-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

Two of my best friends came to see me this weekend, and it was the loveliest end of term treat ever!!

These two also happen to be one of my favourite couples in the world,

really spacious and happy to share their time even though they don't get to see each other a lot. Here are some pictures partially because Emma wants the pictures, but also because I want to share them :)

we went to see...

which was amazing, funny odd and moving

and played...

my familys favourite game which I'm attempting to spread to as many people as possible!

Emmie!!

We made wonderfully yummy shortbread men..

the three of us being sillies..

Whilst in town me and Andrew fulfilled the age old head board tradition...

We also had a lovely meal at waggamammas..

All in all a delicious weekend :) and one that will take me through the next week of work to the end of term quite nicely!

To Be Like Him...

2009-12-04T02:44:00.001-08:00

So God has been challenging me on my motives recently.

This is the verse that's been shaping my thoughts..

As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy.’

1 Peter 1: 15-16

Whats really struck me is how simple this is. We're not called to focus on being really successful or to work hard in order to receive blessings from God. In fact our sole motive for doing pretty much anything at all should be that..

we want to be more like him.

wow.

So recently i've been feeling a bit end of termish, ie...

and this weekend I was able to make it home for a Thanks giving feast prepared by genuine Americans which was wonderful!!!! Of course I had serious issues with dragging my reluctant self back up the country out of the comforts of hearth and family and now it's finally December I can begin to be insanely enthusiastic about the prospect of Christmas!!! Heres some pictures from the weekend..

me and the boys

mama :)

and with my wonderful father who incidentally is more than happy to receive my calls in the middle of work meetings to council me on various medical queries :)

and the feast!!! So yes I have lots to be thankful for :)

Good for the Soul

2009-11-16T08:12:00.001-08:00

I have long been of the opinion that doing certain things make me feel better about life - they seem to reach a place that other stuff can't and in times of hardship bring me back to something resembling where I want to be. So I thought I'd share the things I do when I want to be kind to my weary and overburdened soul..

1) Spending time with my Grandmother (or any elderly relative will do!) theres something about going back to my past that helps me deal better with the future. Also to soak up the experience of someone older is deeply humbling and comforting.

2) and on the other end of the spectrum..hanging out with children! simple freedom with no need for worries or cynicism, need I say more?

3) Climbing trees, its nice to gain a sense of perspective :)

4) Get out!! Anywhere in nature and just B.R.E.A.T.H.E

5) watching the sea, the inevitability of the tides always reminds me of the lasting faithfulness of our God.

6) cleaning! I dont know what it is but something in the process of making something clean again soothes me, putting things in order and seeing an immediate change.

7) Watching the sun rise and set.

7) Making some heartening soup or broth. nb it is important to be deliberate about it so take your sweet time.

8) Mountains, they're so flipping Huge!! And beautiful, brings me peace.

9) Fire!! (Not in a pyromaniac way) it's mesmerizing and life sustaining.

9) Building a den, there really is something in having a small safe place to take your troubles.

Learning The Unforced Rhythms of Grace

2009-11-03T15:04:00.000-08:00

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?

Come to me.

Get away with me and you'll recover your life.
I'll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you'll learn to live

freely and lightly."

Matt 11:28-30 msg

Right now He is showing me Grace. In a new and beautiful way. Somehow I am consistently resistant to this wonderful truth and the outrageous freedom that comes with it!
It was brought to my attention this week that I wasn't exactly living in Gods grace, rather I was living in my own (massively flawed) way. Utterly determined to take responsibility for everything and do it really well or die trying.

Unsurprisingly this attitude turned out to be somewhat counterproductive, In refusing to have Grace for myself my Grace for those around me wore pretty thin.

So i'm trying something new. Basing my worth not on my actions, how selfless i've been or what I achieve, instead I'm basing it in the simple truth that I am the beloved and forgiven daughter of a God who wants to be in relationship with me and doesn't care for the agendas that I draw up and bring to him seeking approval.

because the truth is that he likes me - and you - A LOT, he laughs at the things you laugh at, he understands when you're afraid angry or just plain bored. When you cry he cries - he loves the people you love even when they don't love him, he doesn't disapprove of you - he thinks you are utterly top notch!! When you do something that you're passionate about and are totally in your element he sees that too and rejoices in it - he created you to live a truly full life.

And most importantly he longs to be involved in it all - to bring you into the unforced rhythms of his grace and immerse you in all the freedom that entails.

How the World Should Be

2009-10-24T16:12:00.001-07:00

Eating outdoors on a warm summers evening..

Being barefoot all the time!!!

Blue skies and happy floaty people

yummy peaches!!

and finally....the self confidence that comes as a result of the strongly rooted knowledge that you were created by a deeply intentional God who doesn't make mistakes and thinks you are INCREDIBLE!

(all pictures via the wonderful fffound)

What do I want? An antidote to the horror of a personal statement

2009-10-21T07:52:00.001-07:00

I want to be FREE!!!!!

I want to be filled with the joy of my Daddy saviour all the time despite circumstances.

I want to be in the countryside, somewhere with space to just breathe.

I want to have time to run into fields and spin really really fast simply to watch the butterflies rise and take wing.

I want to always celebrate the littlest of blessings - breathing in the autumn, wearing woolly tights and cord skirts like I’ve done every fall since I can remember. Discovering rope swings and trees to climb.

I want to work somewhere where I can help people who are in need. Somewhere that allows me to spend time caring for people, steadily changing lives in a unique and God breathed way.

I want to marry a man who I love and respect, someone wise and strong enough to take our future in his hands and move forward as my equal partner.

I desire to be a wife who knows what it means to be graceful. Blessedly forgetful of my husbands past faults and loyal always. I want to believe in him even when no one else does – especially then. I want to pray with him every day of our lives - there will always be three strands pulling us through. I want to make space for our romance no matter what – love notes left in unexpected places and baths taken together after a difficult day.

I want to be an amazing mother!!! Imaginative and creative I want to be the kind of parent who lies down next to my children and gazes up at the sky just for the sake of it. I want to have wild pillow fights and build dens, talking to our heavenly father not just at night but as we move through the precious days.

I want my family to be inclusive and expansive – always exceeding our income for the sake of others and characterised by our generosity and fierce LOVE for those God puts in our path. Regardless of financial viability we will open up our home to those who need a place to be.

I want to live filled with joy, taking hold of life and embracing it and others in the way Jesus taught us to do. I want to be peaceful and not to worry about the future but stride into it hand in hand with those I love and the promise of an eternally faithful father. I want to live life to its fullest possible extent and die well, praising the God who I will be with for eternity.

pictures by i.anton (http://www.flickr.com/photos/ianton/3887814446/), Kathryn Krueger (http://www.kathrynkrueger.com/blog/) and me!

tread softly...

2009-10-16T04:56:00.001-07:00

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

William Butler Yates

The Great Escape

2009-10-11T15:54:00.001-07:00

Ever feel like running away?

Much as I enjoy and revel in the company of other people sometimes I think It would all just be a little bit easier if it was just me and God...

You and me

You are the scariest thing in my life, terrify me more every day.

Exhilarating, exasperating.

I miss as much as I hit the mark,

Maybe more.

Yet it is at these times of absolute fear that I can feel you in me,

In my heart, which resides somewhere in the region of my mouth.

You expand my boundaries ten fold,

Willing or unwilling.

I need this fear to grow but it doesn’t change my favourite thing;

Sitting with you

Silent as you hold me in your love

Just you and me.

Wouldn’t it be nice if it could always be

Just you and me,

You and me,

You and me.'

August 2008

Gotta have you..

2009-10-11T15:32:00.001-07:00

Things currently enchanting me...

Leaps of faith...

'Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;my hope comes from him.He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.' Psalm 62:6-7

Hope for the future

Somewhere warm and dry to store my feet :)

And the soothing tones of these wonderful people...

'Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Try to make you mad at me.. over the phone
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I wanna make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken plucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms.

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.'

Some Things Remain the Same...

2009-10-08T03:03:00.000-07:00

looking at these old photographs I came to the realisation that very little has really changed for me between the ages of two and twenty one...

My disregard for animals when it comes to having a place to recline...

My drinking habits..

(Me aged 2 with my sippy cup)

(aged 21...with my sippy cup)

And notably my Love of navy wellies....

also its hard to escape the fact that I'm giggling like a manic (most probably at my own jokes) in the pictures of me aged two this clearly hasn't changed a jot :) in fact probably the only thing which has changed is my hair colour!!

Wait

2009-09-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

'Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;  Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.  I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .  And the Master so gently said, “child you must wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.  "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?  By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate  Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?  I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,  Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,  We need but to ask, and we shall receive.  And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:  I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,  As my Master replied again, simply "wait."  So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,  And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .  and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.  I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.  I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all that you seek and pleased you would be.  You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.  You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.  You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I gave, and I save, for a start,  But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.  And though oft may my answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.'

Russell Kelfer

The road to Revelation...

2009-09-30T05:11:00.000-07:00

Today me and some friends were having a cheeky bible study before lectures began. Not ones to be intimidated by the scarier biblical texts, (and armed with tea and chocolate fingers) we tackled Revelation. Wow. One skipped lecture later I was remembering why people study this bad boy!!

Just one of the cool things I've taken from this morning was about the disciple John who throughout his gospel refers to himself as 'the disciple jesus loved'. This man who clearly finds his identity so comprehensively in being beloved by his heavenly father, is the same man who wrote the book of Revelation. There God is shown to be incredibly pure and powerful but crucially also a God of justice who will stop at nothing to see righteousness restored.

The brutality of this judgement shown in Revelation could be seen to be at odds with the God John seems to primarily view as a loving friend. Yet he is the receiver of this (at times!) terrifying vision for a reason. John can only hear and understand this vision of absolute justice based on his own context of absolute love. for first and foremost God is a God of love, his final Judgement - though made necessary because of his holiness, is not the whole picture.

Today reminded me of the many many many things I don't know. It also reminded me that I wouldn't want to worship a God who I understood, who I could quantify, put in a box and neatly label 'safe' - He is fiercely pure and righteous in a way I will never even begin to understand, boy is he powerful, and I like it that way.

'R'

2009-09-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by this picture:

And this blog: http://treasurehuntinginfields.blogspot.com/2009/09/happy.html

To make a list of some lovely things that begin with the letter 'R'

1) Roaming

2) Romance (kicking it old school)

3) Rainbows (and cake)

4) Reading

5) Reclining

6) Recycling

7) Redemption

8) Rocking chairs!

9) Ribbons

10) Revolution

I carry your heart

2009-09-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

'I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go ,my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart…

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)'

EE Cummings

Happy Tears

2009-09-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've been crying an awful lot recently but not from sadness. It seems to be the only way I can release the incredible awe I am overcome with at the presence at our amazing God. I feel like i'm falling more in love with him than ever at the moment, he's so incredible and alive and IN everything! I'm aware that this sounds v cheesy but nonetheless its the truth - and I don't think i've ever cried so many happy tears.

'The tears streamed down and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested.' Augustine

Loveliness

2009-09-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

Barter - Sara Teasdale

'Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,

Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace

Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.'

I Love this poem and actually just pretty much everything that ever came out of Teasdales pen. Simple things are so important to me, there's so much ugliness in the world that sometimes the beautiful trivialities go unnoticed.

Making a Start

2009-09-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Well here's post number one, very exciting though I am somewhat of a reluctant blogger... Heres the lyrics to an amazingly powerful song that I am loving at the moment, 'My Saviour My God' By Aaron Shust...

'I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me

My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior

My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be'